066 + Give unto me all that frightens you. I'll have your nightmares for you if you sleep soundly
Unhackable
There is fear in the air. Crush it. Manipulate it. Make it your own.
Listen. Your body cries out in protest. Agony doesn't come close.
Breathe. The poisonous fumes of doubt will suffocate you.
Move. Confuse them. Irritate them. Let them make mistakes.
Want it, crave it, need it, love it, crush it, smash it, burn it.
Sadistic, sadistic, stimulate my heart
I can't laugh like I used to
I'm not the same person who loved him
Not the same child who held him as he crumbled to dust.
That pain in my arm - I can still feel it today. Where you grabbed me and made me swear - swear to live. I only thought one thing - How can I live without you? That became my sickness, my obsession. I never wanted it to stop hurting. I never wanted to let go of that feeling. No matter how often I ripped open my skin, you were never there.
Now it doesn't hurt. I go days without thinking of you. My mind is full of different people. Is this okay? Is it ok to forget you? Once, you were my whole world. Now you collect dust. This isn't right - yet it is. Isn't it? This is what you wanted for me, isn't it?
So much is based on guesswork. So much I won't ever learn. If everything happens for a reason, was I born to meet you, to have you become my reason for existence, only to have you snatched away? Is it right that I find other people to live for? Can I do that?
I don't know... I don't understand. Has it been so long? Or do I really not understand you? I thought I knew everything about you. Your pains, your aches, your loves, your everything. I thought I knew all of your reactions, how you felt about everything. I preserved everything I remember of you. Now... I search, and I see nothing. I reach out, and touch nothing but smoke and ash. These material bodies I cling to, their heartbeats in my ear, their hair, their smells, their skin - all of that I need; I am so pathetic that I need other people in order to survive. But still, I would give it all up just to be able to hold your hand and have your fingers flex around mine once more.
No... That's not entirely true. That's built from a longing I've had since I was a child. It's a sad, cruel world, where the people you miss the most, only move when you make them.
I don't understand... My art hasn't changed. I still make puppets. The puppet of Schuldig is complete. But these people - Suzaku, Farfarello, Zack, Miwako, Claire, Lin, and even little Cherry, I wouldn't dare make puppets even in their likenesses. Dolls, yes. Puppets, no. Why? Is it only after I lose someone that I need to recreate them? Maybe.
I have a question, open to the general public. Say someone close to you dies. Is it ok, after a year, two years, maybe, say, twenty years, to feel as though they've been replace? No. Not replaced, just... that their space has finally been filled? Should you feel guilty, glad, or sad?
It's interesting. Twenty years later, lord knows how many memories later, how many lovers, fights, tormenting, I feel like I've moved past something.