circle of life
So here I am, again. Back to the beginning. Before the beginning, even.
Hiding from you and the girl you like in Borders, being busted.
Only this time I don't have alot to say.
I feel like I've come full circle, but along the way, pieces of me were lost.
I tried to replace those bits of me, but all I've accomplished is a broken, mismatched me. The new pieces don't quite fit, and there are still gaps.
The one thing that hasn't changed is the emotion.
You've always, for whatever reason, gotten deep under my skin, and made me betray myself with my own feelings.
Then, it was a sort of exhilirating intimidation. A fascination that earned me that god aweful nickname.
Now it's just raw emotion. It fills my chest and I don't know what will make it go away. Should I scream, or cry, or laugh? Do I put on a happy face and pretend I'm ok?
Why ARENT I ok?
I may know you too well to be intimidated now. I know your faults, I have a sense of your demons. But that doesn't make you any less fascinating.
I want to be near you, to feel I know you completely and can trust and be trusted. I want us to be so close we don't even need to speak.
We always want what we can't have.
I know that now, and I've grown up alot.
I've taken all the new traits I've picked up along the way and stood on them, or balanced them on my head.
So now I looke taller, I'm an adult. But I'm still the child you once knew. So fresh and naive.
I know that all it would take is one little nudge in the right direction to make me lose my balance and topple back to sophomore year. You can see the truth. You'd know where to push.
But then where would we be? I couldn't start over. You can't get back your innocence. Once you see the world, you can't pretend you don't know.
I am changed. But not enough. I'm stuck someplace in the middle.
Frustrated and tired, but unwilling to let go.
A little girl in her mom's shoes. They're too big, but if I'm careful, I can still walk.
And someday, maybe, I'll fill them out and be able to run.
Hiding from you and the girl you like in Borders, being busted.
Only this time I don't have alot to say.
I feel like I've come full circle, but along the way, pieces of me were lost.
I tried to replace those bits of me, but all I've accomplished is a broken, mismatched me. The new pieces don't quite fit, and there are still gaps.
The one thing that hasn't changed is the emotion.
You've always, for whatever reason, gotten deep under my skin, and made me betray myself with my own feelings.
Then, it was a sort of exhilirating intimidation. A fascination that earned me that god aweful nickname.
Now it's just raw emotion. It fills my chest and I don't know what will make it go away. Should I scream, or cry, or laugh? Do I put on a happy face and pretend I'm ok?
Why ARENT I ok?
I may know you too well to be intimidated now. I know your faults, I have a sense of your demons. But that doesn't make you any less fascinating.
I want to be near you, to feel I know you completely and can trust and be trusted. I want us to be so close we don't even need to speak.
We always want what we can't have.
I know that now, and I've grown up alot.
I've taken all the new traits I've picked up along the way and stood on them, or balanced them on my head.
So now I looke taller, I'm an adult. But I'm still the child you once knew. So fresh and naive.
I know that all it would take is one little nudge in the right direction to make me lose my balance and topple back to sophomore year. You can see the truth. You'd know where to push.
But then where would we be? I couldn't start over. You can't get back your innocence. Once you see the world, you can't pretend you don't know.
I am changed. But not enough. I'm stuck someplace in the middle.
Frustrated and tired, but unwilling to let go.
A little girl in her mom's shoes. They're too big, but if I'm careful, I can still walk.
And someday, maybe, I'll fill them out and be able to run.