Fourth Dimension
Title: Fourth Dimension
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe [Thor]
Pairing: Thor/Loki hinted casual Tony/Loki and other pairings
Rating: NSFW, just in case
Warning: aftermath of sex scene, incestuos relationship, AU, break-up
Wordcount: 1139
Note: Partecipa alla maritombola2014 di maridichallenge per il prompt #31; ripostiglio delle scope, e alla missione "Something old" per la prima settimana del COW-T 5. Crossposted at AO3
Summary: Loki left years ago to have a fresh start. He didn't think he would have fallen back on old habits when he got an invitation to the celebration for Thor's promotion to CEO.
He was still trembling from the aftershocks, Thor's strong hands that were pressing him up against the wall, hair falling in his eyes and come drying on his stomach, soiling his dress shirt, when the thought hit him.
He had sex with his brother in the broom closet. Again.
Loki wanted to laugh. Or to cry. Or both.
Why did he have to be so fucking stupid? What the hell was wrong with him?
He had moved half a country away so he couldn't see him. He'd been living in California for years. He had met people, made friends whom genuinely liked him for who he was and what he did, and had successful, satisfying relationships. He had a good job, a nice house, a cat that made his life hell but was too cute to be mad at. His life was full and it made him happy.
He had been honestly happy to hear from his family too, when the invitation came; years ago, Loki would have ripped the thing up in rage, but now that he had his own life, completely independent from the fate of his father's firm, he could congratulate Thor for his new position as CEO of Aesir Industries without blinking an eye.
He had discreetly ignored the "plus one" encouragement, not knowing which of his lovers would have been more inclined to bear a high society thing like that (and the only reason he hadn't asked Tony was that he hadn't wanted to cause a scene), and he prepared everything for the trip.
He had come to the party dressed to the nine; new tuxedo, neat ponytail, no make up and none of his piercings (he knew that his mother, even if she liked what he did for a living, didn't like to see him with those on if he was in a tuxedo). He had greeted his parents politely and with a smile. He had made small talk with the other guests, had wine, had fun, and then-
"Loki?"
"Shut up," Loki snapped, pushing off Thor wincing. Cringing, really.
"Did I hurt-"
"No, I'm fine. I'm just. Thor," Loki started to say, but he couldn't go on. He was acutely aware of the way he sounded wet and crackling. It was so awful. So embarrassing.
He wanted to step away from his brother, but there wasn't really room in the tight closet, so he just turned his back to him, and leaned his forehead against the cool wall, trying to catch his breath. He was still half naked but he didn't care, because honestly, it couldn't get worse than that.
"I like the new tattoo," Thor said quietly behind him.
Loki turned and looked at him. He looked like a mess, his long blond hair messily loose on his shoulders, the tie lost somewhere in the closet, a purplish hickey on his neck, the shirt open and wrinkled. He was stunningly beautiful, as always. His eyes were blue and gorgeous even in the shitty lighting.
He forced himself to smile. "Which one?"
"The blue watercolor. I don't quite get it, but it looks beautiful," Thor said, pressing himself closer, reaching out to touch his fingers on his wrist, where a pale blue and white lineless tattoo covered Loki's skin.
"It's a tesseract," Loki explained, touching the geometrical shapes. "Or, it should be. It's not like I can actually tattoo myself in the fourth dimension."
"What does it mean?"
"It means expanding my limits. Getting over the things that still chain me to the ground. It's flying. Pure creation and freedom," Loki murmured. Then he looked up, watching Thor. "We shouldn't have done this."
Thor looked pained. "I missed you so much, Loki."
"I missed you too. It doesn't mean we can keep doing this, Thor. It wasn't fine back then, and it's not fine now," Loki continued, looking away. He kept thinking of his house in California, how look Thor would have looked on his bed, bathed in the sun. Golden and perfect, like always. Too perfect.
"Can you at least tell me why?" Thor asked in a whisper.
Loki snorted. "Aside from the obvious?"
Thor answered with a rueful smile.
