Ponderings
Okay, right, so I haven't updated my journal in an age, but I never promised I'd be good about it. I seem to remember saying when I started that I would probably be bad about updating. Ah, well.
So I was talking this morning with...ummm...my ex-girlfriend's boyfriend, although that's not entirely relevant to the story, and I was explaining to him some stuff about me that I don't think I've ever had in quite such a coherent form, and I thought I'd post these revelations while they're still in my head in a relatively articulate fashion.
For a lot of my life, I think I've had trouble distinguishing between friendships and romantic relationships. The lines have blurred both "before" and "after" the fact--a friendship developing into a romantic relationship, and hanging on to a romantic relationship when we really should have just been friends. This has made things incredibly complicated at times, but OTOH, it also means that I'm still on fairly good terms with almost all of my exes.
So I've spent the past week or so back in SoCal, seeing some old friends I haven't seen in 2 or 3 years, and, as someone so diplomatically put it, soliciting crash space with three of my exes. :^)
So I'm by nature a very snuggly person, and these are people I consider snuggly, and there has been snuggling. And snuggling is nice and fun and all that. But the more time I've spent with these individuals, the more I've realized why it is that I'm no longer dating each of them. Now these are my friends, and people I really do care about. In some cases a lot. But I really don't think I'd want to be involved with any of them at this point, for very good reasons.
So I was thinking and talking about this with the current SO of one of said exes, and I came to a realization. I don't experience so much a blurring of the boundary between platonic and romantic relationships, as I end up feeling there's no reason that a friendship shouldn't have a physical/sexual component. I mean, I understand that there are people in this world who would only want to have sex with someone they love, and I respect that, but personally, I think sex++ is fun, and something neat to share with someone I care about. I think I was confused about this for a while because our society seems to have sex and love so tied up together in one big package that people end up feeling they ought to be madly in love with someone they want to boink. Or something.
Anyway, that being said, I know my sweetie's been somewhat nervous about me being out here, and knowing intellectually that he has nothing to worry about, but still worrying in his gut. And I know reason cannot remove from a mind what reason has not put there, but I wanted to write this entry partly to show him why he has nothing to worry about, and partly to sort it out in my own mind. I am crazy in love with exactly one person on this planet, like I've never loved anyone else, and he has so little to worry about, because he means more to me than anyone else in the world. *big dorky grin*
So I was talking this morning with...ummm...my ex-girlfriend's boyfriend, although that's not entirely relevant to the story, and I was explaining to him some stuff about me that I don't think I've ever had in quite such a coherent form, and I thought I'd post these revelations while they're still in my head in a relatively articulate fashion.
For a lot of my life, I think I've had trouble distinguishing between friendships and romantic relationships. The lines have blurred both "before" and "after" the fact--a friendship developing into a romantic relationship, and hanging on to a romantic relationship when we really should have just been friends. This has made things incredibly complicated at times, but OTOH, it also means that I'm still on fairly good terms with almost all of my exes.
So I've spent the past week or so back in SoCal, seeing some old friends I haven't seen in 2 or 3 years, and, as someone so diplomatically put it, soliciting crash space with three of my exes. :^)
So I'm by nature a very snuggly person, and these are people I consider snuggly, and there has been snuggling. And snuggling is nice and fun and all that. But the more time I've spent with these individuals, the more I've realized why it is that I'm no longer dating each of them. Now these are my friends, and people I really do care about. In some cases a lot. But I really don't think I'd want to be involved with any of them at this point, for very good reasons.
So I was thinking and talking about this with the current SO of one of said exes, and I came to a realization. I don't experience so much a blurring of the boundary between platonic and romantic relationships, as I end up feeling there's no reason that a friendship shouldn't have a physical/sexual component. I mean, I understand that there are people in this world who would only want to have sex with someone they love, and I respect that, but personally, I think sex++ is fun, and something neat to share with someone I care about. I think I was confused about this for a while because our society seems to have sex and love so tied up together in one big package that people end up feeling they ought to be madly in love with someone they want to boink. Or something.
Anyway, that being said, I know my sweetie's been somewhat nervous about me being out here, and knowing intellectually that he has nothing to worry about, but still worrying in his gut. And I know reason cannot remove from a mind what reason has not put there, but I wanted to write this entry partly to show him why he has nothing to worry about, and partly to sort it out in my own mind. I am crazy in love with exactly one person on this planet, like I've never loved anyone else, and he has so little to worry about, because he means more to me than anyone else in the world. *big dorky grin*