No subject can describe this...

[sometimeophelia]

So I was in my kitchen making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and this thought hit me. What constitutes a date? Don't ask me why it came to me as I was spreading the peanut butter on the bread but it did. What is a date? Does it require one person asking the other person "Would you like to go out with me sometime?" or can it be as simple as two people having dinner together, and then going to see a movie afterwards. No this isn't inspired about a specific event, and I'm not trying to make one fit into a mold of a date that I have created in my head... Is it a formal thing? Do formal dates exist as they used to anymore? Growing up movies, books, television, society tell us that a date is usually a guy asking a girl to go out to dinner or go out to a movie or something..but its usually preceeded by one of the two saying: Would you like to go out with me? But does this really happen anymore? More important does that tactic work anymore. We are told by our friends, family members, anyone we go to for advice on romantic relationships to ask the person would you like to go out sometime? or a more specific version of this question.. because we are afraid that the person will turn us down, and that with the lack of specificity that it will cushion the blow, but does it? A No is a No no matter what it is said to. Plus if the person isn't interested in dating you, but says sure in response to that because they are a nice person, then doesn't this just complicate things even more? You got a case of inadvertant lead-on, which just makes this something that is even harder to define and deal with. If the two of you do hang out, go see a movie whatever, then the person who asked the previous question is going to atleast wonder- Am I out on a date with this person? Which brings me back to my question-- What is a date? Josh and I saw the musician Dave Barnes in concert one time and leading up to one of his songs he says "Have you ever been dating someone who wasn't dating you?" His qualifications for this was that the person was either in a different zip code, state or mindframe, and you were in that mindframe of yeah we're dating..but just kinda loosely. Maybe he had some other qualifications but this was all that I can remember. Are there rules for a date? I heard in some movie or read in some book where girls were discussing this and were saying it's a date if the guy pays for you. Another thing... it's a date if he picks you up, and drive you home. Do these rules still exist? Who came up with these things? And more importantly where do opposite sex friends fit into this? I have lost count of the number of times that I have been out with guys who I thought were just friends where they paid for the meal, and picked me up and brought me home. By the previously established standards set forth by society, Was I on a date with them and didn't know it? And if I was, then hell I've been on a ton of dates with guys. Does a romantic intent have to exist for it to be considered a date? Does a date even have to be something that involves getting in a car and going somewhere? I've had friends tell me after I have relayed a story about my previous semester or a previous situation make the comment-- did he not realize that for all intensive purposes he was dating you and for that matter did you not realize that you were dating him? Is it possible to be dating someone and never even know it yourself? On the otherside-- maybe flipside-- can you be dating without ever technically having gone out on a date? If you spend so much time with a particular person-- like most of your spare time--- and it's just with that one person alone- Are you dating them? Like I said there isn't a specific thing I am refering to or a situation I'm trying to figure out... Just using this page the way that I would use a conversation with some people. Let's return to the inadvertant lead on scenerio--- It's a no win situation for either person. If you are the nice person who didn't want to be mean-- then you have to deal with the repercussions of having this other person hanging around who thinks that you're interested and that you two are dating.. and if you are the unfortunate one to think that you are dating that person.. Well it's pretty self explanitory that you're screwed in this situation and the longer clarity is kept from you, the more pain you are in for. Where did this whole nice "problem" come from? I mean yeah don't get me wrong being a nice person and all is a wonderful thing, but if it goes too far then you turn into something else. I'm not quite sure what, but you have surpassed the nice classification maybe you have become doormat? *Shrugs shoulders* There is no such thing as being able to not hurt anyone's feelings... it doesn't work that way. Someone's feelings will always be hurt maybe not immediately but eventually. I'm all for being nice to people, but sometimes the nicest thing you can do is be honest with them, wouldn't you want the other person to be honest with you if the situation was reversed? It's like a cut on your finger from a rusty knife would you want to go ahead and get the tetnus (Sp) shot that may hurt for a few days... or let the cut get infected and the infection work it's way out to where you have to lose your hand or worse your arm? Gross analogy I know but it works doesn't it?
you know I re read this thing how did I end up here? let's try and get this back on track..
A date- what is it? What makes it a date? And I'm not talking about some fluff definition that invovles feelings and crap. I'm talking rules, parameters. Shouldn't there be some basic ones? I mean something that we as a society can come up and that they are realistic. I used to be one of those girls who would get pissed at Disney and various romantic comedies because it's an unrealistic picture of what the real world is like, but then I remember-- those exist as idealistic visions, and dreams. It's the way that we all wish things would happen--- we all have that person that we wish would fall madly inlove with us, be it the next door neighbor, the best friend, the person who's in your class in high school/ college/ grad school, or that person that you randomly met at the pub/ bar, and if this was a movie, then it would happen, and any obstacles thrown in your way you would over come because it was love. Hell even in the movies True Love overcomes death (Princess Bride anyone?) But life isn't like that, in life you aren't the only one that wants that person to fall in love with them- and it can't work out for all of us to have our movie happy ending. They never really tell you that. You're just expected to know that- You're expected to know that life doesn't work out like some fairytale... Sure you can meet your version of prince charming, and be married and have kids if you want them, but i think we all have to go thru hell to get to that point.
When my sister got engaged I started paying more attention to engagement stories...each one of them are beautiful in their own way. I used to dream of the way that I wanted a guy to propose to me-- a bear with the ring sewn to his paw and a press here button that popped the question when asked; a trail of rose petals leading to a box, where there sat the ring; I used to have a ton of these things.. but then I realized that every engagemnet is a fairytale for those two people...and I know that it will be for me to.

Okay well before I find my way to other topics I'm gonna end it here.....

PS- JOSH- this is what happens when you and I haven't had a long winding talk for close to two and a half months....