maybe god wants me to be emo
i have this strange feeling that the gods or the world has some conspiracy to throw as much bullshit my way in order to make me so fucking stressed i will bawl my eyes out now everyday and turn *shock* EMO..... (insert scary music)
i feel like there is a never-ending bullshit train thats come into Meaghan station.... I try and solve one problem, try and get through a really stressful time, just to end up with new problems and shit that never goes away, only changes.
I am happy to be out of Goolia's place, it was horrible there. But now I feel like I have to tiptoe around these new people too, all becuase i wanted to have a clean fucking kitchen. apparently its taboo to ask about arranging some plan to fairly distribute the work. as though they have already done so much....
I fucking cleaned up that disgusting kitchen, only to be met with rolling eyes and short quick repsonses. Pretty much telling me that I have too high standards and to leave them alone and let them do whatever they want.
Now, I cant find the courage to say anything else. Since that went badly, now i have a whole new house to be scared in. I just wish someone normal who was nice and understanding would help me. I just need a person who can talk with me and have some kind of maturity. It seems my species is very rare.
Someone to have fun and be weird, but also realise there are times to be responsible n life and not rely on others to always rescue you. I feel like i am surrounded by it everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even the people i like and are my friends, each of them in some way is rescued by their parents, whether financially ro otherwise.
I have been given my share of money. To pay for tuition fees for uni, and a whole 70 bucks to help pay for bills once. Maybe money as presents counts too, in that case I have been given much more...but it was always to pay for fucking bills and food. When will i get the chance to focus on myself and not all the things that i am forced to do? when will i be able to enjoy things? it seems that since i am surrounded by people who DO enjoy themselves, i am the one forced to pick up the pieces and do the jobs forgotten about. Especially in the case of this new house.
I just wish someone had my back for once. Will I always be the care taker for everyone else. I just want to cry. i am forced to be emo. i have no choice now. I have everything turned against me. noone gives a flying fuck. they have their happy lives where everything is taken care of and everything stable.
if i slip up, if i fuck up uni or my job, i am fucking screwed. i worry if i dont keep this ginger balance of juggling everything, i will fall and i will never want to get up and start again. i am the type of person that tries so hard, but when you are broken you mostly stay that way. i have had to start over three times already, and i'm not ready to do it again.
i need someones help and there is noone to give it. i dont think anyone can. and if you disagree, i dare you to tell me how you could fucking help. you can listen and read this shit but you will never be able to help me for real.
i hate emo's.
i feel like there is a never-ending bullshit train thats come into Meaghan station.... I try and solve one problem, try and get through a really stressful time, just to end up with new problems and shit that never goes away, only changes.
I am happy to be out of Goolia's place, it was horrible there. But now I feel like I have to tiptoe around these new people too, all becuase i wanted to have a clean fucking kitchen. apparently its taboo to ask about arranging some plan to fairly distribute the work. as though they have already done so much....
I fucking cleaned up that disgusting kitchen, only to be met with rolling eyes and short quick repsonses. Pretty much telling me that I have too high standards and to leave them alone and let them do whatever they want.
Now, I cant find the courage to say anything else. Since that went badly, now i have a whole new house to be scared in. I just wish someone normal who was nice and understanding would help me. I just need a person who can talk with me and have some kind of maturity. It seems my species is very rare.
Someone to have fun and be weird, but also realise there are times to be responsible n life and not rely on others to always rescue you. I feel like i am surrounded by it everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even the people i like and are my friends, each of them in some way is rescued by their parents, whether financially ro otherwise.
I have been given my share of money. To pay for tuition fees for uni, and a whole 70 bucks to help pay for bills once. Maybe money as presents counts too, in that case I have been given much more...but it was always to pay for fucking bills and food. When will i get the chance to focus on myself and not all the things that i am forced to do? when will i be able to enjoy things? it seems that since i am surrounded by people who DO enjoy themselves, i am the one forced to pick up the pieces and do the jobs forgotten about. Especially in the case of this new house.
I just wish someone had my back for once. Will I always be the care taker for everyone else. I just want to cry. i am forced to be emo. i have no choice now. I have everything turned against me. noone gives a flying fuck. they have their happy lives where everything is taken care of and everything stable.
if i slip up, if i fuck up uni or my job, i am fucking screwed. i worry if i dont keep this ginger balance of juggling everything, i will fall and i will never want to get up and start again. i am the type of person that tries so hard, but when you are broken you mostly stay that way. i have had to start over three times already, and i'm not ready to do it again.
i need someones help and there is noone to give it. i dont think anyone can. and if you disagree, i dare you to tell me how you could fucking help. you can listen and read this shit but you will never be able to help me for real.
i hate emo's.