i havent written anythin meaningn ful in a while...
i wrote this intoxicated... but i feel like it was worth it.
Life is tricky. I am aware that man has known this since the dawn of time; I am not trying to reinvent the wheel here. However, I recently feel like I have begun to appreciate the intricate puzzles it presents. Grasp this fact: No one will ever be able to tell you how to make life easy and happy. There are no memorized solutions for those two things. Not because life will never be easy or because no one is ever truly happy, but because neither two people’s struggles nor happiness are ever exactly the same. You have to figure these things out for yourself.
Chances are someone has told you at some point in your life that there is a fine line between love and hate. Hopefully, they didn’t leave you hanging there with only love and hate. There is a fine line between all opposites and what I feel people miss most often is that they are forever interdependent. You would never appreciate a clean house if it was never messy. You would never be grateful for relief if you never felt suffering. If you lived a life utterly free of pain and grief, sincere happiness would mean nothing. They say there is nothing like losing a child, but from my own experience, the few parents I know who have lost a child would never EVER trade the happiness they felt when they first laid eyes on their baby girl or baby boy to evade the grief they experienced when they lost that child… And if you stop and honestly think about it, you probably would not trade your top 5 moments of the most sincere happiness for anything. I would be willing to bet you wouldn’t even be able to pick them out of your life without knowing what your 5 least enticing memories felt like. Perspective.
If you’ve ever thought about marrying rich so you could be a housewife or stay at home mom/dad/husband, whatever… give it a test drive first. It is not for everyone. In the weeks since my accident I have had an estimated 10 hours a day that I am unsure what to do with. I sleep for about 7, clean or run errands for 2 at the most, do homework or go to practice for about 2, and work out for about 2.5. I find myself taking the longest walking route possible to most of my destinations, or making more of a mess when I try on clothes just so I can eat up time folding and re-hanging them later. But, I have been given the opportunity to acknowledge things I did not previously acknowledge.
When you’re scrumming in a game of rugby, you are most likely to win when all 8 players move as one pack. Locking out, squeezing, driving - you have the most power when you are the most together. Your mind works the same way. “When you are scatterbrained, your mind is powerless…” So I’ve begun really trying to focus on one thing at a time. One moment, one feeling, one thought. Just one thing at a time. I know people say it all the time that they’re living for each moment like it’s their last. Cliché, blah blah. But really try it. REALLY try it. Lose everything else around you. You’ll remember what it felt like.
Pensacola Street in Tallahassee, Florida is no little road. The stretch of Pensacola between my house and campus is like 5 or 6 lanes. It’s noisy and smelly and there is always traffic. I was walking to campus a short while ago right around sunset. It was a beautiful - both physically and aesthetically pleasing - time to be walking. A Regina Spektor song began to play on my ipod and I found it necessary to do nothing but dance. I was safe, I was on the sidewalk and I was not going to have to cross any more streets between where I was and campus. So I danced. With all 6 lanes of smelly traffic next to me, I was unaware of anything but the song in my head and the happy movement of my feet. When the song ended I returned to walking. I ran into a friend later who said “I saw you dancing down Pensacola St like a fool today. And at first all I could say was look at that big asshole. Then I realized you had the largest, happiest smile on your face. And I felt like the asshole.”
For the rest of the night after my little dance I was happier than I remembered being in a while. 3 stupid minutes of bliss made a life altering car accident all ok. Did it make me forget how bad it hurt? Certainly not. Did it make me forget all the changes I’ve had to make to adjust? No, that’s absurd. Did it lessen the load of work I have to do to get my life back to pre-accident desires? No, that’s going to take a lot longer than three minutes. That dance did not make me richer or skinnier. It did not undo what was done. But, is there anyway to guarantee myself I would have had those 3 minutes of bliss if I wasn’t taking the longest path possible to get to the gym to eat up some of those 10 hours? There certainly isn’t. I know it gets old to hear that everything happens for a reason. But, I think one day we will find that it did. And that we have to be willing to accept that we sometimes have to give more than we get. You probably think I am crazy, telling you that I was able to equalize getting ran over with a sunset, a busy street, a song, and some bad dancing, but I feel like moments of true clarity are far less common than car accidents.
It really isn’t over until the fat lady sings. And you always have a shot at the prize as long as it’s not over. Everything takes work. Good comes from bad. Happiness makes you cry. You’d have no gauge on easy if things were never hard. I have been working very hard lately at overcoming who I became when I tucked my tail in to defeat. I was not dealt an easy hand at all my first 18 years of life. And I would not eradicate the worst parts of those first 18 years if it meant surrendering the good times I picked up along my way. And I caught a great break when I came to college. I found “me” and settled into a person I liked waaaaaaay more than most do. And then my junior year of college dealt me quite a few rounds that were ugly enough to fit in with those first 18 years. And I again, would not eradicate the lows of my junior year of college if it meant surrendering my sophomore year of college for anything but exactly how I experienced it. But, I let a lot of those lows defeat me and the girl I had become during my first two years of college. I let bitterness overtake a lot of time that could’ve been happiness and then I spent more time dwelling on what I’d lost and what could have been. I let situations that were far below me get the best of me. I not only dampened my own spirits, but I let other people dictate how damp they got, also. So I have the choice now to pity myself for things that happened that were out of my control, or figure out better solutions for the next time I encounter situations similar to the ones I could control but failed to do so. I lost myself in the bitterness. I couldn’t grasp when to let it go.
