Sep 09, 2006 23:15
Alfons is not happy with the Nexus today. Getting turned into a girl by a water balloon was not high on his list of things to go through ever.
And now he has to go see Edward. God, embarrassing. At least Riza comforted him a bit.
As they enter the apartment, he turns to Riza and speaks with considerable relief. "At least we didn't run into Greed
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Edward's hand makes Alfons tense, and he's admittedly tempted to pull away, shut his mouth, and hide in a corner until this weirdness is gone. The only thing that holds him there is the worry in Edward's voice, which helps to yank him out of the unpleasant memories he was swimming in at the sight of Edward.
He caves when he looks over at Edward, unfolding from his uncomfortable position and practically throwing himself onto Edward, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face against the older man's neck. He's not sniffling. YOU HEARD NOTHING. "S'just bad memories n'm'sorry, I remembered 'n... n'... y'shouldn't worry." Not sniffle. "S'silly."
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"Hey," he whispers, kissing the other man's temple lightly, "hey, it's okay. Talk to me? What's wrong? What bad memories?"
Edward is now more than a little worried. And also vaguely wondering if there's someone he has to beat up for hurting Alfons. Aw, how cute. He's protective.
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We're not even gonna discuss the girl thing, dammit.
"Bad, jus'- bad person, bad things. With'em. Don'wanna remember." Mumble mumble NOT SNIFFLES. Well, Edward, if you were wondering if you'd have to hurt somebody, he probably confirmed it for you.
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"Alfons?" He's keeping his voice quiet, trying to calm the other man as much as he can. "Talk to me? Please? I can't fix anything if I don't know what's going on."
He's keeping from balling his hands into fists. He's tempted to figure out how to get back to Munich just so he can go beat someone up. Man, that makes two people he has to beat up if he can ever find the portal home. Roy and then whoever this 'bad person' is.
He needs to start keeping a list.
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He nuzzles a little closer, sighing softly, wishing he'd never brought up anything. When he answers Edward after a few more moments of calming himself his voice is firmer, and a lot less mumbley. "It only- he- h-he wasn't really a bad person. It's not fair to say that- only- he said things that hurt and I... I'd rather not remember that all over again."
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HAY ED do you like non sequiturs? Sort-of-non-sequiturs? Riza's good at them, and Alfons can pull out a few every now and then too. "You've seen how my world is," he almost whispers, voice going tight. "I didn't realize I was gay and decide that was all right in a day. It wasn't- it wasn't that easy."
He pauses, and his voice wavers when he speaks again. "S-So I can't blame him for... not being able to handle it. He decided it was wrong. I didn't take it well. He said things about what's wrong and right that wouldn't have really mattered, if somebody else had said it."
That was an elegant dodge of what Edward asked, but he's not willing to go into details. Obviously something that being gender-swapped made fresh in his mind, but he's not offering answers.
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Edward pulls back a little, grabbing Alfons's shoulders and making him look at him. "Hey, look at me. You know damn well I don't think it's wrong. I don't know what he said-" Edward kisses Alfons's forehead lightly then, before continuing, "-but you'll never hear anything like that from me. I love you."
He lifts his hands to cup Alfons's face. "So please? Tell me? What did he say?"
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"I know- of course, I know you don't and you'd never say that, and I don't either- I hope you know that too." He holds Edward's gaze for all of that, but blushes and looks down when he tries to answer Edward's question.
"It's not that important. But what he said... I knew I didn't agree with it. It made me determined to be myself; it hurt a lot, but things got clearer. And if I hadn't had that-" Alfons looks back up at Edward, smiling faintly, "-maybe I wouldn't have been comfortable with how I felt when I met you. So it had a silver lining- I suppose."
He looks more cheerful, so that's good, right? Despite the fact he's avoiding what about seeing Edward upset him, besides the dragging up bad memories of past crappy boyfriends.
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Right. Something he can't fix.
See that smile? There's no way it could be anything but 100% sincere, with how warm it is.
He's gotten better at that faking thing.
"All right," he says quietly, and kisses Alfons's forhead once more lightly, before he gets to his feet. "Come on, Riza's making some tea. Might help shake off the soggy feeling from the water balloon."
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He grabs hold of Edward's shirt before the older man can take a step, staring silently for a moment at his hand tugging the fabric before looking up at Edward's face, a faint pleading look in his eyes.
"It matters to you, r-right, how I am? You'd rather have me like I normally am- a-and you wouldn't try to change anything about me? I know you'd love me no matter what, but..."
Alfons's expression is barely short of openly begging Edward to say yes, possibly about a million times, although he doesn't know it- he doesn't have much control over his emotions let alone his face right now.
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This couldn't be what bothered him, could it?
Edward sits back down on the bed across from Alfons, taking both of Alfons's hands into his own. "Listen to me," he says quietly. "I wouldn't change a thing about you. Not ever. You're right, I'd love you regardless. That's not even a question. But no, I would never want you to be something different, outwardly or inwardly. You are who you are, Alfons, and if you think for some reason that I'd change that, you're wrong."
He bows his head, lifting Alfons's hands to his lips, then smiles and looks back up at him. "I love you, and you are a man named Alfons Heiderich. That's who I love. This, this will wear off. Doesn't mean I magically don't love you anymore or desire you more, or anything silly like that. It'll pass, and you'll still be the man that I intend to be with for as long as we're both still alive, all right ( ... )
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It's difficult for the mun to get more than ;_; ♥ out of Alfons for a reaction, but kicking your pups does wonders. Right, out of the narration...
Alfons's heart is broken in the best way, probably from trying to love Edward too much at once. He covers his eyes when Edward's done speaking, definitely sniffling with tears as a bonus now.
"I know- IknowIknowIknow m'-m'sorry- S-Scheiße, girls do cry more, it's easier or s-something," he says a bit ruefully, trailing off with a wet chuckle. "M'sorry. I know- I said it was silly. Only- Only I decided after that I'd find somebody who preferred me as I was so it sorta- sorta made me- it doesn't matter, I love you, s-so thank you ( ... )
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Lightly, he nuzzles his neck. "Of course I prefer you as you are. Normally, that is. Quite frankly..." He pulls back just a little to look at Alfons a bit better. "This whole 'you with breasts' thing is a little weird."
OMGWTF, Ed, when did you watch Armageddon and not tell your mun?!
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Alfons makes a face when Edward looks at him. "Trust me, I have a full sense of the weirdness. I'm relieved somebody else does too."
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"Oh, good. Then it's not just me." He kisses him lightly. "Come on. Riza should have the tea made by now."
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