Afraid of What I may become
Im not at the current point that my internship hours are the only thing that stands in my way in going back to active duty as an officer. I don't know why, and many think I am crazy and running away or just didn't accept living in the civilian sector. However inside of me has been a push, or maybe an actual calling. Calling me back to service. Looking back from my prior enlistment and now, I am afraid of being called an Officer in the military. This comes at a heavy price to pay and i honestly cannot see myself doing anything else besides this...at the moment. I want to learn and absorb on how to be a real leader. A person that can influence and frame the minds of others.
The hardest part in all this is my continuous relationships that I form and then break. Ive hurt so many in my way of trying to realize my goal and trying to understand why I get into relationships if its only to break till i get my goal.
Even though I am at young age at the moment (29) I can imagine myself already getting old. a few years ago i would think that that would be an impossibility, but now just thinking of my mother and father passing away in the near future has made me more concerned about my own life. To grow old and then whiter away. I wonder what death means after we pass away from this world, this planet, this plane of existence. What does God really want us to do with this life. The meaning and purpose to everything I wonder. Love is the greatest form of power I hear, yet then i also hear on the daily struggles of ambition and work and the currency in order to form a better life.
I don't know where i am going with my ambition....
all i can do now is just keep walking forward...whereever my mind and body feels more at peace.
The hardest part in all this is my continuous relationships that I form and then break. Ive hurt so many in my way of trying to realize my goal and trying to understand why I get into relationships if its only to break till i get my goal.
Even though I am at young age at the moment (29) I can imagine myself already getting old. a few years ago i would think that that would be an impossibility, but now just thinking of my mother and father passing away in the near future has made me more concerned about my own life. To grow old and then whiter away. I wonder what death means after we pass away from this world, this planet, this plane of existence. What does God really want us to do with this life. The meaning and purpose to everything I wonder. Love is the greatest form of power I hear, yet then i also hear on the daily struggles of ambition and work and the currency in order to form a better life.
I don't know where i am going with my ambition....
all i can do now is just keep walking forward...whereever my mind and body feels more at peace.