"Ducky is right...I *am* a woman"
So, I promised that there was more awesome to come after my epic weekend post of epicness. I shall continue now.
First, with the random of Sunday. See, having spent so much time with the Fella on Thursday and Saturday, I was suffering under an intense craving for more. I knew this was not such a good thing, so my impulse to call him and ask if he wanted to watch Little Women was unceremoniously squished (oh, by the way, on the girlfriend front--I've not asked, but the impression I've gotten from random comments he's made is that she is no more). But this resolution did lead to a general state of dissatisfaction and restlessness. It was one of those evenings when people keep coming over and really you just kind of wish that they would all let you be. Adding to the weird sense of weirdness was the fact that Lil' Brudder is back in town. Not that he's weird. But he came over Sunday afternoon and I had an odd realization. I am a hard person for someone like him to be friends with. Kandy is much easier. And he is following the path of least resistance. See, over the last year I have been Lil' Brudders confidant and I've witnessed all of his romantic foibles. Which has led to a whole heck of a lot of lecturing on my part. Every time he start jerking another girl around I let him have it. I expect a lot of my friends. And this has been hard on Lil' Brudder. I don't feel the least bit bad for anything I've given him, but I can see how he would have a hard time with it. Kandy, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of me. In fact, she has often of late made me feel vaguely uncomfortable for this same reason. What I mean is this. Kandy works people. She pleases. She flirts and flatters and fans the ego. And she's very good at it. Because she mixes in a lot of honesty with what she does. And I actually feel uncomfortable with how I've started to mistrust her. Because I like her, and I don't think she's really trying to hurt or even use any one. But something about the way she is is starting to leave me slightly...unsure. Anyway, the point is that she is very good at telling you what you want to hear. She doesn't make things hard or uncomfortable. And specifically, I think Lil' Brudder has started talking to her, rather than to me, because she doesn't make him feel bad about his bad behavior. Also, her naturally very bubbly "trying to please" personality matches his rather more than my less effervescent one does. This is fine. But it does make me a little sad. So Sunday night he came over, for the first time since he got back from Colorado, and they were sitting here in the living room talking all about these things that he'd clearly told her about but I knew nothing of. That is why I say it was weird. Anyway. So I was sitting here, trying to take part in the conversation, but not really feeling it when guess who should call me...again?
That's right! DBFB Juan! Clearly this boy wants to talk to me. Weird weird weird. This time I actually answered the phone ("Well, hi JON!" and suddenly Lil' Brudder and Kandy are both staring at me). I didn't really want to talk to him with those two hanging on every word, so I went outside. I'm thinking this is going to be a very short conversation, so I just start pacing around in my bare feet. Oh false. I not only walked up to campus, but all the way down to 700 to 400 N, over to 800 E and back up, and then over to 3rd E, and then finally back to CP and just laying on the grass. Yeah. we talked* for some two and a half hours. First he asked me what was new in my life and I really could not think of one single thing I could tell him that would interest him even in the least. So I told him, quite honestly, that I had nothing for him. Then I asked him how he was liking Texas, and other than school and flying, what did he do with himself. This put him onto what I think he's really been wanting to talk to me about, which is the book he's been reading. It is this book about the psychology of killing, and what it takes for a person to kill another, and what it means to them after they've done so (he's not this much of a psycho, I promise--he's planning on going into the air force so killing is a possibility in his future) It's funny. When talking to him about this book it is easy to forget just what he is. He really is very intelligent and expresses himself very well. And while some of his opinions are extreme, he has logical reasoning behind them. I can almost forget that this is the original DBFB that I'm talking to. Luckily, after we discussed the book for an hour, we then moved on to his favorite topic of discussion with me; all the girls in his life. We talked about The Russian, and how awesome she was. And we talked about the girls he's sort of interested in now. This carried the conversation for the last 45 minutes, and then I was happy to end the call. After 45 minutes of how gorgeous this girl is, and how awesome that girl is, I finally found a lull and quickly said "Well Juan, it has been really good talking to you, but sadly I must go. I've not eaten all day and its finally starting to catch up with me so I must go and feed myself" I confess that I am glad that I was the one who got to end the conversation. And as always, when I do something he doesn't approve of, he got all dismissive and quick "Oh, you haven't eaten? Well go eat! Yeah. Ok, bye." But he did say he would try to keep in better touch. Ha. Sure. And I honestly hope he doesn't. If I talk to him too much more often than our 2-4 month system we have now, I will probably not be able to maintain my neutral attitude toward his faults. Anyway. At least he distracted me from my restlessness, right? And I'm not gonna lie, snake that he is, it's still flattering that he has this bizarre attachment to me.