Let yourself be “you”, absolutely. You should never be an imitation of someone else and you should never change who you are at the expense of happiness. But do not get stuck, either. Stay limber. We are given hard times, tests, and trials, I know. And I also know that I’d rather be anything but wrong. But if I wasn’t ever, I’d still be the same person I was 10 years ago. So be yourself, but make sure you allow room to become your best self. “You” today should trump the “you” from yesterday everyday of your life. There is a difference between standing your ground and being stubborn, and it’s not easy, I know, but your “you” should be able to evolve without ever losing its concepts. Perspective. There were very few aspects of the “me”I liked that I didn’t lose. I urge you not to either..
Do everything you can for anyone you can. Not because you should, not because you want to, not because you’ll get anything out of it, but because you can. People are going to try and take advantage of your kindness when you do. They’ll try to scam you or guilt you or bully you. They’ll try to ride you for every mile or every penny you’re worth. That doesn’t mean you should give up. Learn and move on. People will be people. They will err. It will always happen. Relationships will always have highs and lows. We are always going to lose people along the way. Relationships will deteriorate. And there will be for one of two reasons: sometimes things break because they will mend stronger. Other times things will break because they are meant to be broken. Either way, you should never leave someone behind in bitterness. When you look back on a relationship and you think of moments that made you laugh - please laugh. When you stumble across thoughts and memories that make you sad - allow yourself to acknowledge why. Can you take that with you to help you trump yesterday’s you? When you stumble across thoughts that lead to anger, change the direction of your thinking. Think of it this way: When you feel anger, your blood pressure rises and so does your body temperature. Anger creates heat and the longer you expose yourself to heat, the more likely you are to suffer a severe
burn… Learn from it and move on as quickly as possible.
There is one set of words that I feel I see everywhere. Live. Laugh. Love. You should. Live as much as you can. Conquer fears, take risks, go to bed feeling accomplished every night. Laugh, with a pure whole heart EVERYTIME you can. Love something about everyone you meet. Your family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, enemies - you may not want to admit it, but there is something about every person on this planet that you could love. Perspective.
Life is tricky. I am aware that man has known this since the dawn of time; I am not trying to reinvent the wheel here. However, I recently feel like I have begun to appreciate the intricate puzzles it presents. Grasp this fact: No one will ever be able to tell you how to make life easy and happy. There are no memorized solutions for those two things. Not because life will never be easy or because no one is ever truly happy, but because neither two people’s struggles nor happiness are ever exactly the same. You have to figure these things out for yourself.
Chances are someone has told you at some point in your life that there is a fine line between love and hate. Hopefully, they didn’t leave you hanging there with only love and hate. There is a fine line between all opposites and what I feel people miss most often is that they are forever interdependent. You would never appreciate a clean house if it was never messy. You would never be grateful for relief if you never felt suffering. If you lived a life utterly free of pain and grief, sincere happiness would mean nothing. They say there is nothing like losing a child, but from my own experience, the few parents I know who have lost a child would never EVER trade the happiness they felt when they first laid eyes on their baby girl or baby boy to evade the grief they experienced when they lost that child… And if you stop and honestly think about it, you probably would not trade your top 5 moments of the most sincere happiness for anything. I would be willing to bet you wouldn’t even be able to pick them out of your life without knowing what your 5 least enticing memories felt like. Perspective.
If you’ve ever thought about marrying rich so you could be a housewife or stay at home mom/dad/husband, whatever… give it a test drive first. It is not for everyone. In the weeks since my accident I have had an estimated 10 hours a day that I am unsure what to do with. I sleep for about 7, clean or run errands for 2 at the most, do homework or go to practice for about 2, and work out for about 2.5. I find myself taking the longest walking route possible to most of my destinations, or making more of a mess when I try on clothes just so I can eat up time folding and re-hanging them later. But, I have been given the opportunity to acknowledge things I did not previously acknowledge.
When you’re scrumming in a game of rugby, you are most likely to win when all 8 players move as one pack. Locking out, squeezing, driving - you have the most power when you are the most together. Your mind works the same way. “When you are scatterbrained, your mind is powerless…” So I’ve begun really trying to focus on one thing at a time. One moment, one feeling, one thought. Just one thing at a time. I know people say it all the time that they’re living for each moment like it’s their last. Cliché, blah blah. But really try it. REALLY try it. Lose everything else around you. You’ll remember what it felt like.
