Love and Indifference
First, I never been in a relationship so I'm far from being an expert on matters relating to them. This is more of a train of thought than anything.
Also, I felt compelled to write this because last night I was talking to a dear friend of mine about relationships and love and somehow we ended up talking about cheating and why people hurt so much over it. And so i thought about it, and thought about it some more.
When someone says that he/she loves you with all their heart and soul,
you know they're lying when you find out the truth and they show
indifference to the pain that was caused. At that instant, you know
that the love you expected in return, the love you dreamed about and
desired so much, doesn't exist and more than likely never existed. Once
you have fulfilled the purpose your partner had in mind for you such as
sex, attention, money, popularity, etc., this indifference is revealed
more and deep down your heart senses it. As you may know, hate is not
the opposite of love. Indifference is the opposite of love...
Imagine our hearts as cups that only can be filled with love. When it's
filled, we're happy. On the contrary, when our hearts (cups) are empty
(void of love), there's this huge sadness; it's an emptiness that in
turn results in us longing for happiness, longing to be filled with
love. This is most likely the pain one feels in his/her heart when
his/her heart has been depleted. Now...indifference in this case would
be the lack of concern, desire, or motivation to have this cup filled,
whether it's your own or someone else's.
So what does this mean in terms of a loving relationships?
Imagine two hearts that pour love into each other (like cups)
unconditionally. Emptiness isn't an issue in this case because no
matter how much love you put into your own life, your work, your
children if you have children, etc...there's always someone there that
is more than willing to refill your heart and you in turn are always
there to refill his/her heart as well. And so you and the person you
love become this mutual and yet seemingly infinite source of each
others happiness. Isn't that what we consider a true loving
relationship? Isn't that the true love that we all seek? I still wonder
sometimes...
But what happens when there is indifference? What does it mean? I
sometimes struggle with what it all means myself and I'll try explain
my idea of it.
Imagine that you form an agreement, a mutual agreement, with someone
else to pour love into each others hearts (again like cups). What
happens when the one you love, the one you willingly and happily pour
your love into, doesn't really care to fill your heart or to have you
fill theirs? What happens when you pour your love into someone else's
heart but they in turn pour theirs into someone else's? You get hugs in
return, kisses in return, sex in return, and probably many other things
in return, but the love isn't really returned. We often accept these
forms of affection as objectifications
of love, BUT that doesn't mean the love exist. What is there, however,
is indifference; not the indifference you see when one doesn't care
about politics for instance, but its the kind of indifference that
mainly your heart notices and often feels.
Sometimes we deny what our heart is telling us because our minds
interprets different forms of affection as love, and so according to
our minds our hearts are being filled (or refilled) when in actuality
it isn't. Simply put: your part of the agreement wasn't in line with
theirs. They don't care whether or not your heart is filled with love
and often times they particular don't care if YOU fill theirs. There's
something else they wanted you to fulfill and often times it would be
things that we interpret as love such as affection or even intimacy for
that matter. So maybe they only cared about the sex, the attention,
etc. And they may provide these things in return, but its not
necessarily love. It doesn't mean they are pouring love into your
heart. They don't particular care to do so, though they may care about
your mind believing that they do...
And so because you're pouring your love into someone else's heart that
isn't pouring back and is in fact indifferent about it, your heart
slowly becomes empty and you slowly begin to long more for love.
However your mind may interpret certain forms of affection as love and
so you desire more and more those things that objectify
love but doesn't necessarily equate to love. When you get these things,
your mind tells you that your heart is indeed being filled and you fail
to notice that quite the opposite is taking place; the emptiness is
growing. You fail to notice that your source of 'happiness' is actually
a source of pain, of bitterness, of anger, and most of all a source of
sadness. When we discover our partners providing this affection to
someone else and realize that this affection is not the love we thought
was being poured in our hearts, is this the reason why we experience
this huge pain in our hearts? Is it because we just now realize the
emptiness that has taken place long before we discovered the truth
about our partners (or ex-partners)? Is this what happens when the
victim of cheating suddenly breaks down? I still wonder this as well..
I still struggle with concept of love and I am on of those people that longs for it and hope to one day be in a true loving relationship. However I wonder where would I find that source of happiness... Sometimes I wonder if I am even worthy...
