No one is going to read this and I don't care.
My friend just killed himself and I'm alone. I'm home all alone and I'm scared and I want a friend but I don't have one. Fuck I hate this so much. I just can't be alone right now and I don't know what to do. I wish someone would help me but this isn't a movie and no one is going to just appear out of thin air and let me cry on their shoulder. That doesn't happen in real life. I tried to talk to Jess but all he's good for is talking about his own problems and Jacob doesn't understand anything. I don't know what to do tonight. I'm not sleeping. I can't sleep. What if the movies were finally right about something and I'll dream about him? I don't want that.
The most heartbreaking thing about all of this is how much it upset my dad. Maybe that's a selfish thing to think. My dad is usually so strong but I can just hear him saying "I miss Stuart" and things like that in a few years and that's painful for me. It's more painful than the actual suicide. I'm so confused. I need a friend, but fucking social anxiety is getting in my way. I hate this.
The most heartbreaking thing about all of this is how much it upset my dad. Maybe that's a selfish thing to think. My dad is usually so strong but I can just hear him saying "I miss Stuart" and things like that in a few years and that's painful for me. It's more painful than the actual suicide. I'm so confused. I need a friend, but fucking social anxiety is getting in my way. I hate this.