(no subject)
I had a missed call during the pubcrawl yesterday from my parents place. Being smashed and smiling I didn’t think to return the call.
Received a call from them again this afternoon. It turns out my mothers mum passed away early this week after a few years bout with cancer.
I didn’t know this woman well at all. As with all relatives outside my parents and siblings, I hadn’t seen her in years, even though she lived but a few hours away.
I feel weird. Not sad for her death. She was not a part of my life so nothing will change. But I'm unsure about the funeral.
I want to go to be there for mum. Regardless of our relationship with grandma, she's still mum's mum, and I know all too well how she'd be feeling right now.
But there is something that makes me feel like I shouldn’t be there that I cant quite put my finger on. Almost like, I took no place in her life, so why should I feel as though I can go to her funeral and pretend that I was? Like, not giving someone the time of day for years, then wanting to come to their wedding? Maybe not the best example.
At any rate... I'm confused. Thoughts?