What Am I Doing??
I haven't updated in over a year. Yea yea. But I'm feeling the need to write tonight.
I'm dating this guy Jeff. We've been seeing each other for a little over 2 months now. And I can say without a doubt that I really like him. No bullshit. No cover ups. No hiding. I simply really like him. And it scares the holy hell out of me. I hate vulnerability. And I dunno. He doesn't talk about "us" really. And we're not official. Which is fine I guess but I just don't understand why. I'm very open with him. He knows that I'm not seeing anyone else, nor do I want to. I love being with him. And I know he enjoys our time together too, he's just not vocal about anything. I know he's got his baggage. And lord knows I've got mine. But I just think that I'm FINALLY ready to open myself to someone, and I don't know if it's supposed to be him.
Don't get me wrong. He's a great guy. He's sweet, funny, intelligent, hard working, level headed, and adorable. And I absolutely feel like we have a great connection. I guess it's just hard for me because I'm such a talker and he's incredibly quiet. We definately have our differences, anddd even though he says it doesn't matter I think our age difference bothers him a bit (he's 27). I would just love for him to talk to me. Tell me what he thinks and what he feels. And make things permanent with me. I wonder if he's ready for it. I know he's scared. I know that girls in the past have treated him badly. But I'm not like. I know how it feels to have your heart trampled on. And I know how it feels to trample someone. And I didn't like either.
I spoke to Joe recently. It's been almost 2 years since we've spoken. As it turns out he got married, and is contemplating getting a divorce. He also has a baby girl. I still can't believe it. I'm glad he's a daddy. I know it's what he wanted. But I can't say the same about him marriage. I mean. I know things with us were pretty sour, and I don't know really anything about his relationship with his wife, but from what I know.. He got married within a year of us breaking up. It makes me kind of upset that while I was so crushed and damaged, he was so quickly able to move on. I've FINALLY started to be able to care for someone again. It took me 2 years! He took him a matter of a few months. He says he still thinks about me. Sick thing is, I think about him too. How can you forget the first guy you loved? The guy you were with for 2 years. The guy you thought you were going to be with for the rest of your life. He talked about some good times that we had in the past. And honestly, it's weird to think about them. In one hand it feels like lifetimes ago, but when he talked about it, it felt like our whole history happened yesterday. It still boggles my mind how I was so infatuated with him. He was a huge part of my life for so long. I thought that I would never talk to him again. And now that he's back. Even though we just have simple conversations every once and awhile. It's weird. He knows about Jeff. No details but he knows that I care about him and that he's a wonderful person.
I wish I could talk to Jeff about all this. But I know some things are hard for him to talk about. And I don't want to scare him off. I guess no matter how much alike two people are there were always be those undeniable differences.
I'm dating this guy Jeff. We've been seeing each other for a little over 2 months now. And I can say without a doubt that I really like him. No bullshit. No cover ups. No hiding. I simply really like him. And it scares the holy hell out of me. I hate vulnerability. And I dunno. He doesn't talk about "us" really. And we're not official. Which is fine I guess but I just don't understand why. I'm very open with him. He knows that I'm not seeing anyone else, nor do I want to. I love being with him. And I know he enjoys our time together too, he's just not vocal about anything. I know he's got his baggage. And lord knows I've got mine. But I just think that I'm FINALLY ready to open myself to someone, and I don't know if it's supposed to be him.
Don't get me wrong. He's a great guy. He's sweet, funny, intelligent, hard working, level headed, and adorable. And I absolutely feel like we have a great connection. I guess it's just hard for me because I'm such a talker and he's incredibly quiet. We definately have our differences, anddd even though he says it doesn't matter I think our age difference bothers him a bit (he's 27). I would just love for him to talk to me. Tell me what he thinks and what he feels. And make things permanent with me. I wonder if he's ready for it. I know he's scared. I know that girls in the past have treated him badly. But I'm not like. I know how it feels to have your heart trampled on. And I know how it feels to trample someone. And I didn't like either.
I spoke to Joe recently. It's been almost 2 years since we've spoken. As it turns out he got married, and is contemplating getting a divorce. He also has a baby girl. I still can't believe it. I'm glad he's a daddy. I know it's what he wanted. But I can't say the same about him marriage. I mean. I know things with us were pretty sour, and I don't know really anything about his relationship with his wife, but from what I know.. He got married within a year of us breaking up. It makes me kind of upset that while I was so crushed and damaged, he was so quickly able to move on. I've FINALLY started to be able to care for someone again. It took me 2 years! He took him a matter of a few months. He says he still thinks about me. Sick thing is, I think about him too. How can you forget the first guy you loved? The guy you were with for 2 years. The guy you thought you were going to be with for the rest of your life. He talked about some good times that we had in the past. And honestly, it's weird to think about them. In one hand it feels like lifetimes ago, but when he talked about it, it felt like our whole history happened yesterday. It still boggles my mind how I was so infatuated with him. He was a huge part of my life for so long. I thought that I would never talk to him again. And now that he's back. Even though we just have simple conversations every once and awhile. It's weird. He knows about Jeff. No details but he knows that I care about him and that he's a wonderful person.
I wish I could talk to Jeff about all this. But I know some things are hard for him to talk about. And I don't want to scare him off. I guess no matter how much alike two people are there were always be those undeniable differences.