Fuck My Life
I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything is just falling downhill and it just can't get back up. My life one minute I would think that it was doing so great and I thought everything was going the way I wanted, I when I finally thought that I was happy....what happends? life fucks me over. I just can't take this shit anymore. Life just doesn't love me anymore. Everything I love doesn't love me, everything I need in my life brings me down. I feel so empty inside. I've been depressed for like 5 months now. off and on, I would be happy, and then a day or two later, I would be suicidal. But I can't do that. No...no..if anybody reads this and cares about me, I wouldn't commit suicide. Because life if I believe it or not is too precious to waste it. I still have faith, just no motivation to wait for it. I seems like to me that everyone I love is gone. and my friends are only there when I want them to be there. I just don't know how to cope with this. I don't want to fuck up my life anymore than what is to become of it. Last night I got no sleep, I couldn't even cry myself to sleep. My heart aches from all the stress. It feels no love from anyone. If I never was there for them, they wouldn't even notice. I mean who really does care? I mean people say they do, but do they actually show it. And me? The desires of my dreams are far out of reach. At least for now, and maybe forever. that's one of my problems which I have to rely on faith for to find the answer. But I pray to god that fate favors my side of the battle, because I'm so heartbroken. I can't live without it. my pride and joy. I can no longer cope without it. I am a complete wreck. all I want to do is cry and cry and cry some more. If there was anything anybody could do to make me feel better it would to get my love to assure me that I am loved and everything will be ok. But that's not going to happen anytime soon. In the meantime, I'm going to have to go out, explore new aspects of life, hopefully meet new people to prove to me there's more options and chapters in life and that 20 chapters isn't 3 pages long each in a 1,000 word book. Until that day I stand in misery, I will drain my all of my happiness through my tears.