(no subject)
...silly me for thinking that i of all people would find someone to be with. i really thought that this was it. i am not saying we were going to get married but just be happy being together in a relationship. we were good as friends. we got along and i wasn't scared that i was going to get my heart broken. i feel so dumb for even discussing this now; to admit to defeat. i hate this feeling and i hate that i was naive enough to think i could be in a good place in my life for once. i never ask for much and some how i seemed to get fucked everytime. i can't say this enough I HATE THIS FEELING. when i first acknowledged what was going on i could bearly even move. it was like having an anxiety attack. i couldn't controll what was going on. i forgot that i was sitting in my chair and what i had been doing at the time. worst of all i can't stop questioning him. his reasoning for ending it all just doesn't click. I need a more valid explanation. does it really take three years and counting to be ready? I did everything i thought i could to reasure him i was wanted to be with him and that i was appreciative. So what it comes down to now is that he wants to be my friend but honestly i can't imagine it working out that way. Before this it was easier for me to just be fine with whatever and walk away when i was bored. But now I had actually invested in something. How could he just drop things and decide that it wasn't that valuable enough for him to stay because "he just wasn't ready." History doesn't repeat itself. I get that being in 3 year relationship is hard to let go of but you can't let it haunt you for that long. Life is cruel but you keep on living.
So where does this leave me now?
So where does this leave me now?