Stupid writing stuff I have to get out of my head
She sent me a message to meet her south of town, past the farms but before the ports. She always had something interesting to show me whenever she contacted me like this, so I set out to met her.
On my way I saw several people kicking cabbages around. Cabbages for gods sake! Even stranger than that, the cabbages seemed to enjoy being kicked around. The cabbages giggled and said such odd things when they were kicked. The cabbages that weren't being kicked bounced up and down and made loud squishing noises, no doubt trying to entice passersby to kick them.
I asked around and apparently some joker had animated the local cabbages 4 days ago. The cabbages where still edible... you just had to work a bit harder than before to eat them. Despite this, no one seemed annoyed. None of the locals really liked cabbage that much; they seemed to enjoy kicking cabbage much more than eating it. There where rumors that the spell on the cabbages would wear off soon but that only encouraged more people to come out to kick cabbage before the bouncing cabbages disappeared.
I think the bouncing cabbages emit some kind of dust that makes them look inviting. I saw one local, maddened by the dust, trying to kick a cabbage along the westward road, saying the cabbage he was kicking invited him to meet the god of the cabbages.
I finally found her standing in the middle of the road wearing monk's robes that she either stole from the monastery or conned off a hapless monk. Sure, she was holy and devout, but who knows to which god; she seemed to despise the idea of worshiping the more popular gods of the land. It was her holiness (or just the appearance of it) which allowed her to wander into any monastery she pleased (despite the god it was dedicated to) and get away with the oddest things. I wondered what she had done this time.
When I was approaching her I noticed movement under her robes. Oh gods. Bouncehopsquish. Bouncehopsquish. Bouncehopsquish. Gigglegigglewigglewoo. She was standing over a cabbage...
"Get that cabbage out from under there right now!"
"Why?" She flashed a grin at me. "I really doubt these people will notice."
Bouncehopsquish.
"..."
Bouncehopsquish.
"Look. It just sounds... and... Oh come on, it makes a very visible lump every time it..."
Bouncehopsquish.
She started laughing at me. "Yes?"
Bouncehopsquish.
Bouncehopsquish.
Bouncehopsquish.
Bouncehopsquish.
"It sounds..."
Bouncehopsquish.
"IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF!"
Bouncehopsquish. Gigglegigglewigglewoo.
She doubled over laughing as the cabbage shoot out from under her robes yelling gleefully "CABBAGE!!!!" In between bouts of laughter she tried her best to fake a lecturing tone of voice. "HAHAHA HA! DON'T YOU THINK THOSE CABBAGES ARE A BIT TOO BIG FOR ME? OOOOH! HAA HA HAHAHA HA! WHAT KIND OF GIRL DO YOU THINK I AM, MEEESTER? AHAHAHA HAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAAHA! IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF! OH... AHAHAHAHAHA! I THINK YOU WERE ENJOYING YOURSELF! HAHA! DIRTY MAN! AHAHAHAHEEHEEHEEHEHEE! LUMP! AHAHAHAHAHA! O GOD!"
"..."
"AHEHEHEHEEHEEEHEEHEEEHEEHEEE! I'M DYING, OH GOD! AHAHAHEEHEHEEHEEHEEHEE! HOOOO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEEEEEE OOOH ouch... ahhh hahahaha... hehehe. Hah! Owwww.... OOOH. Seriously, I don't think anyone noticed. HAHAHA - EXCEPT YOU! HAHAHAHAHA ha ha... Seriously, these people are mad, look at them! Kicking cabbages! Hehehe... Ok, I need to get out of here before I go mad as well. HAHAHAHAHA!!! LUMP IN MY ROBE! HEEHEEHEEHEE HEE hah. Quickly, let's run away from the cabbages. SOUTHWARD HOOO!"
She ran off toward the rat-infested town she calls home. I decided to follow her rather than stand around and listen to the cabbages make obscene sounds. She still hadn't told me what she wanted anyhow.
On my way I saw several people kicking cabbages around. Cabbages for gods sake! Even stranger than that, the cabbages seemed to enjoy being kicked around. The cabbages giggled and said such odd things when they were kicked. The cabbages that weren't being kicked bounced up and down and made loud squishing noises, no doubt trying to entice passersby to kick them.
I asked around and apparently some joker had animated the local cabbages 4 days ago. The cabbages where still edible... you just had to work a bit harder than before to eat them. Despite this, no one seemed annoyed. None of the locals really liked cabbage that much; they seemed to enjoy kicking cabbage much more than eating it. There where rumors that the spell on the cabbages would wear off soon but that only encouraged more people to come out to kick cabbage before the bouncing cabbages disappeared.
I think the bouncing cabbages emit some kind of dust that makes them look inviting. I saw one local, maddened by the dust, trying to kick a cabbage along the westward road, saying the cabbage he was kicking invited him to meet the god of the cabbages.
I finally found her standing in the middle of the road wearing monk's robes that she either stole from the monastery or conned off a hapless monk. Sure, she was holy and devout, but who knows to which god; she seemed to despise the idea of worshiping the more popular gods of the land. It was her holiness (or just the appearance of it) which allowed her to wander into any monastery she pleased (despite the god it was dedicated to) and get away with the oddest things. I wondered what she had done this time.
When I was approaching her I noticed movement under her robes. Oh gods. Bouncehopsquish. Bouncehopsquish. Bouncehopsquish. Gigglegigglewigglewoo. She was standing over a cabbage...
"Get that cabbage out from under there right now!"
"Why?" She flashed a grin at me. "I really doubt these people will notice."
Bouncehopsquish.
"..."
Bouncehopsquish.
"Look. It just sounds... and... Oh come on, it makes a very visible lump every time it..."
Bouncehopsquish.
She started laughing at me. "Yes?"
Bouncehopsquish.
Bouncehopsquish.
Bouncehopsquish.
Bouncehopsquish.
"It sounds..."
Bouncehopsquish.
"IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF!"
Bouncehopsquish. Gigglegigglewigglewoo.
She doubled over laughing as the cabbage shoot out from under her robes yelling gleefully "CABBAGE!!!!" In between bouts of laughter she tried her best to fake a lecturing tone of voice. "HAHAHA HA! DON'T YOU THINK THOSE CABBAGES ARE A BIT TOO BIG FOR ME? OOOOH! HAA HA HAHAHA HA! WHAT KIND OF GIRL DO YOU THINK I AM, MEEESTER? AHAHAHA HAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAAHA! IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF! OH... AHAHAHAHAHA! I THINK YOU WERE ENJOYING YOURSELF! HAHA! DIRTY MAN! AHAHAHAHEEHEEHEEHEHEE! LUMP! AHAHAHAHAHA! O GOD!"
"..."
"AHEHEHEHEEHEEEHEEHEEEHEEHEEE! I'M DYING, OH GOD! AHAHAHEEHEHEEHEEHEEHEE! HOOOO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEEEEEE OOOH ouch... ahhh hahahaha... hehehe. Hah! Owwww.... OOOH. Seriously, I don't think anyone noticed. HAHAHA - EXCEPT YOU! HAHAHAHAHA ha ha... Seriously, these people are mad, look at them! Kicking cabbages! Hehehe... Ok, I need to get out of here before I go mad as well. HAHAHAHAHA!!! LUMP IN MY ROBE! HEEHEEHEEHEE HEE hah. Quickly, let's run away from the cabbages. SOUTHWARD HOOO!"
She ran off toward the rat-infested town she calls home. I decided to follow her rather than stand around and listen to the cabbages make obscene sounds. She still hadn't told me what she wanted anyhow.