Even the memory of what used to make me happy, even if it doesn't make me happy now, is enough.
This is what happened for me in concerns to this place, fanfiction, manga, anime, fandom in general, books, art, people. I just faked it because what else did I have. It was either stick with the things I used to love or do nothing. And the fact that I used to love them made it enough for me to hold onto these things and eventually as I healed myself my love came back. I don't love everything the same as I used to. In fact, some things I love more and some things my love only grew back a little but it did grow back. And sometimes I go through phases where I don't want any of this or this and then the next week that's all I want. But I always know I'll come back.
But right now though, if I ever lost this place I'd go insane. And I'd lose myself because this place is such a large part of my life. I communicate with too many people here. I'm very dedicated to a few fandoms. I'd freak out if I had to live without my fandoms. And when I need a place to hear my voice I always know I can say something here and at least one person will hear it and they'll know what I'm going through and somehow they will respond (and it's not always through a comment. sometimes it's a letter, a card, or something else) and it'll be enough.
I'm realizing too that I need to record my thoughts somewhere since I finally seem to have some. Or else I'm going to lose myself to confusion. For now however, I have pages of notepad paper taped all over my bedroom door and written on them are thoughts of mine, great scenes for stories I want to write, memories I've remembered, bits and pieces of conversation I want to add into an e-mail or letter to certain people, issues going on in my life and the world that I want to discuss with people.
At least you had the courage to write and record in the first place. I'm only now really taking the first step of the first step by collecting thoughts on pieces of paper on my bedroom door. Not sure I'll go past it though. It's almost impossible for me to gather the heart and courage to give a regular journal a try. Sharing my thoughts in an online one, yeah...ain't got the balls yet.
I'm not sure I just said anything that made sense or that was pertaining to what you were posting about. I just read what you wrote, settled my hands over the keyboard, and let it flow. I suppose that means I was just babbling, but whatever. It meant something to me. Just letting you know yes, there are still people on here and if you start writing here again you will have at least one dedicated reader.
This is what happened for me in concerns to this place, fanfiction, manga, anime, fandom in general, books, art, people. I just faked it because what else did I have. It was either stick with the things I used to love or do nothing. And the fact that I used to love them made it enough for me to hold onto these things and eventually as I healed myself my love came back. I don't love everything the same as I used to. In fact, some things I love more and some things my love only grew back a little but it did grow back. And sometimes I go through phases where I don't want any of this or this and then the next week that's all I want. But I always know I'll come back.
But right now though, if I ever lost this place I'd go insane. And I'd lose myself because this place is such a large part of my life. I communicate with too many people here. I'm very dedicated to a few fandoms. I'd freak out if I had to live without my fandoms. And when I need a place to hear my voice I always know I can say something here and at least one person will hear it and they'll know what I'm going through and somehow they will respond (and it's not always through a comment. sometimes it's a letter, a card, or something else) and it'll be enough.
I'm realizing too that I need to record my thoughts somewhere since I finally seem to have some. Or else I'm going to lose myself to confusion. For now however, I have pages of notepad paper taped all over my bedroom door and written on them are thoughts of mine, great scenes for stories I want to write, memories I've remembered, bits and pieces of conversation I want to add into an e-mail or letter to certain people, issues going on in my life and the world that I want to discuss with people.
At least you had the courage to write and record in the first place. I'm only now really taking the first step of the first step by collecting thoughts on pieces of paper on my bedroom door. Not sure I'll go past it though. It's almost impossible for me to gather the heart and courage to give a regular journal a try. Sharing my thoughts in an online one, yeah...ain't got the balls yet.
I'm not sure I just said anything that made sense or that was pertaining to what you were posting about. I just read what you wrote, settled my hands over the keyboard, and let it flow. I suppose that means I was just babbling, but whatever. It meant something to me. Just letting you know yes, there are still people on here and if you start writing here again you will have at least one dedicated reader.
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