I'll be down there Monday, with all my tools with me.
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1) If someone asks you if you've ever killed a man, the only proper answer is:
A. Yes, in Reno. Just to watch him die.
B. Yes, softly...with my song.
C. What do you mean by "killed"?
D. Yes, he touched my stuff and then he touched me.
F. No.
2) I was talking to a friend of mine today who was going through a bit of stress with her drycleaner. I suggested that if the drycleaner did not come through for her it would be perfect justification for a shopping spree. The rest of the conversation went as follows:
Her: "No. No more sprees. Spree gets us in trouble.
Me: "Oh..then at least a shopping Fun Dip."
Her: Pause...small giggle..laugh. "You are such a dork."
Me: "Hey, you're the one who actually got that."
3) From the "Is this really news?" department:
"Duran Duran guitar player Andy Taylor leaves the band."
Wow. This deserves coverage on the Yahoo front page? I can't wait to learn the next time "Frankie Goes To Hollywood" gets a new drummer or "Kajagoogoo" gets a new front man. Or woman. Whatever it is they had. Is this news from 1986? If so, there should be something about me doing something fabulous.
4) If you actually give a shit about Madonna anymore, we probably shouldn't be friends. I'm just telling you that to get it out in the open. She could adopt baboons in order to extract their stem cells to save the life of Michael J. Fox, and yet, I would not care.
5) Yes, the baboons would speak in contrived British accents.
6) Yes, it's a close call, but John Taylor leaving Duran Duran is more important than anything regarding that washed up, has been, probable carrier of numerous venereal diseases.
6) Because it's Thursday and you kids have been very good this week, I'm going to give you an extra #6. Just this once though.
7) Everyone is gay. I mean, if you're hot in the world of entertainment and marginally good looking, there's some website out there saying you're "GAY! GAY! GAY!" I enjoy Prison Break. Apparently Wentworth Miller is gay, gay, gay. George from Grey's Anatomy is gay, gay, gay. I haven't read this but apparently some website is trying to out Neil Patrick Harris.
Barney? Barney is gay, gay, gay? Howser enjoys taking the Doogies? You know what? I don't care. The only thing I have a problem with is that these actors might get to paw the ample bosom of someone like Katherine Heigl. That's just wrong.
8) Why is it GAY! GAY! GAY!? It's always three. Is this a Wizard of OZ reference that I'm not hip to? If you say "Gaygaygay" in just the right cadence, are you wisked off to a parallel universe where there are hot bodied men drinking Schmitts Gay and the house is adorned with lovely window treatments?
10) No suit for you!
*
1) If someone asks you if you've ever killed a man, the only proper answer is:
A. Yes, in Reno. Just to watch him die.
B. Yes, softly...with my song.
C. What do you mean by "killed"?
D. Yes, he touched my stuff and then he touched me.
F. No.
2) I was talking to a friend of mine today who was going through a bit of stress with her drycleaner. I suggested that if the drycleaner did not come through for her it would be perfect justification for a shopping spree. The rest of the conversation went as follows:
Her: "No. No more sprees. Spree gets us in trouble.
Me: "Oh..then at least a shopping Fun Dip."
Her: Pause...small giggle..laugh. "You are such a dork."
Me: "Hey, you're the one who actually got that."
3) From the "Is this really news?" department:
"Duran Duran guitar player Andy Taylor leaves the band."
Wow. This deserves coverage on the Yahoo front page? I can't wait to learn the next time "Frankie Goes To Hollywood" gets a new drummer or "Kajagoogoo" gets a new front man. Or woman. Whatever it is they had. Is this news from 1986? If so, there should be something about me doing something fabulous.
4) If you actually give a shit about Madonna anymore, we probably shouldn't be friends. I'm just telling you that to get it out in the open. She could adopt baboons in order to extract their stem cells to save the life of Michael J. Fox, and yet, I would not care.
5) Yes, the baboons would speak in contrived British accents.
6) Yes, it's a close call, but John Taylor leaving Duran Duran is more important than anything regarding that washed up, has been, probable carrier of numerous venereal diseases.
6) Because it's Thursday and you kids have been very good this week, I'm going to give you an extra #6. Just this once though.
7) Everyone is gay. I mean, if you're hot in the world of entertainment and marginally good looking, there's some website out there saying you're "GAY! GAY! GAY!" I enjoy Prison Break. Apparently Wentworth Miller is gay, gay, gay. George from Grey's Anatomy is gay, gay, gay. I haven't read this but apparently some website is trying to out Neil Patrick Harris.
Barney? Barney is gay, gay, gay? Howser enjoys taking the Doogies? You know what? I don't care. The only thing I have a problem with is that these actors might get to paw the ample bosom of someone like Katherine Heigl. That's just wrong.
8) Why is it GAY! GAY! GAY!? It's always three. Is this a Wizard of OZ reference that I'm not hip to? If you say "Gaygaygay" in just the right cadence, are you wisked off to a parallel universe where there are hot bodied men drinking Schmitts Gay and the house is adorned with lovely window treatments?
10) No suit for you!
*