An Honest Entry
Hi,
I know we are currently on the outs, and I imagine you would like to keep it that way. I’m just, well, I’m sad about that. Frustrated and a little bit angry, though I know why you feel as such. I should have been more honest with you about the way things are going in my life, but I was afraid you wouldn’t understand and that you’d never give me a chance. So here it goes, the honest truth, come what may.
My life isn’t turning out the way I had planned. I’m sure you know what that’s like, being at a university where you weren’t happy even though all the indications were that you should have been. I’m a fool when it comes to men. I always want the ones that don’t really want to be with me. I had my heart broken by the man I thought I was going to marry someday. And about 6 months later, Todd showed up. He was every thing that K wasn’t: available, honest, nice. He had goals and dreams that didn’t revolve around where to catch the next big wave (and I mean that in surfer terms). And he loved me, loved me without requiring anything of me but that I care for him in return. It’s what I needed at the time, desperately needed after the disastrous end of my relationship with K. Things progressed quickly and I got swept up in it. When he asked me to marry him, I honestly thought that I wanted to get married to him, that I could really be with him for the rest of my life. Time has passed since that euphoric moment of someone willing to put up with me for the rest of their life, and now I can see how faulty a judge of myself I was being. How else could I have ended up in bed with you last week? It wasn’t just my attraction to you that led me there but the ultimate knowledge that what I had wasn’t what I wanted for the rest of my life.
I know I told you that I told Todd what happened between us, but I didn’t tell you the truth about his reaction because I wasn’t ready to deal with it. We rowed, and it wasn’t pretty. He asked me why, how it had happened and the truth about it spilled out. He didn’t take the news well, as I’m sure any one wouldn’t. We’ve talked several times since then and decided that it would be best for us to take a break, to try and still be friends while I grow up and figure things out. So that I have room to make or break myself and not hurt him in the process.
So there is my confession. I wanted to tell you in person, but I wasn’t sure how or when, and I don’t like crying in front of people. Sometimes, even when things are the right choice, they can still hurt like a bitch.
Someday, down the line, I wonder if you might give me another chance to be your friend, to see where things might go if we start on equal footing. But I’ll leave that in your hands.
me
I know we are currently on the outs, and I imagine you would like to keep it that way. I’m just, well, I’m sad about that. Frustrated and a little bit angry, though I know why you feel as such. I should have been more honest with you about the way things are going in my life, but I was afraid you wouldn’t understand and that you’d never give me a chance. So here it goes, the honest truth, come what may.
My life isn’t turning out the way I had planned. I’m sure you know what that’s like, being at a university where you weren’t happy even though all the indications were that you should have been. I’m a fool when it comes to men. I always want the ones that don’t really want to be with me. I had my heart broken by the man I thought I was going to marry someday. And about 6 months later, Todd showed up. He was every thing that K wasn’t: available, honest, nice. He had goals and dreams that didn’t revolve around where to catch the next big wave (and I mean that in surfer terms). And he loved me, loved me without requiring anything of me but that I care for him in return. It’s what I needed at the time, desperately needed after the disastrous end of my relationship with K. Things progressed quickly and I got swept up in it. When he asked me to marry him, I honestly thought that I wanted to get married to him, that I could really be with him for the rest of my life. Time has passed since that euphoric moment of someone willing to put up with me for the rest of their life, and now I can see how faulty a judge of myself I was being. How else could I have ended up in bed with you last week? It wasn’t just my attraction to you that led me there but the ultimate knowledge that what I had wasn’t what I wanted for the rest of my life.
I know I told you that I told Todd what happened between us, but I didn’t tell you the truth about his reaction because I wasn’t ready to deal with it. We rowed, and it wasn’t pretty. He asked me why, how it had happened and the truth about it spilled out. He didn’t take the news well, as I’m sure any one wouldn’t. We’ve talked several times since then and decided that it would be best for us to take a break, to try and still be friends while I grow up and figure things out. So that I have room to make or break myself and not hurt him in the process.
So there is my confession. I wanted to tell you in person, but I wasn’t sure how or when, and I don’t like crying in front of people. Sometimes, even when things are the right choice, they can still hurt like a bitch.
Someday, down the line, I wonder if you might give me another chance to be your friend, to see where things might go if we start on equal footing. But I’ll leave that in your hands.
me