ignorance is bliss, cherish it
no one will truely understand the thoughts and feeling inside of me.i dont want opinions, i am simply writing in my journal.
Everyday, even on days that i am happy, a part of me feels detached and heavy. Every night before i go to bed i get this true deep feeling of knowing deep down, i really wasnt meant for this world. i was meant to be here, i dont think its my time to live, i feel so apart from everyone, and everything. my views are different, my actions are different. and for some reason this world is just a huge disappoinment to me.
I guess as a child i had such high hopes and goals and dreams and i was made to feel i could accomplish anything, only to be shaken out of my false reality. Sometimes it seems so unfair that the person who instilled in u that they will love and accept u for who u are, and that u can do and be anything, doesnt agree with my life style. my own mother, compares ppl i date, simply because they are women, to that of the rude bitch my brother dated, no one i have ever dated has ever disrespected my family, where as the pain caused to my family from my brothers wife who lies and betrays, is just as equal to the pain in my mom's eyes when she finds out that im still not dating guys. it saddens me because i will ALWAYS be a disappointment to my mother, and that hurts. why is it such a big deal that i like who i like.
I just dont feel like im meant to be here, because all i do is soak up everyone elses pain and then get walked on when i need to talk about mine. one thing i have learnt this past year is that no one really cares, and love doesnt mean anything. everyday i ask myself why i am still here. and i ask myself why i care, but for some dumb reason i do.
if it weren't for jess and my family, i think i'd go insane.
Everyday, even on days that i am happy, a part of me feels detached and heavy. Every night before i go to bed i get this true deep feeling of knowing deep down, i really wasnt meant for this world. i was meant to be here, i dont think its my time to live, i feel so apart from everyone, and everything. my views are different, my actions are different. and for some reason this world is just a huge disappoinment to me.
I guess as a child i had such high hopes and goals and dreams and i was made to feel i could accomplish anything, only to be shaken out of my false reality. Sometimes it seems so unfair that the person who instilled in u that they will love and accept u for who u are, and that u can do and be anything, doesnt agree with my life style. my own mother, compares ppl i date, simply because they are women, to that of the rude bitch my brother dated, no one i have ever dated has ever disrespected my family, where as the pain caused to my family from my brothers wife who lies and betrays, is just as equal to the pain in my mom's eyes when she finds out that im still not dating guys. it saddens me because i will ALWAYS be a disappointment to my mother, and that hurts. why is it such a big deal that i like who i like.
I just dont feel like im meant to be here, because all i do is soak up everyone elses pain and then get walked on when i need to talk about mine. one thing i have learnt this past year is that no one really cares, and love doesnt mean anything. everyday i ask myself why i am still here. and i ask myself why i care, but for some dumb reason i do.
if it weren't for jess and my family, i think i'd go insane.