...
so surprise surprise I fucked up another fall semester!
Grades: A,B,C,D
... 2.5...
meh I always do it, but I also know that every spring I get a 3.0 or better so I'm not worried.
I beleive it was all the drugs I did that distracted me from my studies... nah , but thats what everyone else prolly thinks. I had the time to do my work I just didn't feel like doing it.
Its cuz I don't care enough.
I should try to care more... maybe... nah.
Hollywood is the same ol' hollyhood its always been.
friends good family good life boring.
I feel kinda outta place tho.
like "my" bedroom is actually my and my nephews bedroom and in all actuality is his room, with an extra bed in it. There is nothing of mine in here nor is there anywhere for me to put things. Like the entire closet is filled with baby clothes and baby hangers so I cleared out a 2 foot space on the shelf above it and folded all my clothes, one pie for underwear one for shirts and sweaters and one for pants and shorts, they are falling over onto eachother because there isn't enough space for me to put them there. There is no table for me, no nightstand no clock no place for my computer. This bed that I sleep on is very firm and I never would have picked it out because I HATE firm mattresses the pillows are also firm... firm pillows who the fuck wants both pillows to be firm on a firm bed, which makes that plasticy noise whenever I move tho none of it is plastic. But the baby has a $650 crib! He doesn't live here either. what upsets me is my parents promised me before I left that they wouldn't change my room, that my place in this house would always be the same, but they didn't just change my room they moved my grandmother into it from the room that I sleep in while I'm here. And bought her a whole new set of bedroom furniture! The bed thats in the babies room was bought with the other grandmother she picked it out! not me her she doesn't even live here! There isn't a single thing in this room that I didn't bring with me that is mine all of my stuff is in the laundry room or has been given/thrown away. There isn't anything in the fridge I would eat besides waffles and sandwhich stuff (which my grandma eats both of daily) and my parents just went grocery shopping yesterday. I just feel so unwelcome here. the first 2 nights I had to sleep on the couch cuz I couldn't fall asleep on this bed. Also Wireless signal doesn't even reach this room. I have to open the door to the bedroom and pray that very low signal will keep aim etc. working. what if I wanted privacy and the internet, what if I just want privacy, nope don't get that becaues my grandma knocks on the door if its closed just "to see what you're up to". This all may sound like petty bullshit but it hurts to not have a place in the home that my parents live in, they want me to move back in after college, for what so I can feel unwelcome and have people asking what I'm doing or where I am going constantly. Fuck that!
Also I miss TJ. A whole lot, it sucks to be so far away from him and having no means of getting to him. I just want a hug and a kiss and to be told I'm loved by someone and actually feel it...
13 more days til I see TJ (and possibly britany) the days should move faster.
anywhoo its after 2 so I am off to call Tj.
I like that christmas puts people in a genorous, caring mood but it just reminds me that people don't really celebrate their religion on christmas and makes me hate religion even more, if I ever break a leg I'll get a wheelchair because I refuse to have a crutch to hold me up. (metaphor for those that didn't get it lol)
Much love to all and to all a hum-bug.
Grades: A,B,C,D
... 2.5...
meh I always do it, but I also know that every spring I get a 3.0 or better so I'm not worried.
I beleive it was all the drugs I did that distracted me from my studies... nah , but thats what everyone else prolly thinks. I had the time to do my work I just didn't feel like doing it.
Its cuz I don't care enough.
I should try to care more... maybe... nah.
Hollywood is the same ol' hollyhood its always been.
friends good family good life boring.
I feel kinda outta place tho.
like "my" bedroom is actually my and my nephews bedroom and in all actuality is his room, with an extra bed in it. There is nothing of mine in here nor is there anywhere for me to put things. Like the entire closet is filled with baby clothes and baby hangers so I cleared out a 2 foot space on the shelf above it and folded all my clothes, one pie for underwear one for shirts and sweaters and one for pants and shorts, they are falling over onto eachother because there isn't enough space for me to put them there. There is no table for me, no nightstand no clock no place for my computer. This bed that I sleep on is very firm and I never would have picked it out because I HATE firm mattresses the pillows are also firm... firm pillows who the fuck wants both pillows to be firm on a firm bed, which makes that plasticy noise whenever I move tho none of it is plastic. But the baby has a $650 crib! He doesn't live here either. what upsets me is my parents promised me before I left that they wouldn't change my room, that my place in this house would always be the same, but they didn't just change my room they moved my grandmother into it from the room that I sleep in while I'm here. And bought her a whole new set of bedroom furniture! The bed thats in the babies room was bought with the other grandmother she picked it out! not me her she doesn't even live here! There isn't a single thing in this room that I didn't bring with me that is mine all of my stuff is in the laundry room or has been given/thrown away. There isn't anything in the fridge I would eat besides waffles and sandwhich stuff (which my grandma eats both of daily) and my parents just went grocery shopping yesterday. I just feel so unwelcome here. the first 2 nights I had to sleep on the couch cuz I couldn't fall asleep on this bed. Also Wireless signal doesn't even reach this room. I have to open the door to the bedroom and pray that very low signal will keep aim etc. working. what if I wanted privacy and the internet, what if I just want privacy, nope don't get that becaues my grandma knocks on the door if its closed just "to see what you're up to". This all may sound like petty bullshit but it hurts to not have a place in the home that my parents live in, they want me to move back in after college, for what so I can feel unwelcome and have people asking what I'm doing or where I am going constantly. Fuck that!
Also I miss TJ. A whole lot, it sucks to be so far away from him and having no means of getting to him. I just want a hug and a kiss and to be told I'm loved by someone and actually feel it...
13 more days til I see TJ (and possibly britany) the days should move faster.
anywhoo its after 2 so I am off to call Tj.
I like that christmas puts people in a genorous, caring mood but it just reminds me that people don't really celebrate their religion on christmas and makes me hate religion even more, if I ever break a leg I'll get a wheelchair because I refuse to have a crutch to hold me up. (metaphor for those that didn't get it lol)
Much love to all and to all a hum-bug.