It's not just me tube. It's you tube.
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1) I just watched a video of a monkey(who had achieved the rank of black belt in Karate) do a spinning round kick over his head, demonstrate proper self defense techniques against a choke hold from behind and break a two inch piece of pine in half with a knife hand strike. Am I having a good day? I am now.
2) People I currently want to smack: Eva Longoria (just shut the fuck up, please), Lance Armstrong, Rivers Cuomo, Andy Roddick
3) From the "Has this shit ever happened to you?" file... I had a friend. A guy I worked with several years ago. He was killed in a car accident back in 2002. I know this because several of my ex co-workers sent me the link to the article about the accident. Very sad. He had two children and a beautiful wife. (Yes, I admit that certain "Hmmm...widow...thoughts went through my head...but I digress.")
We had not spoken in seven years so I privately mourned his passing, said a little prayer and never thought much more about it.
Two weeks ago, I got an email from him. Or at least someone purporting to be him. The guy I used to know is now apparently an executive at a large Fortune 100 firm based in Arkansas. I relayed to him that I was told he was dead. He did not respond to that comment at all in the ensuing email, but simply brought me up to date about his family (all info seemingly correct) and reminisced about our days of slacking together way back when. The stuff he mentioned was very specific and while it could be a hoax, it would be in poor taste and only 2 or 3 other people could possible know the info he was relaying.
I'm 95 percent sure that this is the correct guy and that he did not die. Looking back now, the article about the accident was not an obituary and since he had left our former company, nobody knew for SURE that it was him. We did however conclude that it WAS him because:
A) The accident happened about a mile from his home.
B) His name is so unusual that nobody else had ever heard it before. The chance of two guys with a name like "Moses Castiglione"* in a town of 50,000 people seemed minute. * = Not his real name.
C) The age was about right.
So...on one hand, I'm happy to have made contact with my old friend and have been emailing back and forth about life and the last 10 years. On the other hand, I still want to ask him to send me the standard "hostage photo" with yesterday's newspaper. Then again (that's a lot of agains, I know), even if this is an impostor...I still enjoy the fact that what was lost may now be found.
Anyway...it still ties into the feeling I get in life that some things only happen to me.
4) There's an awful lot of discussion about penis pumps in the news lately.
5) Headline: "Restaurant in India to Drop 'Hitler' from Name." Well, that seems like a wise business decision, don't you agree?
6) I literally will home school my offspring if Pluto doesn't get planet status back right quick. What total bullshit. I will make up t-shirts that say "Free Pluto!" (and Mike Tyson...in really small print..just to confuse people, since I don't do that much.) It was a planet to its momma and it'll always be a planet to me.
7) I'll tuck this little gem away at numero seven. (Dig the Spanish?). That makes sure you're still reading. Fabulous. If you stopped reading, well fuck you then.
Ok..it's like this. I don't post a lot of personal stuff in my journal. In fact, the bigger the event in my real life, the less likely I will be to share it. I truly admire and enjoy those on my friend's list who have a more "diary-like" livejournal. I sometimes consider starting a second journal so I can have more of a memory of my life. Instead, I have a written record of what kind of tree I wanted to be back in 2002 or what sandwich I decided NOT to have in 2004.
If I get fired from my job, get cancer (heaven forbid) or lose a parent, there's a good chance it won't be written about here. If that's a deal breaker...I can understand that and no hard feelings when you unfriend me.
I use this space to record things that are odd or funny to me. It's not a record of my life or an attempt to convey who I am. If you want to know more, email me. I'll probably answer you once I determine you're not a complete psycho or at least, if you are a psycho, that you're aware of it. Or send me a Yahoo message. I'll almost certainly answer that...eventually. It is possible to get to know the "real" me, if you so desire. It's just that this forum is not an effective way to do it.
Why did I feel the need to write all of that nonsense? Who can tell? I'm a strange guy.
8) One of the greatest lessons in life is that no matter how hard you work, no matter how much you deserve and no matter how long you wait, nobody is guaranteed anything. The great 20th century philosopher Babe Laufenberg said it best, "It's like being in love with an ugly girl. Sometimes, no matter how good you look, they pick the other one." Yes, Annie. He's still right here on my desk, in all his laminated glory. (More specifically, Ohio Glory)
9) In 2010, when I can start seeing movies in the theatre again, I hope "Little Miss Sunshine" is making a return to the big screen, cause it looks pretty good.
10) Hey you redneck sportin', west coast livin', explodin' battery apologizin' hick! Did we get a flipping review of "Snakes on a Plane"? I suppose I could check your journal, but I felt like giving you a shout out right here.
11) Monkeys doing karate! I'm still loving that.
12) Yes...still. MONKEYS doing KARATE!
