Pet Play: Am I Doing This Right?
I've gotten this question asked of me and brought up in just general pet/animal play conversation for as long as I can remember, and I always have the same answer.
Are you doing what makes you happy?
Because if you are, then yes, you're doing it right.
Examples of questions I get asked constantly that start or end with "Am I Doing This Right"?
- "My animal side is fictitious. I made it up/it's from a comic I read.."
- "I'm an animal.. and I want a pet..."
- "I just want to show my pet a lot of love and care. I'm not interested in showing in a pet show or giving them any hardcore training..."
- "I don't want to be walked on a collar and leash, I want to RUN FREE.."
- "I don't want to be touched or petted that much when I'm in my heads-space, that kinda makes me feel panicked and angry.."
All of these, in my opinion, are great examples of how varied pet and animal play is. How all players are different, and therefore have different needs and wants in this type of play.
The biggest issue so many of us have, from animals and pets to Handlers, Trainers, and anything else in the spectrum of pet & animal play (and kink role-play in general) is that we often doubt ourselves. We worry that someone else is going to turn around and point a finger and say "Wow! That was pretty stupid!"
If you're playing with the purpose of never dealing with someone who's rude about their views, one of those 'true' players who think they have to judge how everyone else plays..
Well I'm sorry, but that won't happen. Sadly, the world is full of insecure people who think their own way of playing is stupid, so they have to trash you for being brave enough to play differently.
Rules of safety and respect simply boil down to common sense:
- Going by a general code of ethics that is responsible, consenting, and healthy, be it your own system (I play by HEART as well as the two standards) or the scene standards, such as SSC, RACK, or a mixture of all of these
- Respect yourself and your partner(s), and be sure they respect you and themselves. Don't play with them in a way they are not comfortable with, and do not ever try to make/coerce them into being comfortable with it. If they can't play with you like this, talk to them about your needs of having to have another play partner.
- Research your play as much as you can, be it technical or role-play. Study the species you're interested in, see the animals (dog runs, zoo, volunteer at a humane clinic or rescue, watch them on youtube or tv, etc), read books on training and handling (both kink and vanilla bioanimal books). Go to demos, talk to other players, ask questions.
- If your role is different than what you've researched, EMBRACE THE DIFFERENCE. Continue to learn how others play to further your knowledge, but play how you feel best, and figure out if you're willing to teach others about your ways of playing (even if it's just by talking about it openly). You'd be benefiting the community a great deal.
- Allow others to disagree. It doesn't mean you have to agree with them. However responding to someone questioning or being rude about the way you play with "Well it's how I play. And it works for me :]" without any snarkiness involved does a whole lot better than snapping back at them or trying to appease them to 'look cool'.
- ALLOW YOURSELF TO HAVE FUN. It's play after all, guys. Enjoy yourself and allow yourself to be ignorant when you are (and be clear that you ARE ignorant) so that you can learn from others. Make mistakes and take it in stride knowing that you can learn from that mistake.
Hope this helped people. I'll be making this a sticky within a few days.