(no subject)
So my ears are now at 3/4th's. By September it'll be an inch and I'll be fucking done. My ears will be done stretching and I'll be happy and can buy some serious gauges for them, instead of just these black Kaos pairs for in between stretching.
Today Ian bought my next collar, which is simply a thicker gauge of chain. The one I wear now I bought when I broke up with Oliver, for my own feeling of safety and to make me feel secure. Within a week of that, Ian had the key, and it was clear this was his collar for me. Now, going on a year in come this July, it seemed an appropriate time with our going back to the beach house for him to give me a collar.
We had gone to the beach house for the first time a week after Ian and Riley had broken up, therefore a few weeks (I think? Maybe it was only two?) after I had broken up with Oliver. Originally it had been a planned as the four of us, but for obvious reasons Oliver didn't want to come. Riley hadn't planned to either, but had come the day after we had gotten there. The entire time I was wrestling with my feelings about Ian, which he knew. He talked to me about it openly, and constantly told me I shouldn't feel dumb, stupid, or ashamed of how I felt. He also helped me to understand that my having a sex addiction didn't mean I couldn't love someone. That I was capable of loving and being loved without it turning into the insanity I had grown accustomed to.
I still remember sitting on the beach next to him, sometime around midnight or one, and jittered and emotionally sick, and telling him I loved him. And then squirming and starting to apologize for saying it, before he cut me short and nodded in the direction of the horizon. How the moon was a weird fucking cheshire grin of a sliver, and a burning orange. And how it made us laugh and made everything ok. I remember how I had run full tilt barefoot down that sand until I want panting and gasping, tongue lolling and nothing out there but us and the water.
That place was magical the first time we were there, even with the drama going on. The second time, by ourselves, was.. well it was amazing. It was like being on our own little island away from everything. No job calling on the cellphone all the time, no neighbors, no dogs or cats. Just the woods and the beach and the house and bonfires and waking up when he wants to, eyes opening to stare at that gorgeous face in the morning.
Fuck, that's where Runt really woke up for the first time, after all.
He'll recollar me there. He's taking us to Gasho of Japan for dinner on Thursday. I'm gonna get a neko mug for my drink<3. We're buying me a leather lead and I'll be able to get walks on the beach and when we go hiking.
We go to his parent's house on Tuesday and sleep over (I still can't get over that they give us our own room with a bed to share. To sleep together. It just blows me the fuck away) and then be at the beach house on Wednesday.
I'm so happy. I'm so fucking happy.
Today Ian bought my next collar, which is simply a thicker gauge of chain. The one I wear now I bought when I broke up with Oliver, for my own feeling of safety and to make me feel secure. Within a week of that, Ian had the key, and it was clear this was his collar for me. Now, going on a year in come this July, it seemed an appropriate time with our going back to the beach house for him to give me a collar.
We had gone to the beach house for the first time a week after Ian and Riley had broken up, therefore a few weeks (I think? Maybe it was only two?) after I had broken up with Oliver. Originally it had been a planned as the four of us, but for obvious reasons Oliver didn't want to come. Riley hadn't planned to either, but had come the day after we had gotten there. The entire time I was wrestling with my feelings about Ian, which he knew. He talked to me about it openly, and constantly told me I shouldn't feel dumb, stupid, or ashamed of how I felt. He also helped me to understand that my having a sex addiction didn't mean I couldn't love someone. That I was capable of loving and being loved without it turning into the insanity I had grown accustomed to.
I still remember sitting on the beach next to him, sometime around midnight or one, and jittered and emotionally sick, and telling him I loved him. And then squirming and starting to apologize for saying it, before he cut me short and nodded in the direction of the horizon. How the moon was a weird fucking cheshire grin of a sliver, and a burning orange. And how it made us laugh and made everything ok. I remember how I had run full tilt barefoot down that sand until I want panting and gasping, tongue lolling and nothing out there but us and the water.
That place was magical the first time we were there, even with the drama going on. The second time, by ourselves, was.. well it was amazing. It was like being on our own little island away from everything. No job calling on the cellphone all the time, no neighbors, no dogs or cats. Just the woods and the beach and the house and bonfires and waking up when he wants to, eyes opening to stare at that gorgeous face in the morning.
Fuck, that's where Runt really woke up for the first time, after all.
He'll recollar me there. He's taking us to Gasho of Japan for dinner on Thursday. I'm gonna get a neko mug for my drink<3. We're buying me a leather lead and I'll be able to get walks on the beach and when we go hiking.
We go to his parent's house on Tuesday and sleep over (I still can't get over that they give us our own room with a bed to share. To sleep together. It just blows me the fuck away) and then be at the beach house on Wednesday.
I'm so happy. I'm so fucking happy.