13) Oh...you say that I've been wasting your time? Well, let's examine. If I'm here and you're here...doesn't that make it OUR time? And certainly there's nothing wrong with a little feast on our time. (Or Monkeys doing karate.)
14) I watched "That Thing You Do" recently. I know that that movie never won any award or anything, but in that scene where Tom Everett Scott asks Liv Tyler, "When was the last time you were properly kissed?" I'm telling you, the acting they do with just their facial expressions is wonderful. She gives the "stunned" look..then realizes what such a question means (that she's going to get kissed by him), then gathers herself and gives a matter of fact answer.
If anyone can look into those eyes and not see the beauty, they are certainly al-queda.
15) Speaking of terrorism...did I actually read that Osama Bin Laden was obsessed with Whitney Houston, to the point of planning to have Bobby Brown killed....or was I in a drunken stupor again, hallucinating? Cause CNN.com makes no mention of it. I mean, it makes no mention of the Whitney Houston thing...not my drunken stupor.
16) Can you be in a stupor without being drunk? There are no right or wrong answers here, only uninformed opinions.
17) Can you imagine the pressure you're under if you are the editor of the dictionary? I mean...every email you send out...every thank you note...the pressure must be intense.
18) Even now, the Plutonians, once hopeful of being the friend of earthlings, are mobilizing their invasion force. I predict, according to the past history of my life, that they will arrive at the worst possible time for me (I'll probably be in the shower or unwrapping a Juice Tiger (tm). They will conquer us easily with their army of Black belt Monkeys and install a ruling junta consisting of:
Bobby Brown, who will of course, exercise his prerogative
My Friend Jim, who may or may not be dead
Babe Laufenberg
Del Paxton, known Jazz legend
The guy who edits the dictionary
Mike Tyson
Eva Longoria
Lance Armstrong
Rivers Cuomo
Andy Roddick
Joe Paterno
Leading the resistance:
Me (of course. I'm not gonna stand for this shit.)
Will Smith
Samuel L. Jackson (If only to say "There are motherfucking monkey ninjas on this motherfucking planet!!)
Chuck Norris (to break down film and figure out the weakness in the Super Monkey Kata)
Kevin Federline
Perez Hilton (our Tokyo Rose)
Scott Baio
A cardboard cutout of the late Pat Morita
Dr. Phil
It's armageddon people. Cue Def Leppard.....
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1) I just watched a video of a monkey(who had achieved the rank of black belt in Karate) do a spinning round kick over his head, demonstrate proper self defense techniques against a choke hold from behind and break a two inch piece of pine in half with a knife hand strike. Am I having a good day? I am now.
2) People I currently want to smack: Eva Longoria (just shut the fuck up, please), Lance Armstrong, Rivers Cuomo, Andy Roddick
3) From the "Has this shit ever happened to you?" file... I had a friend. A guy I worked with several years ago. He was killed in a car accident back in 2002. I know this because several of my ex co-workers sent me the link to the article about the accident. Very sad. He had two children and a beautiful wife. (Yes, I admit that certain "Hmmm...widow...thoughts went through my head...but I digress.")
We had not spoken in seven years so I privately mourned his passing, said a little prayer and never thought much more about it.
Two weeks ago, I got an email from him. Or at least someone purporting to be him. The guy I used to know is now apparently an executive at a large Fortune 100 firm based in Arkansas. I relayed to him that I was told he was dead. He did not respond to that comment at all in the ensuing email, but simply brought me up to date about his family (all info seemingly correct) and reminisced about our days of slacking together way back when. The stuff he mentioned was very specific and while it could be a hoax, it would be in poor taste and only 2 or 3 other people could possible know the info he was relaying.
I'm 95 percent sure that this is the correct guy and that he did not die. Looking back now, the article about the accident was not an obituary and since he had left our former company, nobody knew for SURE that it was him. We did however conclude that it WAS him because:
A) The accident happened about a mile from his home.
B) His name is so unusual that nobody else had ever heard it before. The chance of two guys with a name like "Moses Castiglione"* in a town of 50,000 people seemed minute. * = Not his real name.
C) The age was about right.
So...on one hand, I'm happy to have made contact with my old friend and have been emailing back and forth about life and the last 10 years. On the other hand, I still want to ask him to send me the standard "hostage photo" with yesterday's newspaper. Then again (that's a lot of agains, I know), even if this is an impostor...I still enjoy the fact that what was lost may now be found.
Anyway...it still ties into the feeling I get in life that some things only happen to me.
4) There's an awful lot of discussion about penis pumps in the news lately.
5) Headline: "Restaurant in India to Drop 'Hitler' from Name." Well, that seems like a wise business decision, don't you agree?
