My skin looks gray
What's the correct way to spell gray anyway? Is it gray or is it grey? Either way, my skin looks gray. Maybe it's the lighting but still ... it's weird. So tired ... so sleepy ... my eyes burn
Needed someone to talk to but ... La'a's not here and he's the only one my soul wanted to be around. I wasn't even planning on saying anything to him ... I just wanted to feel his presence.
Oh well, at least he's out doing something. Doing what he wants to do ... and not letting anyone tell him otherwise. I honestly don't even think he'll understand my predicament but I still want him around. I saw dolphins yesterday. A whole group of them. Swimming and jumping outta the water. I was sooo excited! My freakin legs started shaking uncontrolably. Anyway ... I wonder what it'd be like to be a dolphin. I wonder if they have more "happy" days than "scared" or "sad" days. I wish I could be as beautiful as a dolphin. My husband doesn't want me home ... he doesn't want me anymore, period. I close my eyes and all I see is darkness. Then I see a person ... in the darkness. Just sitting there or is it laying there? Just a shadow in the dark place in my head. I wonder if that's me ... and if that's how I see myself. I feel a distance coming between my best friend and me. Or maybe all this is just an illusion. Maybe I'm in a coma back in Texas and I cannot wake up. And I'm dreaming that I'm living and working in Hawaii ... and one day I'm gonna wake up and be right back in Corpus. Or maybe Robstown! Maybe I can go back to BEFORE the bad stuff happened and then not have to go through it at all. Then it won't get in the way of my marriage or anything else.
I miss my Mommy and my Daddy. ...
Needed someone to talk to but ... La'a's not here and he's the only one my soul wanted to be around. I wasn't even planning on saying anything to him ... I just wanted to feel his presence.
Oh well, at least he's out doing something. Doing what he wants to do ... and not letting anyone tell him otherwise. I honestly don't even think he'll understand my predicament but I still want him around. I saw dolphins yesterday. A whole group of them. Swimming and jumping outta the water. I was sooo excited! My freakin legs started shaking uncontrolably. Anyway ... I wonder what it'd be like to be a dolphin. I wonder if they have more "happy" days than "scared" or "sad" days. I wish I could be as beautiful as a dolphin. My husband doesn't want me home ... he doesn't want me anymore, period. I close my eyes and all I see is darkness. Then I see a person ... in the darkness. Just sitting there or is it laying there? Just a shadow in the dark place in my head. I wonder if that's me ... and if that's how I see myself. I feel a distance coming between my best friend and me. Or maybe all this is just an illusion. Maybe I'm in a coma back in Texas and I cannot wake up. And I'm dreaming that I'm living and working in Hawaii ... and one day I'm gonna wake up and be right back in Corpus. Or maybe Robstown! Maybe I can go back to BEFORE the bad stuff happened and then not have to go through it at all. Then it won't get in the way of my marriage or anything else.
I miss my Mommy and my Daddy. ...