(no subject)
It's my first entry and I would think that with so many things going on, I wouldn't be able to get my thoughts to stop.
But I can't even get them to start ...
Everyday it's constant. Like they're all drawing one big circle in my head and going round and round and round ...
I think about Joe and all the uncertainties with him
I think about my marriage and whether or not it's gonna survive this hardship
and I wonder if I'm even willing to fight for it any longer.
I miss my best friend
I miss my Mommy
I miss my Daddy
and I miss my kids
Some days I miss my husband and the way things used to be ... other days I feel happier than I have in years. Doing whatever I wanna do and not worrying about what he's gonna do or say. Who woulda thought I'd have so much fun giving him a taste of his own medicine? I think about Jonathan and wonder if we're really supposed to be together forever like he says or if I really do have to learn to love what's good for me. Depression has set in a couple times in the past couple weeks but then it's gone as quick as it came. So many people and so many new friends surround me and yet ... I feel lonely. Is it 'cause of D? Is it 'cause I know D and I are separating and I need to be around my family who are thousands and thousands of miles away? Or is it just me setting myself apart from everyone and everything else.
I think I'm A D D
I needa call my Dad. I was supposed to call him yesterday when I picked up those souvenirs for that woman ... but I never even went look for them.
Pidgin is spoken more and more everyday LOL like Joe talking to the lady from the mainland about "no moa Dodge in Waipahu?" LOL frickin funny!
I'm tired
Good night.
But I can't even get them to start ...
Everyday it's constant. Like they're all drawing one big circle in my head and going round and round and round ...
I think about Joe and all the uncertainties with him
I think about my marriage and whether or not it's gonna survive this hardship
and I wonder if I'm even willing to fight for it any longer.
I miss my best friend
I miss my Mommy
I miss my Daddy
and I miss my kids
Some days I miss my husband and the way things used to be ... other days I feel happier than I have in years. Doing whatever I wanna do and not worrying about what he's gonna do or say. Who woulda thought I'd have so much fun giving him a taste of his own medicine? I think about Jonathan and wonder if we're really supposed to be together forever like he says or if I really do have to learn to love what's good for me. Depression has set in a couple times in the past couple weeks but then it's gone as quick as it came. So many people and so many new friends surround me and yet ... I feel lonely. Is it 'cause of D? Is it 'cause I know D and I are separating and I need to be around my family who are thousands and thousands of miles away? Or is it just me setting myself apart from everyone and everything else.
I think I'm A D D
I needa call my Dad. I was supposed to call him yesterday when I picked up those souvenirs for that woman ... but I never even went look for them.
Pidgin is spoken more and more everyday LOL like Joe talking to the lady from the mainland about "no moa Dodge in Waipahu?" LOL frickin funny!
I'm tired
Good night.