still sad
i'm very pathetic, but i cant help feeling really sad and down. dave wrote to me last night, but he STILL didnt even respond to what i had written in the long and personal email from tuesday. men are so stupid. why ask for one and then not even say anything about it??? so, anyways, i wrote back briefly saying i was still wondering why he hadnt after i asked him, but that i just wanted to forget about it. i mostly talked about how he'll keep having a better and better trip as time goes on. he was very bored at first at his grandpa's, then he went to see his friend martin, and while they do a bit more (he sent pics that are nice) he's still bored. he's looking forward to seeing his cousin and i think they are going to prague together and he also might be seeing some black metal guy as well. anyways, i only just said in one sentence that i wasnt feeling as happy as him, but that it was just one of those things. i think it's not necessary to get into it seeing as he probably could guess why. maybe his latest emails, which are mostly just about what he's been up to are not hitting me the same way his arlier one were, which were more about he and i. its so fucking weird how guys can change so fast like that. one day he is bored and so he writes how much he wants me to be there, and the next he says he's drinking and going places and atatches a "miss you, lotsa love" tag at the end. I am seriously hyper-sensitive. I am also grieving the fact i hav to go soon, back to fucking shit. i dont want to be alone there. its all a once. if he atleast kept writing those great emails i could survive, but he obviously doesnt have the time. i feel so left out, and the only place i feel involved in I have to fucking go in two days. my heart hurts. i feel a pain that will never go.