(no subject)
just because i feel like complaining...
no money...learn that money doesnt make the world go round walk through the streets without a dime in your pocket and learn how
to feel like most of the world feels everyday, all day. hunger gnaws in your stomach learn to ignore the blind cravings for trivial things
chocolate candy why should i be so privileged. wait until you get home and be grateful that at least at home there is food not like many
parts of the world they come home to nothing why should i be so lucky. dont take it for granted. learn to live with it.
no freedom...check the clock every five minutes pressure pressure get home on time for what so that i can sit on my bed cry sobbing what is
the point am i not here to make friends that man is the only thing that holds the key to my cage such a petty thing time what does it matter really am i really that bad of a person if only he knew. let his personal problems enter this equation eso no puede ser hombre you have no idea who i am. one day they will know one day i will be free responsible i dont need a leash i know my limits i know what i am doing i know. they dont. cant deal with it.
more changes...move me again like some vagabond dog house to house so sick of the moving this will be my fifth. sorry but you cant stay here dont belong there dont belong here dont belong anywhere sick of packing up again moving on in with complete strangers they dont know me they are wary suspicious dont trust her have to find it out all again have to build it up all again lose everything you had before three months here but still i am treated like a newcomer like a naive little girl dont trust her have to do it all over again but i dont want to. dont want to. so sick of it.
no communication...this foreign tongue so frustrating so many things i want to say but cant dont know how. la gente looks at you like you are stupid, childlike if only they knew i am a genious in one language a child in another. so much to say but dont know how. not getting any better. cant speak it.
wordly pressure...next three weeks all exams almost every day so much pressure to be perfect to get this right. chained to the books hand dead from writing. worldly pressure so silly if you think about it. cant do it.
him...so much to say about him he has become everything to me so much i want to tell him but cant the guilty conscience burdens my shoulders from past to future what i have done to him im sorry what did it mean nothing a mistake an error didnt seem real what was the point. dont want to hurt him he is so good to me he gives me the world and i still fight it know that someday i have to leave him someday i have to live my life eso no puede ser wondering if its better to just get it over with now will it hurt less. i want him to be happy and that is all. in my mind is this block cant trust cant love who can break down the steel walls if not him still i fight still i want to say no not again. the world looks down on us the people stare society says eso no puede ser. this relationship cannot be. blind to the world with the goofy smile of love on your face. dont want to hurt him. dont waste your heart on me im not worth it. this bird cant sing when youve tied its wings so dont waste your heart on me.
cant be there...want to be there at her side to help her to comfort her because the world is winning cant do a thing from fourthousandodd miles away wish i could wish i could comfort her tell her that everythings gonna be okay because it will someday. everything will be okay. keep fighting the fight no matter how fatigued you get how many shells you take keep fighting because in the end you will see that it is worth it. you have to go through the storm in order to see the rainbow. but are they not of equal beauty? so alone we both are.
it doesnt really matter, these wordly problems. everythings gonna be alright.
no money...learn that money doesnt make the world go round walk through the streets without a dime in your pocket and learn how
to feel like most of the world feels everyday, all day. hunger gnaws in your stomach learn to ignore the blind cravings for trivial things
chocolate candy why should i be so privileged. wait until you get home and be grateful that at least at home there is food not like many
parts of the world they come home to nothing why should i be so lucky. dont take it for granted. learn to live with it.
no freedom...check the clock every five minutes pressure pressure get home on time for what so that i can sit on my bed cry sobbing what is
the point am i not here to make friends that man is the only thing that holds the key to my cage such a petty thing time what does it matter really am i really that bad of a person if only he knew. let his personal problems enter this equation eso no puede ser hombre you have no idea who i am. one day they will know one day i will be free responsible i dont need a leash i know my limits i know what i am doing i know. they dont. cant deal with it.
more changes...move me again like some vagabond dog house to house so sick of the moving this will be my fifth. sorry but you cant stay here dont belong there dont belong here dont belong anywhere sick of packing up again moving on in with complete strangers they dont know me they are wary suspicious dont trust her have to find it out all again have to build it up all again lose everything you had before three months here but still i am treated like a newcomer like a naive little girl dont trust her have to do it all over again but i dont want to. dont want to. so sick of it.
no communication...this foreign tongue so frustrating so many things i want to say but cant dont know how. la gente looks at you like you are stupid, childlike if only they knew i am a genious in one language a child in another. so much to say but dont know how. not getting any better. cant speak it.
wordly pressure...next three weeks all exams almost every day so much pressure to be perfect to get this right. chained to the books hand dead from writing. worldly pressure so silly if you think about it. cant do it.
him...so much to say about him he has become everything to me so much i want to tell him but cant the guilty conscience burdens my shoulders from past to future what i have done to him im sorry what did it mean nothing a mistake an error didnt seem real what was the point. dont want to hurt him he is so good to me he gives me the world and i still fight it know that someday i have to leave him someday i have to live my life eso no puede ser wondering if its better to just get it over with now will it hurt less. i want him to be happy and that is all. in my mind is this block cant trust cant love who can break down the steel walls if not him still i fight still i want to say no not again. the world looks down on us the people stare society says eso no puede ser. this relationship cannot be. blind to the world with the goofy smile of love on your face. dont want to hurt him. dont waste your heart on me im not worth it. this bird cant sing when youve tied its wings so dont waste your heart on me.
cant be there...want to be there at her side to help her to comfort her because the world is winning cant do a thing from fourthousandodd miles away wish i could wish i could comfort her tell her that everythings gonna be okay because it will someday. everything will be okay. keep fighting the fight no matter how fatigued you get how many shells you take keep fighting because in the end you will see that it is worth it. you have to go through the storm in order to see the rainbow. but are they not of equal beauty? so alone we both are.
it doesnt really matter, these wordly problems. everythings gonna be alright.