I would like to hear other people's thoughts on love and indifference and maybe their experiences with both.
Also, I felt compelled to write this because last night I was talking to a dear friend of mine about relationships and love and somehow we ended up talking about cheating and why people hurt so much over it. And so i thought about it, and thought about it some more.
When someone says that he/she loves you with all their heart and soul,
you know they're lying when you find out the truth and they show
indifference to the pain that was caused. At that instant, you know
that the love you expected in return, the love you dreamed about and
desired so much, doesn't exist and more than likely never existed. Once
you have fulfilled the purpose your partner had in mind for you such as
sex, attention, money, popularity, etc., this indifference is revealed
more and deep down your heart senses it. As you may know, hate is not
the opposite of love. Indifference is the opposite of love...
Imagine our hearts as cups that only can be filled with love. When it's
filled, we're happy. On the contrary, when our hearts (cups) are empty
(void of love), there's this huge sadness; it's an emptiness that in
turn results in us longing for happiness, longing to be filled with
love. This is most likely the pain one feels in his/her heart when
his/her heart has been depleted. Now...indifference in this case would
be the lack of concern, desire, or motivation to have this cup filled,
whether it's your own or someone else's.
So what does this mean in terms of a loving relationships?
Imagine two hearts that pour love into each other (like cups)
unconditionally. Emptiness isn't an issue in this case because no
matter how much love you put into your own life, your work, your
children if you have children, etc...there's always someone there that
is more than willing to refill your heart and you in turn are always
there to refill his/her heart as well. And so you and the person you
love become this mutual and yet seemingly infinite source of each
others happiness. Isn't that what we consider a true loving
relationship? Isn't that the true love that we all seek? I still wonder
sometimes...
But what happens when there is indifference? What does it mean? I
sometimes struggle with what it all means myself and I'll try explain
my idea of it.
Imagine that you form an agreement, a mutual agreement, with someone
else to pour love into each others hearts (again like cups). What
happens when the one you love, the one you willingly and happily pour
your love into, doesn't really care to fill your heart or to have you
fill theirs? What happens when you pour your love into someone else's
heart but they in turn pour theirs into someone else's? You get hugs in
return, kisses in return, sex in return, and probably many other things
in return, but the love isn't really returned. We often accept these
forms of affection as objectifications
of love, BUT that doesn't mean the love exist. What is there, however,
is indifference; not the indifference you see when one doesn't care
about politics for instance, but its the kind of indifference that
mainly your heart notices and often feels.
Sometimes we deny what our heart is telling us because our minds
interprets different forms of affection as love, and so according to
our minds our hearts are being filled (or refilled) when in actuality
it isn't. Simply put: your part of the agreement wasn't in line with
theirs. They don't care whether or not your heart is filled with love
and often times they particular don't care if YOU fill theirs. There's
something else they wanted you to fulfill and often times it would be
things that we interpret as love such as affection or even intimacy for
that matter. So maybe they only cared about the sex, the attention,
etc. And they may provide these things in return, but its not
necessarily love. It doesn't mean they are pouring love into your
heart. They don't particular care to do so, though they may care about
your mind believing that they do...
And so because you're pouring your love into someone else's heart that
isn't pouring back and is in fact indifferent about it, your heart
slowly becomes empty and you slowly begin to long more for love.
However your mind may interpret certain forms of affection as love and
so you desire more and more those things that objectify
love but doesn't necessarily equate to love. When you get these things,
your mind tells you that your heart is indeed being filled and you fail
to notice that quite the opposite is taking place; the emptiness is
growing. You fail to notice that your source of 'happiness' is actually
a source of pain, of bitterness, of anger, and most of all a source of
sadness. When we discover our partners providing this affection to
someone else and realize that this affection is not the love we thought
was being poured in our hearts, is this the reason why we experience
this huge pain in our hearts? Is it because we just now realize the
emptiness that has taken place long before we discovered the truth
about our partners (or ex-partners)? Is this what happens when the
victim of cheating suddenly breaks down? I still wonder this as well..
I still struggle with concept of love and I am on of those people that longs for it and hope to one day be in a true loving relationship. However I wonder where would I find that source of happiness... Sometimes I wonder if I am even worthy...
I would like to hear other people's thoughts on love and indifference and maybe their experiences with both.