I fake it so real I am beyond fake
Sometimes I wonder what will happen when I die. Everyone is so bugging about Heath Ledger, and feeling sorry for him. RIP Heath, pray for the Ledger family, how sad how sad. But non of you knew him, maybe he was the devil. It looks as though he killed himself, and he has a 2 year old daughter. I think that's a little selfish. I don't really feel bad for him at all. But I wonder if I will get the same general reaction. Will everyone be like "OMG can't believe Elise is dead!" "Can't believe she's really gone"?? Which is really dumb... I'm not immortal, nor is anyone else. Why is it hard to believe that anyone dies? Why is it hard to grasp and come to terms when a celebrity dies? They are mortals. We all are. Fuck that, I'm not Santa or Harry Potter or Joan Rivers. I will die. And I bet I'll go in more style than naked surrounded by drugs.
I feel terrible for not wanting to spend every second with my boyfriend. He kind of needs me to; he needs my attention and affection and needs it al constantly. I can't handle that. I need him to be strong without me. He needs to know who he is, and I can't do much about that. I love him, but I don't know what to do. I need to be me, but I want him to be happy too. It's hard.
Pretty sure I suffer from dysthymia. But hey, I've been dealing. And no one else seems to give a shit.
I feel like I've cried for help for years and have just given up. Accepted the abnormal as normal and gone on living. Failing at life is not a choice, not for me. I move on. I hate asking for help, and I don't hardly ever. I deal with shit on my own.
One of the worst parts of that is that hardly anyone acknowledges my independence. Well, at least acknowledges it as a positive attribute. Moreso it gets classified as me being selfish and antisocial.
I'm extremely in control of my emotions and decisions, I just don't always make them public. Or find a proper way to let them out, I suppose. I know how I feel, I just don't know what to say.
It just scares me that these feelings aren't really looking as if they will ever truly leave.
And now my mind is blank again. Fuck this shit. I'm so sick of it.
I feel terrible for not wanting to spend every second with my boyfriend. He kind of needs me to; he needs my attention and affection and needs it al constantly. I can't handle that. I need him to be strong without me. He needs to know who he is, and I can't do much about that. I love him, but I don't know what to do. I need to be me, but I want him to be happy too. It's hard.
Pretty sure I suffer from dysthymia. But hey, I've been dealing. And no one else seems to give a shit.
I feel like I've cried for help for years and have just given up. Accepted the abnormal as normal and gone on living. Failing at life is not a choice, not for me. I move on. I hate asking for help, and I don't hardly ever. I deal with shit on my own.
One of the worst parts of that is that hardly anyone acknowledges my independence. Well, at least acknowledges it as a positive attribute. Moreso it gets classified as me being selfish and antisocial.
I'm extremely in control of my emotions and decisions, I just don't always make them public. Or find a proper way to let them out, I suppose. I know how I feel, I just don't know what to say.
It just scares me that these feelings aren't really looking as if they will ever truly leave.
And now my mind is blank again. Fuck this shit. I'm so sick of it.