But let us leave the DBFB and move on to altogether more agreeable topics. Which is to say that Monday The Fella told me that Sunday night he read "Daddy Long Legs" (see, its good I didn't distract him so he could read it!). The thing is, even though I knew how much he loves "Little Women" I was still very nervous that he wasn't going to like these books I'd lent him. I thought he would think them silly and childish and unrealistic and just plain annoying. So as soon as he tells me that he read DLL I got all nervous. So what did you think of it, I ask nervously. I needn't have doubted him. "Delightful!" was his response. He was just as in love with the beautiful writing style and humor of the book as I. I know this because he said (now are you ready for this? because this is, without a doubt, the most adorable thing I've ever heard a man say in my presence) "It was so good I almost wanted to cry". Aw man! As though there was anything missing to make him the most perfect man I've ever known, now he is not just loving my favorite books, but almost crying about it...which would be funny if it wasn't exactly the same way I feel about them. Oh, I say "books" because guess what he read last night? That would be the other book I lent him, "A Girl of the Limberlost". He loved this as well. He was clearly kind of embarrassed at the effect both of these books have had on him. I asked him what he thought (I was even more nervous for this one than DLL, as this book doesn't quite have the same effervescent happiness about it, and it DOES have that rather purple proposal scene in it) and he said "hmph. Ducky is right. I think I am a woman. I almost cried several times." I flat out told him that whatever Ducky may think, it is adorable that he says this. But after this apparently shameful admission of sentiment for the book, he just went with it and gushed. He said he wants to find a girl just like Elnora and then marry her. I said that made perfect sense. We discussed how she was absorbed into my psyche in my youth as the model of the ideal woman and what I wanted to grow up to be and he said THAT made perfect sense. While demurring again that he felt odd for liking these books so much, he also said he wants to buy them, and that if he ever has daughters they are going to be raised on them (freak! I love this man) and I told him that he isn't allowed to buy Daddy Long Legs. Why? Because. Why?? Ok, fine. Because I already got it for him, and it is in the mail. Oh wow! That's so nice of me! I know, isn't it? So, that is on its way. Not too much longer after this he had to go up to campus. But he said we would talk later. And he may be coming to blues tonight. First time in almost a year. I surely do hope he comes. I've never really blues danced with him. Do you like how I've given up even trying to get over him? Because it is useless. I'm just gonna go with it.
And that is really all the updating I have. It was Sergey's birthday yesterday. I went over and hung out with him for a few hours. We went and got a Digiorno frozen pizza and ate that while we tried to pick a movie to watch. Pretty typical Sergey. But it was nice. To be able to spend time with him on his birthday and even just to do something so very routine and typical. I got to play with his puppies which was fun. They're super cute. And its just nice, being with Sergey. I love that guy.
