Sleep and purpose
ralph and kathy,
So after doing some research it turns out that livejournal had a mass Exodus because of them being purchased by a Russian company, and then hell to Russian internet laws. So damn quiet. But that's okay. If I wanted social network gratification I would go to Facebook or Twitter.
I've been able to get good sleep the last couple days, waking up a few times. My sense of music perks if I leave Spotify open on shuffle and I hear a good song in the middle of the night. The way to find new music is staying up and just listening to shuffle.
Music is so vitally important to me. I don't understand people that aren't that in tune with the language of music. I remember when I was younger I used to see colors based off music. Growing up Lakota the drum in ceremony represented family and friendship getting together around music. Being Native American means music plays an integral role in my identity. Before I can remember really understanding anything as a child I remember the first music video I watched when I was 4. Maybe even Age 3. I used to go to my mom and tell her that I like the "sounds" referring to what I now know as synthesizers. Temple, Rhythm, Harmony and composition all signify life to me. English, and spoken language don't do emotions Justice for me. Nothing communicates more effectively how I really feel than a song.
I'm learning not to rely on others for emotional needs. Not relying on anyone else for emotional support. It definitely is a hard thing to learn. But I'm doing it. With whatever short time I have, I want to be sure to understand who I am, and not fear those aspirations I once lived by.
An interesting part of a documentary I was watching yesterday spoke of the difference between Native American citizenship, and Heritage. The difference between the two. I also had an opportunity to listen to Black Elk who is a high-ranking member of the Rosebud Sioux Tribe and also a University of South Dakota professor. Tribal citizenship versus heritage it's something he spoke of as well.
Being a registered tribal member, which in order to become one my genealogy is reviewed by a board of tribal members. They verify my genealogy through my family. Once verified of my lineage that dates back for generations and generations I am enrolled. This benefits my future generation as well, being a good steward of my heritage. That old speaks of tribal citizenship Not heritage. According to him, heritage is vitally important in understanding where one comes from. This day in age a lot of mixed race people are striving to find their heritage but come across this task as excruciatingly difficult. Many factors play a role but one common theme is having family members who were atrocious in stewards of their heritage. By apathy, or worse, racism. Where do these Indians go that have no history or heritage? They just have drops of blood in an otherwise non-indian soul? For me, one can be proud of one's heritage, well seeking to reconcile the past. There's nothing wrong with being proud of Who You Are, as long as one doesn't identify solely with just one monolithic heritage. Especially when they do not have cultural and tribal citizenship.
I remember before I got sick I used to see a lot of eagles. Black Elk spoke of seeing Eagles as not only relatives but messengers of difficult news. It seems to me they knew what was coming and I was just too naive to see. But now I am aware.