Pensacola Street in Tallahassee, Florida is no little road. The stretch of Pensacola between my house and campus is like 5 or 6 lanes. It’s noisy and smelly and there is always traffic. I was walking to campus a short while ago right around sunset. It was a beautiful - both physically and aesthetically pleasing - time to be walking. A Regina Spektor song began to play on my ipod and I found it necessary to do nothing but dance. I was safe, I was on the sidewalk and I was not going to have to cross any more streets between where I was and campus. So I danced. With all 6 lanes of smelly traffic next to me, I was unaware of anything but the song in my head and the happy movement of my feet. When the song ended I returned to walking. I ran into a friend later who said “I saw you dancing down Pensacola St like a fool today. And at first all I could say was look at that big asshole. Then I realized you had the largest, happiest smile on your face. And I felt like the asshole.”
For the rest of the night after my little dance I was happier than I remembered being in a while. 3 stupid minutes of bliss made a life altering car accident all ok. Did it make me forget how bad it hurt? Certainly not. Did it make me forget all the changes I’ve had to make to adjust? No, that’s absurd. Did it lessen the load of work I have to do to get my life back to pre-accident desires? No, that’s going to take a lot longer than three minutes. That dance did not make me richer or skinnier. It did not undo what was done. But, is there anyway to guarantee myself I would have had those 3 minutes of bliss if I wasn’t taking the longest path possible to get to the gym to eat up some of those 10 hours? There certainly isn’t. I know it gets old to hear that everything happens for a reason. But, I think one day we will find that it did. And that we have to be willing to accept that we sometimes have to give more than we get. You probably think I am crazy, telling you that I was able to equalize getting ran over with a sunset, a busy street, a song, and some bad dancing, but I feel like moments of true clarity are far less common than car accidents.
It really isn’t over until the fat lady sings. And you always have a shot at the prize as long as it’s not over. Everything takes work. Good comes from bad. Happiness makes you cry. You’d have no gauge on easy if things were never hard. I have been working very hard lately at overcoming who I became when I tucked my tail in to defeat. I was not dealt an easy hand at all my first 18 years of life. And I would not eradicate the worst parts of those first 18 years if it meant surrendering the good times I picked up along my way. And I caught a great break when I came to college. I found “me” and settled into a person I liked waaaaaaay more than most do. And then my junior year of college dealt me quite a few rounds that were ugly enough to fit in with those first 18 years. And I again, would not eradicate the lows of my junior year of college if it meant surrendering my sophomore year of college for anything but exactly how I experienced it. But, I let a lot of those lows defeat me and the girl I had become during my first two years of college. I let bitterness overtake a lot of time that could’ve been happiness and then I spent more time dwelling on what I’d lost and what could have been. I let situations that were far below me get the best of me. I not only dampened my own spirits, but I let other people dictate how damp they got, also. So I have the choice now to pity myself for things that happened that were out of my control, or figure out better solutions for the next time I encounter situations similar to the ones I could control but failed to do so. I lost myself in the bitterness. I couldn’t grasp when to let it go.
Let yourself be “you”, absolutely. You should never be an imitation of someone else and you should never change who you are at the expense of happiness. But do not get stuck, either. Stay limber. We are given hard times, tests, and trials, I know. And I also know that I’d rather be anything but wrong. But if I wasn’t ever, I’d still be the same person I was 10 years ago. So be yourself, but make sure you allow room to become your best self. “You” today should trump the “you” from yesterday everyday of your life. There is a difference between standing your ground and being stubborn, and it’s not easy, I know, but your “you” should be able to evolve without ever losing its concepts. Perspective. There were very few aspects of the “me”I liked that I didn’t lose. I urge you not to either..
Do everything you can for anyone you can. Not because you should, not because you want to, not because you’ll get anything out of it, but because you can. People are going to try and take advantage of your kindness when you do. They’ll try to scam you or guilt you or bully you. They’ll try to ride you for every mile or every penny you’re worth. That doesn’t mean you should give up. Learn and move on. People will be people. They will err. It will always happen. Relationships will always have highs and lows. We are always going to lose people along the way. Relationships will deteriorate. And there will be for one of two reasons: sometimes things break because they will mend stronger. Other times things will break because they are meant to be broken. Either way, you should never leave someone behind in bitterness. When you look back on a relationship and you think of moments that made you laugh - please laugh. When you stumble across thoughts and memories that make you sad - allow yourself to acknowledge why. Can you take that with you to help you trump yesterday’s you? When you stumble across thoughts that lead to anger, change the direction of your thinking. Think of it this way: When you feel anger, your blood pressure rises and so does your body temperature. Anger creates heat and the longer you expose yourself to heat, the more likely you are to suffer a severe
burn… Learn from it and move on as quickly as possible.
There is one set of words that I feel I see everywhere. Live. Laugh. Love. You should. Live as much as you can. Conquer fears, take risks, go to bed feeling accomplished every night. Laugh, with a pure whole heart EVERYTIME you can. Love something about everyone you meet. Your family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, enemies - you may not want to admit it, but there is something about every person on this planet that you could love. Perspective.