"This thing between us… it fucked me up. I grew too close to you, Thor. Somewhere in my mind, at some point, there was a little Loki utterly convinced that I cannot live my life without you. He's probably still there, since we ended up like this," Loki commented bitterly, waving at their state of undress. "It's not right. I need to carve my place in the world. I cannot be just your brother, or your lover or, whatever. I need to be… me. Loki."
"You should've told me this before we fucked," Thor grumbled, fixing his clothes. He didn't look angry, just upset.
It still did things to Loki's gut. It still made him want to throw himself in his arms and tell him he was sorry and that he just wanted Thor to love him. Loki squashed the impulse, gripping his own wrist.
"I'm so sorry. You see, I cannot make myself stop. That's why I went to live in California, Thor. Because I still love you and I still need you, and I cannot do that, for my own sake. Will you forgive me?"
Thor looked up, right at him, and Loki felt the truth burn on his tongue. Everything he felt was wrong, that dependency wasn't healthy. But it didn't matter how many times he told himself that, he still couldn't let Thor let go.
"You have nothing to be forgiven for. I know that I can't take you from your life in California. You have your job there, your friends. Somebody told me that you dated Tony Stark, for a while?" Thor smiled at Loki's blush. "Happiness looks good on you. And I want you to be happy, Loki. I just hoped…"
"Yeah, I know."
A short silence settled between them.
"Maybe we should get dressed. I really don't want to get caught by mother right now that we're definitely going to break this thing off," Thor said, with a tight smile. Loki laughed nervously.
They fixed each other clothes, bumping in each other at every move, straightening their jackets and smoothing out messy hair the best they could, and then they were ready to leave the small space.
Loki was about to push the door when Thor grabbed him. "Wait, Loki."
He turned, and Thor captured his lips in a kiss. It was clean and polite, but so sweet that Loki felt his eyes get a little wet. Rarely Thor demonstrated his feelings with this brand of kindness.
"I just wanted to say goodbye," Thor whispered.
Loki nodded, his throat painfully tight. He pushed the door, and walked away in the corridor without looking back.
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe [Thor]
Pairing: Thor/Loki hinted casual Tony/Loki and other pairings
Rating: NSFW, just in case
Warning: aftermath of sex scene, incestuos relationship, AU, break-up
Wordcount: 1139
Note: Partecipa alla maritombola2014 di maridichallenge per il prompt #31; ripostiglio delle scope, e alla missione "Something old" per la prima settimana del COW-T 5. Crossposted at AO3
Summary: Loki left years ago to have a fresh start. He didn't think he would have fallen back on old habits when he got an invitation to the celebration for Thor's promotion to CEO.
He was still trembling from the aftershocks, Thor's strong hands that were pressing him up against the wall, hair falling in his eyes and come drying on his stomach, soiling his dress shirt, when the thought hit him.
He had sex with his brother in the broom closet. Again.
Loki wanted to laugh. Or to cry. Or both.
Why did he have to be so fucking stupid? What the hell was wrong with him?
He had moved half a country away so he couldn't see him. He'd been living in California for years. He had met people, made friends whom genuinely liked him for who he was and what he did, and had successful, satisfying relationships. He had a good job, a nice house, a cat that made his life hell but was too cute to be mad at. His life was full and it made him happy.
He had been honestly happy to hear from his family too, when the invitation came; years ago, Loki would have ripped the thing up in rage, but now that he had his own life, completely independent from the fate of his father's firm, he could congratulate Thor for his new position as CEO of Aesir Industries without blinking an eye.
He had discreetly ignored the "plus one" encouragement, not knowing which of his lovers would have been more inclined to bear a high society thing like that (and the only reason he hadn't asked Tony was that he hadn't wanted to cause a scene), and he prepared everything for the trip.
He had come to the party dressed to the nine; new tuxedo, neat ponytail, no make up and none of his piercings (he knew that his mother, even if she liked what he did for a living, didn't like to see him with those on if he was in a tuxedo). He had greeted his parents politely and with a smile. He had made small talk with the other guests, had wine, had fun, and then-
"Loki?"
