(no subject)
she's keeps telling me over dinner
constantly trying to convince the voice in my head
that you're not done with me yet
there is still a part 2 to us
you'll ride in for one last time
that what we had was real
and it's up to those voices
if I let you in again
when the time presents itself
I'm terrified for that moment
yet in the end, she's usually on the mark.
but I pray, I pray, I pray
this time in 19 years that I've known her
she'd be wrong, just this once.
if I could tell you
the way I see the finale of us
if I saw you again
there'd be an understanding in our eyes
no words
a quite hush of
memories
like our first kiss
on my bed
mid morning
on March 12.
But there have been many March 12th's since that morning
that was then
since
I've done everything in my power to rid myself of your existence
accepting that you were in the end
a great person
that I was meant to meet, love and learn about myself through
in the end knowing
it obviously wasn't meant for us to be.
that
I'd wish you away
and succeed
and I have
and I did
out of sight, out of mind
my anthem
my motto
the words I've uttered over and over again
to myself, out loud while driving through the Battery Tunnel at 3 am
in the middle of the night, in whispers, while trying not to loose myself
with pain in my heart
while tears fall on my pillow
I've punished myself again and again
when I read your name
or that image of you with another
is flashed in my brain
so fast I endure that nauseated feeling in my stomach
that feeling of
that frustration of realizing I'm not yet over you, whole-heartedly
and pure disgust that it's been so long
and how dare I still feel something for you
a man who picked up and left a girl who he said he loved more then anyone else
a girl who didn't love herself enough to allow someone to love her
and you knew that and left
yet my body still reacts in such a way, it paralyzes me for those moments
I'm about to survive my first year of heart break
I know that I was strong
perhaps too strong
yet I couldn't be any other way
without falling apart
like I did over Arizona when I was 18.
But that was 2 boyfriends ago, and well..
I learned a lot since him.
and read a view good relationship books since.
so here I am just shy of our 1 year break up
amazed how time just passes so quickly
wondering if you'll even notice
we never really had an anniversary
we were a couple who dates didn't matter
but I'll always have Jan 29th.
the day I had to learn to fall out of love with you.
constantly trying to convince the voice in my head
that you're not done with me yet
there is still a part 2 to us
you'll ride in for one last time
that what we had was real
and it's up to those voices
if I let you in again
when the time presents itself
I'm terrified for that moment
yet in the end, she's usually on the mark.
but I pray, I pray, I pray
this time in 19 years that I've known her
she'd be wrong, just this once.
if I could tell you
the way I see the finale of us
if I saw you again
there'd be an understanding in our eyes
no words
a quite hush of
memories
like our first kiss
on my bed
mid morning
on March 12.
But there have been many March 12th's since that morning
that was then
since
I've done everything in my power to rid myself of your existence
accepting that you were in the end
a great person
that I was meant to meet, love and learn about myself through
in the end knowing
it obviously wasn't meant for us to be.
that
I'd wish you away
and succeed
and I have
and I did
out of sight, out of mind
my anthem
my motto
the words I've uttered over and over again
to myself, out loud while driving through the Battery Tunnel at 3 am
in the middle of the night, in whispers, while trying not to loose myself
with pain in my heart
while tears fall on my pillow
I've punished myself again and again
when I read your name
or that image of you with another
is flashed in my brain
so fast I endure that nauseated feeling in my stomach
that feeling of
that frustration of realizing I'm not yet over you, whole-heartedly
and pure disgust that it's been so long
and how dare I still feel something for you
a man who picked up and left a girl who he said he loved more then anyone else
a girl who didn't love herself enough to allow someone to love her
and you knew that and left
yet my body still reacts in such a way, it paralyzes me for those moments
I'm about to survive my first year of heart break
I know that I was strong
perhaps too strong
yet I couldn't be any other way
without falling apart
like I did over Arizona when I was 18.
But that was 2 boyfriends ago, and well..
I learned a lot since him.
and read a view good relationship books since.
so here I am just shy of our 1 year break up
amazed how time just passes so quickly
wondering if you'll even notice
we never really had an anniversary
we were a couple who dates didn't matter
but I'll always have Jan 29th.
the day I had to learn to fall out of love with you.