Everything seems to want to be a phoenix
It feels like an awfully long time ago now, even though it isn't, and I was on a bus somewhere in Bradford with an incredibly good friend who we both agree should really not be a very good friend at all, but for some peculiar reason is. We hadn't known each other very long back then and I was in a state of flux. If I try to remember the lighting it was that soft yellow tinged light that often accompanies pleasant memories. At the time we were attempting to re-structure my character and produce life where before there was to me just a blob of putty. I described myself to her as a jellyfish; just sortof a thing floating around aimlessly. I remember we always ended up going round in circles in my head and I was basically completely and utterly lost. There have been many moments when I've attempted to recreate who I am, from drugs to meditation to NLP to, more recently, yoga, and I wonder if I will ever stop wanting to be something more than I am now. In any case today I feel very a very different person to the lonely and displaced character I remember being back then. The emotional turmoil has ebbed and I am able to see my many achievements and mistakes for what they were, but the urge has returned to begin afresh and to yet again re-structure myself, so I'm making a new journal as a sort of landmark of that change. Plus it just feels like a good idea right now with all the new starts already blossoming into view at the moment. So welcome to my new journal.