Germany: Day by Day
April 3: I don’t want to talk about it, but it never happened to Simone de Beauvoir.
April 4: Arrive in Germany. Elena’s hair went bye-bye. I have the long hair. Elena drives a big van. Big vans are fun. Meet Elena’s friend Julika. Julika is nice. Take a nappy in Hamburg. Naps are fun. We go to a carnival. I eat candy-covered grapes. They make my tummy happy.
April 5: Go out at 1 am. Come home at 4 am. Hamburg is fun at night. They show nudies everywhere. Prostitutes hang out on the streets. They smell funny. Julika doesn’t come home until 9 am. She forgot what happened. Elena and I try to wake her up at 11 am. Julika doesn’t like that. We drive to Kiel. Kiel is windy. I meet Kai, Elena’s friend. Kai is funny. We take a boat around the harbour. Julika likes to run around the boat. Julika, Elena and I drive to a party in Flensburg. I meet Nicholas. He lived in Ludington for a year. Why would he do a silly thing like that? Elena and I leave to meet Elena’s parents. They are super nice. Elena’s dad doesn’t speak English to me. That’s okay because he makes lots of food. Elena’s mom has friends over. They are funny ladies. I like them all.
April 6: We go back to the party. Everyone is drunk and stoned. Elena, two friends, and I go to have a burrito. Silly Germans, this isn’t a burrito. I learn new German words. It is late, time for bed. We sleep for twelve hours. We are lazy. We get up and go to Denmark for a hotdog. We meet Elena’s mom and her friends. They buy us hotdogs and I get Danish money. Funny money, they have holes in them. Elena and I go to another carnival and eat more candy grapes. I poke myself with the stick. Owwww.
April 7: We get up early and take the bus to Berlin. Berlin is big. Elena lives on the east side by a big yellow building. It is pretty. Her flat is a mess. She just moved in. We talk. It is nice. I like talking.
April 8: Elena has short hair and builds furniture. I have long hair and cook. I like aprons. Elena likes tool belts. Mommy would be worried if I didn’t know Elena.
April 9: We see ‘About Schmidt.’ I laugh because the man with funny hair said, ‘stoked.’
April 10: Elena and I go to her university. I order food in German. I have to point. Elena and I are having fun.
April 11: Elena goes to university. I build chairs. I feel like a man. Then, I go flower shopping.
April 12: Red Wings are stupid heads.
April 13: Beds are comfortable.
April 14: Elena goes to take Romanian lessons. She is smart. I take 47 pictures of statues. I am not smart.
April 15: Rainer and I drive to Köln. I don’t know Rainer. He drives a Saab 9000 Turbo. It goes vroom vroom. He likes Sinatra and has a disco ball in his car. He has two other friends. We don’t talk much. He drops me off in front of Stefan’s flat. Stefan, his friends, and I have a BBQ. I eat pig.
April 16: Stefan and I look around Köln. It is nice. We go to a picnic in the park. Hello Carla and Paul. Paul is English. He has to translate what I say so people understand me. I like Paul. I gave him a kiss. Mommy is worried. Paul is worried. Everyone is looking at me.
April 17: Stefan and I go to a big church. I don’t like church. I have to dress up, but not here. We go to the top. There are so many steps. I get dizzy. We go to Bonn. We walk lots and my feet hurt. We go to Stefan’s home in Wuppertal. We go to another BBQ. We drink vodka. I like vodka. I broke a glass. It was the table’s fault, though. I swear.
April 18: Stefan and I ride on the suspended monorail. It is scary at times. Stefan holds me. Mommy is worried again. We go and drink beer in an old swimming pool. I like beer.
April 19: I go back to Berlin. Some guy takes me. I don’t know his name either. He is late. I buy a postcard with a twenty. The lady doesn’t like that. They are passing out free cigars at the train station. Now, I am addicted to smoking. The guy drives a Mercedes. There is an Asian girl there, too. We have to go to his home first. He has been up for 10 hours. He is tired. I am scared. I make it to Berlin. He drops me off. I am lost. I am always lost. Elena helps me out. I take a taxi home. The driver makes me smile. He likes to clap when he drives. I make it back to Elena’s home. I gave her a big hug. Elena is sweet. I like Elena.
April 20: It is Easter. Jesus died so the Easter Bunny would come. Elena and I eat lots of eggs. We are full. We walk around Berlin. It is nice. We talk. I like talking with Elena. She does funny things.
April 21: We see a movie. It is funny. Elena helps me understand why I should laugh. It is in German with English subtitles. I have to read. Reading helps me grow. We go back home. We are tired, but talk some more. Talking helps us grow.
April 22: We wake up at 5:30 am. I hate time. We go to the train station. I get there on time. I am never anywhere on time. It is a miracle people say. Elena and I say goodbye. I take the train to Mainz. People speak Germany to me. I don’t speak Germany. I am dumb. I nod and smile. People understand. I make it to Mainz okay. It is another miracle. I had to change trains and it was on time. England should learn this neat trick. Another Stefan picks me up. We walk around Mainz. We go to a bar. Oh no, tequila is only 60 cents a shot. We drank a bottle. It tasted good.
April 23: Stefan is tired from the tequila. We go to Frankfurt. America lives here. We go back to Mainz and watch football/soccer. I have lots of fun.
April 24: I have to go home. We get up at 7:00. I take a bus from Mainz to the airport, the plane to London, four trains from London to Manchester, and another train home. It takes 10 hours. I am tired. Richard used my things while I was gone and didn’t clean. I have to buy new things now. Andy isn’t home. I am bored. I go see ‘Johnny English.’ I walk home. A boy wants to hurt me. He is stupid. I tell him he has a nice sweater. He walks away. I like Germany. I will go back one day, someday, maybe soon.