"Shut up," Loki snapped, pushing off Thor wincing. Cringing, really.
"Did I hurt-"
"No, I'm fine. I'm just. Thor," Loki started to say, but he couldn't go on. He was acutely aware of the way he sounded wet and crackling. It was so awful. So embarrassing.
He wanted to step away from his brother, but there wasn't really room in the tight closet, so he just turned his back to him, and leaned his forehead against the cool wall, trying to catch his breath. He was still half naked but he didn't care, because honestly, it couldn't get worse than that.
"I like the new tattoo," Thor said quietly behind him.
Loki turned and looked at him. He looked like a mess, his long blond hair messily loose on his shoulders, the tie lost somewhere in the closet, a purplish hickey on his neck, the shirt open and wrinkled. He was stunningly beautiful, as always. His eyes were blue and gorgeous even in the shitty lighting.
He forced himself to smile. "Which one?"
"The blue watercolor. I don't quite get it, but it looks beautiful," Thor said, pressing himself closer, reaching out to touch his fingers on his wrist, where a pale blue and white lineless tattoo covered Loki's skin.
"It's a tesseract," Loki explained, touching the geometrical shapes. "Or, it should be. It's not like I can actually tattoo myself in the fourth dimension."
"What does it mean?"
"It means expanding my limits. Getting over the things that still chain me to the ground. It's flying. Pure creation and freedom," Loki murmured. Then he looked up, watching Thor. "We shouldn't have done this."
Thor looked pained. "I missed you so much, Loki."
"I missed you too. It doesn't mean we can keep doing this, Thor. It wasn't fine back then, and it's not fine now," Loki continued, looking away. He kept thinking of his house in California, how look Thor would have looked on his bed, bathed in the sun. Golden and perfect, like always. Too perfect.
"Can you at least tell me why?" Thor asked in a whisper.
Loki snorted. "Aside from the obvious?"
Thor answered with a rueful smile.
"This thing between us… it fucked me up. I grew too close to you, Thor. Somewhere in my mind, at some point, there was a little Loki utterly convinced that I cannot live my life without you. He's probably still there, since we ended up like this," Loki commented bitterly, waving at their state of undress. "It's not right. I need to carve my place in the world. I cannot be just your brother, or your lover or, whatever. I need to be… me. Loki."
"You should've told me this before we fucked," Thor grumbled, fixing his clothes. He didn't look angry, just upset.
It still did things to Loki's gut. It still made him want to throw himself in his arms and tell him he was sorry and that he just wanted Thor to love him. Loki squashed the impulse, gripping his own wrist.
"I'm so sorry. You see, I cannot make myself stop. That's why I went to live in California, Thor. Because I still love you and I still need you, and I cannot do that, for my own sake. Will you forgive me?"
Thor looked up, right at him, and Loki felt the truth burn on his tongue. Everything he felt was wrong, that dependency wasn't healthy. But it didn't matter how many times he told himself that, he still couldn't let Thor let go.
"You have nothing to be forgiven for. I know that I can't take you from your life in California. You have your job there, your friends. Somebody told me that you dated Tony Stark, for a while?" Thor smiled at Loki's blush. "Happiness looks good on you. And I want you to be happy, Loki. I just hoped…"
"Yeah, I know."
A short silence settled between them.
"Maybe we should get dressed. I really don't want to get caught by mother right now that we're definitely going to break this thing off," Thor said, with a tight smile. Loki laughed nervously.
They fixed each other clothes, bumping in each other at every move, straightening their jackets and smoothing out messy hair the best they could, and then they were ready to leave the small space.
Loki was about to push the door when Thor grabbed him. "Wait, Loki."
He turned, and Thor captured his lips in a kiss. It was clean and polite, but so sweet that Loki felt his eyes get a little wet. Rarely Thor demonstrated his feelings with this brand of kindness.
"I just wanted to say goodbye," Thor whispered.
Loki nodded, his throat painfully tight. He pushed the door, and walked away in the corridor without looking back.