(no subject)
david leaves tomorrow. have been tense about many things besides him as well. about to take an exam. ONLY MY SECOND. i have had the bad luck of having all my exams at the end of the exam period, its dragged on way too long. i know that i'll be missing dave but at the same time maybe being alone is best. i dont have any good plans except to spend a week in sydney. thats it though. after that its back to work and school. i recently joined a gym in the hopes that it'll do something for me. dont know yet but atleast i'll have something to do while dave is gone. i'm not liking being without rusty. i think becuase everyone else has their own pet, even dave still has his dog, but now i am without my own pet that kept me company a lot when i was by myself. i feel really cheated. i had a weird dream last night. i had to go on a holiday with dave AND his ex Rachael. yuck. the funny thing was she wanted to be called "jules". i dont get why that was. and i remember being very pissed off, because everyone left to go sightseeing without me and i felt so hurt and betrayed. i am thinking maybe lately it has to do with dave , my insecurities and feeling left out of a lot of people's lives. i am just very cynical and pissed off lately. no offense but i'm not really liking anyone lately, not even myself so there you go. dont misinterpret this as me wallowing in self pity, as a matter of fact, i am more angry and realistic than anything else. nothing feels real, just fake. i've given up on a lot of people. dave will come back and it'll be nice, but i will have been stuck here alone. and i ahve noone to blame but myself. time for the exam. great.