Happy Pi Day Everybody
Dear Livejournal.
I haven't updated in a really long time. Maybe this is due to my hectic schedule, or my lack of actual content to write about.
I got served up a cold plate of rejection... and every day I find myself believing less and caring less about the prospect of intimacy in general. Every time I reach out of my shell there's only more reason to lock myself back up and throw away the key for real this time. But seriously. I think this entire process of... being undesired... has, in the end made me a happier person. I could die alone and happy. Or at least stay sane telling myself that. Spend more time loving myself if nobody else is going to...
Spring break's coming up soon and I got fucked over on my paycheck, so yay, broke spring break. I'll be getting the *rest* of it April 1st.
I wrote lyrics the other day. Titled "makeup girl" It's on my laptop. I'll post it some other time.
My best friend's pregnant again... and she's probably going to marry the father.... this makes 2 babies.. 2 husbands... not bad for 22 years old dear. For 13 years now it's been "I'm gonna hate to say I told you so" followed by "I hate to say I told you so." For once in my life I'd like her to be the one saying she told me so.
I'm happy for her. If she's happy then I'm extatic. I just don't see the things that make her happy now making her happy 10 years from now. I mean her kids will make her happy... but when she's 30 is she going to wish she could go back and do it differently? More than anything I want to believe her when she says that she couldn't possibly imagine someone more.. suited for her to even exist. I want to believe that this kid is the guy she's been dreaming of her whole life. Unfortunately I find myself with the sinking gut feeling that she's just in love with the idea of being in love.
Maybe it's just that I don't want to believe that after less than 3 months you can be absolutely positive that someone is your 'one true love'
Maybe I just believe that if true love exists it's a companionship that grows over time... like a beautiful flower or some other sappy similie. You plant the seed, you water it, feed it, you watch it sprout, you bask in it's frailty and innocence and beauty and nuture it and watch it grow until you know how much of what fruit it yields and exactly how sweet those flowers smell... and it's not until you see and smell that flower and taste the fruit that you can truely claim that it is the perfect flora...
sigh
this is Rachel
I haven't updated in a really long time. Maybe this is due to my hectic schedule, or my lack of actual content to write about.
I got served up a cold plate of rejection... and every day I find myself believing less and caring less about the prospect of intimacy in general. Every time I reach out of my shell there's only more reason to lock myself back up and throw away the key for real this time. But seriously. I think this entire process of... being undesired... has, in the end made me a happier person. I could die alone and happy. Or at least stay sane telling myself that. Spend more time loving myself if nobody else is going to...
Spring break's coming up soon and I got fucked over on my paycheck, so yay, broke spring break. I'll be getting the *rest* of it April 1st.
I wrote lyrics the other day. Titled "makeup girl" It's on my laptop. I'll post it some other time.
My best friend's pregnant again... and she's probably going to marry the father.... this makes 2 babies.. 2 husbands... not bad for 22 years old dear. For 13 years now it's been "I'm gonna hate to say I told you so" followed by "I hate to say I told you so." For once in my life I'd like her to be the one saying she told me so.
I'm happy for her. If she's happy then I'm extatic. I just don't see the things that make her happy now making her happy 10 years from now. I mean her kids will make her happy... but when she's 30 is she going to wish she could go back and do it differently? More than anything I want to believe her when she says that she couldn't possibly imagine someone more.. suited for her to even exist. I want to believe that this kid is the guy she's been dreaming of her whole life. Unfortunately I find myself with the sinking gut feeling that she's just in love with the idea of being in love.
Maybe it's just that I don't want to believe that after less than 3 months you can be absolutely positive that someone is your 'one true love'
Maybe I just believe that if true love exists it's a companionship that grows over time... like a beautiful flower or some other sappy similie. You plant the seed, you water it, feed it, you watch it sprout, you bask in it's frailty and innocence and beauty and nuture it and watch it grow until you know how much of what fruit it yields and exactly how sweet those flowers smell... and it's not until you see and smell that flower and taste the fruit that you can truely claim that it is the perfect flora...
sigh
this is Rachel