Still alive
Lately I've been in this uncomfortable time of conviction and introspection...The vileness of me compared to the holiness of God is generally very disconcerting. I'm proud. I'm arrogant. I almost always have to have the last word. I speak before I listen. I isolate myself from people most all the time. I talk about people far more than I like to think I do. I complain. I don't give God the time or the place that He deserves in my life. And I've trampled on Christ's blood more times than I care to share.
But I think this is a healthy place to be. It's not about me being too hard on myself. Everyone needs to see themselves through God's mirror every once in a while, I think. Without the grace and the mercy of God, I'd probably be dead and in hell right now. Only by His grace do I even have a chance of taking my next breath.
This is the fact that overtook me on Sunday as I watched others praise...I praise God because He is good and does good, but sometimes I have a hard time finding specific things to praise about (which is another thing I have to deal with). I haven't been healed from cancer and I haven't nearly lost a brother in the war. But He keeps me alive. He sees my selfishness and still, in His love for me, allows me to continue living because He knows there is a purpose for me. He knows that I have made a covenant with Him based on the sacrifice Jesus made for me. For that reason, I am compelled to breathe in His grace for me and exhale mercy towards others.
I have to love a God like that.
"Thy mercy, my God, is the theme of my song,
The joy of my heart. and the boast of my tongue;
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affections, and bound my soul fast.
Without Thy sweet mercy I could not live here;
Sin would reduce me to utter despair;
But, through Thy free goodness, my spirits revive,
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.
Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart;
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground,
And weep to the praise of the mercy I’ve found.
Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own,
And the covenant love of Thy crucified Son;
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy, and pardon, and righteousness mine.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy, and pardon, and righteousness mine."
But I think this is a healthy place to be. It's not about me being too hard on myself. Everyone needs to see themselves through God's mirror every once in a while, I think. Without the grace and the mercy of God, I'd probably be dead and in hell right now. Only by His grace do I even have a chance of taking my next breath.
This is the fact that overtook me on Sunday as I watched others praise...I praise God because He is good and does good, but sometimes I have a hard time finding specific things to praise about (which is another thing I have to deal with). I haven't been healed from cancer and I haven't nearly lost a brother in the war. But He keeps me alive. He sees my selfishness and still, in His love for me, allows me to continue living because He knows there is a purpose for me. He knows that I have made a covenant with Him based on the sacrifice Jesus made for me. For that reason, I am compelled to breathe in His grace for me and exhale mercy towards others.
I have to love a God like that.
"Thy mercy, my God, is the theme of my song,
The joy of my heart. and the boast of my tongue;
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affections, and bound my soul fast.
Without Thy sweet mercy I could not live here;
Sin would reduce me to utter despair;
But, through Thy free goodness, my spirits revive,
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.
Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart;
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground,
And weep to the praise of the mercy I’ve found.
Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own,
And the covenant love of Thy crucified Son;
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy, and pardon, and righteousness mine.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy, and pardon, and righteousness mine."