6) I literally will home school my offspring if Pluto doesn't get planet status back right quick. What total bullshit. I will make up t-shirts that say "Free Pluto!" (and Mike Tyson...in really small print..just to confuse people, since I don't do that much.) It was a planet to its momma and it'll always be a planet to me.
7) I'll tuck this little gem away at numero seven. (Dig the Spanish?). That makes sure you're still reading. Fabulous. If you stopped reading, well fuck you then.
Ok..it's like this. I don't post a lot of personal stuff in my journal. In fact, the bigger the event in my real life, the less likely I will be to share it. I truly admire and enjoy those on my friend's list who have a more "diary-like" livejournal. I sometimes consider starting a second journal so I can have more of a memory of my life. Instead, I have a written record of what kind of tree I wanted to be back in 2002 or what sandwich I decided NOT to have in 2004.
If I get fired from my job, get cancer (heaven forbid) or lose a parent, there's a good chance it won't be written about here. If that's a deal breaker...I can understand that and no hard feelings when you unfriend me.
I use this space to record things that are odd or funny to me. It's not a record of my life or an attempt to convey who I am. If you want to know more, email me. I'll probably answer you once I determine you're not a complete psycho or at least, if you are a psycho, that you're aware of it. Or send me a Yahoo message. I'll almost certainly answer that...eventually. It is possible to get to know the "real" me, if you so desire. It's just that this forum is not an effective way to do it.
Why did I feel the need to write all of that nonsense? Who can tell? I'm a strange guy.
8) One of the greatest lessons in life is that no matter how hard you work, no matter how much you deserve and no matter how long you wait, nobody is guaranteed anything. The great 20th century philosopher Babe Laufenberg said it best, "It's like being in love with an ugly girl. Sometimes, no matter how good you look, they pick the other one." Yes, Annie. He's still right here on my desk, in all his laminated glory. (More specifically, Ohio Glory)
9) In 2010, when I can start seeing movies in the theatre again, I hope "Little Miss Sunshine" is making a return to the big screen, cause it looks pretty good.
10) Hey you redneck sportin', west coast livin', explodin' battery apologizin' hick! Did we get a flipping review of "Snakes on a Plane"? I suppose I could check your journal, but I felt like giving you a shout out right here.
11) Monkeys doing karate! I'm still loving that.
12) Yes...still. MONKEYS doing KARATE!
13) Oh...you say that I've been wasting your time? Well, let's examine. If I'm here and you're here...doesn't that make it OUR time? And certainly there's nothing wrong with a little feast on our time. (Or Monkeys doing karate.)
14) I watched "That Thing You Do" recently. I know that that movie never won any award or anything, but in that scene where Tom Everett Scott asks Liv Tyler, "When was the last time you were properly kissed?" I'm telling you, the acting they do with just their facial expressions is wonderful. She gives the "stunned" look..then realizes what such a question means (that she's going to get kissed by him), then gathers herself and gives a matter of fact answer.
If anyone can look into those eyes and not see the beauty, they are certainly al-queda.
15) Speaking of terrorism...did I actually read that Osama Bin Laden was obsessed with Whitney Houston, to the point of planning to have Bobby Brown killed....or was I in a drunken stupor again, hallucinating? Cause CNN.com makes no mention of it. I mean, it makes no mention of the Whitney Houston thing...not my drunken stupor.
16) Can you be in a stupor without being drunk? There are no right or wrong answers here, only uninformed opinions.
17) Can you imagine the pressure you're under if you are the editor of the dictionary? I mean...every email you send out...every thank you note...the pressure must be intense.
18) Even now, the Plutonians, once hopeful of being the friend of earthlings, are mobilizing their invasion force. I predict, according to the past history of my life, that they will arrive at the worst possible time for me (I'll probably be in the shower or unwrapping a Juice Tiger (tm). They will conquer us easily with their army of Black belt Monkeys and install a ruling junta consisting of:
Bobby Brown, who will of course, exercise his prerogative
My Friend Jim, who may or may not be dead
Babe Laufenberg
Del Paxton, known Jazz legend
The guy who edits the dictionary
Mike Tyson
Eva Longoria
Lance Armstrong
Rivers Cuomo
Andy Roddick
Joe Paterno
Leading the resistance:
Me (of course. I'm not gonna stand for this shit.)
Will Smith
Samuel L. Jackson (If only to say "There are motherfucking monkey ninjas on this motherfucking planet!!)
Chuck Norris (to break down film and figure out the weakness in the Super Monkey Kata)
Kevin Federline
Perez Hilton (our Tokyo Rose)
Scott Baio
A cardboard cutout of the late Pat Morita
Dr. Phil
It's armageddon people. Cue Def Leppard.....
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