Minatsuki wasn't aware of Abel's presence- not at first, anyway. She was still taking in the damage that had been done to her shop... No, it had been a home in a way. She kneeled down, brushing sand off of a flowerpot. Whatever had been inside the pot had long since died, choked by the unrelenting sand.
She stood up with the pot in her hands and stared down at it for several more seconds before she detected another person in her surroundings. She turned, seeing Abel, but couldn't think of anything to say. She didn't have the strength or the energy, or, ironically, the heart to force herself to burst into stammery, apologetic sobs, to knock her knees together and act weak.
It wasn't like she could if she wanted to. She was incapable of lying.
And what was the fucking point of pretending now, anyway? She managed a short nod, and that was all.
Could she rebuild it? Looking at the destruction, she wasn't sure that she could. That so many of her beloved flowers- yes, maybe she did love them in her own way- had died was a knife to the gut that shocked her so badly she wasn't sure that she was feeling the full brunt of the loss yet.
His words washed over her with little importance. "Me too," she said.
Normally, Minatsuki would have quipped something in her hand about how Abel was worth no more to her than dirt, but she bit it back. "What's there to reconstruct? All of it..." she mumbled, but she couldn't finish her sentence. There was no way for her to appropriately describe the loss.
She balled her hands into fists. "It's not that fucking easy!"
His offer- the plain generosity of it- only made her angrier. Why? she thought. Why do people insist on helping for nothing in return? For getting her hopes up only for it to amount to disappointment?
"I'm not asking you to do that!" she snapped, trying to breathe easier, trying not to exert her damaged body too much. "I don't need that out of you."
Part of her knew that his words were true and wanted to agree vehemently with them. But the half of her that was in such denial shoved them away. "Listen to that bullshit coming out of your mouth!" she said, clenching her hands into fists. Never mind that she was going against everything she'd led Abel to believe about her. "It's pathetic! That kind of view on the world gets you nowhere!"
She shook her head, lifting a hand to her hair and clutching at it like she wanted to get her Branch of Sin working. But with the extent of her injuries, she couldn't, and so her expression grew a little manic. She didn't want to hear these things. Not at all.
"Worth living for?" she spat. "You disgust me! I'm supposed to be dead!"
A part of her realized that Abel, like the extreme majority of those she knew, had no idea that she'd died at all. But now that she'd said it, she only continued: "You think it's so damn easy to talk about all of that shit. But only a true idiot would believe you! This world... my world... it's all hideous, and everything winds up like this." She motioned roughly to the wreckage surrounding them both. "If you can fucking look at all of this and tell me that I should rebuild, I'd rather kill you than listen."
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She stood up with the pot in her hands and stared down at it for several more seconds before she detected another person in her surroundings. She turned, seeing Abel, but couldn't think of anything to say. She didn't have the strength or the energy, or, ironically, the heart to force herself to burst into stammery, apologetic sobs, to knock her knees together and act weak.
It wasn't like she could if she wanted to. She was incapable of lying.
And what was the fucking point of pretending now, anyway? She managed a short nod, and that was all.
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His words washed over her with little importance. "Me too," she said.
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She balled her hands into fists. "It's not that fucking easy!"
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"I'm not asking you to do that!" she snapped, trying to breathe easier, trying not to exert her damaged body too much. "I don't need that out of you."
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"Don't you get it? There's just no fucking point," she said finally.
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"Worth living for?" she spat. "You disgust me! I'm supposed to be dead!"
A part of her realized that Abel, like the extreme majority of those she knew, had no idea that she'd died at all. But now that she'd said it, she only continued: "You think it's so damn easy to talk about all of that shit. But only a true idiot would believe you! This world... my world... it's all hideous, and everything winds up like this." She motioned roughly to the wreckage surrounding them both. "If you can fucking look at all of this and tell me that I should rebuild, I'd rather kill you than listen."
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