April 4: Arrive in Germany. Elena’s hair went bye-bye. I have the long hair. Elena drives a big van. Big vans are fun. Meet Elena’s friend Julika. Julika is nice. Take a nappy in Hamburg. Naps are fun. We go to a carnival. I eat candy-covered grapes. They make my tummy happy.
April 5: Go out at 1 am. Come home at 4 am. Hamburg is fun at night. They show nudies everywhere. Prostitutes hang out on the streets. They smell funny. Julika doesn’t come home until 9 am. She forgot what happened. Elena and I try to wake her up at 11 am. Julika doesn’t like that. We drive to Kiel. Kiel is windy. I meet Kai, Elena’s friend. Kai is funny. We take a boat around the harbour. Julika likes to run around the boat. Julika, Elena and I drive to a party in Flensburg. I meet Nicholas. He lived in Ludington for a year. Why would he do a silly thing like that? Elena and I leave to meet Elena’s parents. They are super nice. Elena’s dad doesn’t speak English to me. That’s okay because he makes lots of food. Elena’s mom has friends over. They are funny ladies. I like them all.
April 6: We go back to the party. Everyone is drunk and stoned. Elena, two friends, and I go to have a burrito. Silly Germans, this isn’t a burrito. I learn new German words. It is late, time for bed. We sleep for twelve hours. We are lazy. We get up and go to Denmark for a hotdog. We meet Elena’s mom and her friends. They buy us hotdogs and I get Danish money. Funny money, they have holes in them. Elena and I go to another carnival and eat more candy grapes. I poke myself with the stick. Owwww.
April 7: We get up early and take the bus to Berlin. Berlin is big. Elena lives on the east side by a big yellow building. It is pretty. Her flat is a mess. She just moved in. We talk. It is nice. I like talking.
April 8: Elena has short hair and builds furniture. I have long hair and cook. I like aprons. Elena likes tool belts. Mommy would be worried if I didn’t know Elena.
April 9: We see ‘About Schmidt.’ I laugh because the man with funny hair said, ‘stoked.’
April 10: Elena and I go to her university. I order food in German. I have to point. Elena and I are having fun.
April 11: Elena goes to university. I build chairs. I feel like a man. Then, I go flower shopping.
April 12: Red Wings are stupid heads.
April 13: Beds are comfortable.
April 14: Elena goes to take Romanian lessons. She is smart. I take 47 pictures of statues. I am not smart.
April 15: Rainer and I drive to Köln. I don’t know Rainer. He drives a Saab 9000 Turbo. It goes vroom vroom. He likes Sinatra and has a disco ball in his car. He has two other friends. We don’t talk much. He drops me off in front of Stefan’s flat. Stefan, his friends, and I have a BBQ. I eat pig.
April 16: Stefan and I look around Köln. It is nice. We go to a picnic in the park. Hello Carla and Paul. Paul is English. He has to translate what I say so people understand me. I like Paul. I gave him a kiss. Mommy is worried. Paul is worried. Everyone is looking at me.
April 17: Stefan and I go to a big church. I don’t like church. I have to dress up, but not here. We go to the top. There are so many steps. I get dizzy. We go to Bonn. We walk lots and my feet hurt. We go to Stefan’s home in Wuppertal. We go to another BBQ. We drink vodka. I like vodka. I broke a glass. It was the table’s fault, though. I swear.
April 18: Stefan and I ride on the suspended monorail. It is scary at times. Stefan holds me. Mommy is worried again. We go and drink beer in an old swimming pool. I like beer.
April 19: I go back to Berlin. Some guy takes me. I don’t know his name either. He is late. I buy a postcard with a twenty. The lady doesn’t like that. They are passing out free cigars at the train station. Now, I am addicted to smoking. The guy drives a Mercedes. There is an Asian girl there, too. We have to go to his home first. He has been up for 10 hours. He is tired. I am scared. I make it to Berlin. He drops me off. I am lost. I am always lost. Elena helps me out. I take a taxi home. The driver makes me smile. He likes to clap when he drives. I make it back to Elena’s home. I gave her a big hug. Elena is sweet. I like Elena.
April 20: It is Easter. Jesus died so the Easter Bunny would come. Elena and I eat lots of eggs. We are full. We walk around Berlin. It is nice. We talk. I like talking with Elena. She does funny things.
April 21: We see a movie. It is funny. Elena helps me understand why I should laugh. It is in German with English subtitles. I have to read. Reading helps me grow. We go back home. We are tired, but talk some more. Talking helps us grow.
April 22: We wake up at 5:30 am. I hate time. We go to the train station. I get there on time. I am never anywhere on time. It is a miracle people say. Elena and I say goodbye. I take the train to Mainz. People speak Germany to me. I don’t speak Germany. I am dumb. I nod and smile. People understand. I make it to Mainz okay. It is another miracle. I had to change trains and it was on time. England should learn this neat trick. Another Stefan picks me up. We walk around Mainz. We go to a bar. Oh no, tequila is only 60 cents a shot. We drank a bottle. It tasted good.
April 23: Stefan is tired from the tequila. We go to Frankfurt. America lives here. We go back to Mainz and watch football/soccer. I have lots of fun.
April 24: I have to go home. We get up at 7:00. I take a bus from Mainz to the airport, the plane to London, four trains from London to Manchester, and another train home. It takes 10 hours. I am tired. Richard used my things while I was gone and didn’t clean. I have to buy new things now. Andy isn’t home. I am bored. I go see ‘Johnny English.’ I walk home. A boy wants to hurt me. He is stupid. I tell him he has a nice sweater. He walks away. I like Germany. I will go back one day, someday, maybe soon.