And now, I think I'm going to wrap this up and do a little drawing. ("You draw? Eh, I try"). And then read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which I'm rereading now, and loving even more than when I read it the first time. There is a particular feel to that book that makes it very...soothing. It is like the spirit of Zen permeates the very pages. Anyway. It should be a good day
*whenever I say "we" talked you must remember that this is DBFB Juan, so this actually means that he talks, with sporadic comments of assent from me, or even better, just little noises to assert that I'm listening intently
First, with the random of Sunday. See, having spent so much time with the Fella on Thursday and Saturday, I was suffering under an intense craving for more. I knew this was not such a good thing, so my impulse to call him and ask if he wanted to watch Little Women was unceremoniously squished (oh, by the way, on the girlfriend front--I've not asked, but the impression I've gotten from random comments he's made is that she is no more). But this resolution did lead to a general state of dissatisfaction and restlessness. It was one of those evenings when people keep coming over and really you just kind of wish that they would all let you be. Adding to the weird sense of weirdness was the fact that Lil' Brudder is back in town. Not that he's weird. But he came over Sunday afternoon and I had an odd realization. I am a hard person for someone like him to be friends with. Kandy is much easier. And he is following the path of least resistance. See, over the last year I have been Lil' Brudders confidant and I've witnessed all of his romantic foibles. Which has led to a whole heck of a lot of lecturing on my part. Every time he start jerking another girl around I let him have it. I expect a lot of my friends. And this has been hard on Lil' Brudder. I don't feel the least bit bad for anything I've given him, but I can see how he would have a hard time with it. Kandy, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of me. In fact, she has often of late made me feel vaguely uncomfortable for this same reason. What I mean is this. Kandy works people. She pleases. She flirts and flatters and fans the ego. And she's very good at it. Because she mixes in a lot of honesty with what she does. And I actually feel uncomfortable with how I've started to mistrust her. Because I like her, and I don't think she's really trying to hurt or even use any one. But something about the way she is is starting to leave me slightly...unsure. Anyway, the point is that she is very good at telling you what you want to hear. She doesn't make things hard or uncomfortable. And specifically, I think Lil' Brudder has started talking to her, rather than to me, because she doesn't make him feel bad about his bad behavior. Also, her naturally very bubbly "trying to please" personality matches his rather more than my less effervescent one does. This is fine. But it does make me a little sad. So Sunday night he came over, for the first time since he got back from Colorado, and they were sitting here in the living room talking all about these things that he'd clearly told her about but I knew nothing of. That is why I say it was weird. Anyway. So I was sitting here, trying to take part in the conversation, but not really feeling it when guess who should call me...again?
That's right! DBFB Juan! Clearly this boy wants to talk to me. Weird weird weird. This time I actually answered the phone ("Well, hi JON!" and suddenly Lil' Brudder and Kandy are both staring at me). I didn't really want to talk to him with those two hanging on every word, so I went outside. I'm thinking this is going to be a very short conversation, so I just start pacing around in my bare feet. Oh false. I not only walked up to campus, but all the way down to 700 to 400 N, over to 800 E and back up, and then over to 3rd E, and then finally back to CP and just laying on the grass. Yeah. we talked* for some two and a half hours. First he asked me what was new in my life and I really could not think of one single thing I could tell him that would interest him even in the least. So I told him, quite honestly, that I had nothing for him. Then I asked him how he was liking Texas, and other than school and flying, what did he do with himself. This put him onto what I think he's really been wanting to talk to me about, which is the book he's been reading. It is this book about the psychology of killing, and what it takes for a person to kill another, and what it means to them after they've done so (he's not this much of a psycho, I promise--he's planning on going into the air force so killing is a possibility in his future) It's funny. When talking to him about this book it is easy to forget just what he is. He really is very intelligent and expresses himself very well. And while some of his opinions are extreme, he has logical reasoning behind them. I can almost forget that this is the original DBFB that I'm talking to. Luckily, after we discussed the book for an hour, we then moved on to his favorite topic of discussion with me; all the girls in his life. We talked about The Russian, and how awesome she was. And we talked about the girls he's sort of interested in now. This carried the conversation for the last 45 minutes, and then I was happy to end the call. After 45 minutes of how gorgeous this girl is, and how awesome that girl is, I finally found a lull and quickly said "Well Juan, it has been really good talking to you, but sadly I must go. I've not eaten all day and its finally starting to catch up with me so I must go and feed myself" I confess that I am glad that I was the one who got to end the conversation. And as always, when I do something he doesn't approve of, he got all dismissive and quick "Oh, you haven't eaten? Well go eat! Yeah. Ok, bye." But he did say he would try to keep in better touch. Ha. Sure. And I honestly hope he doesn't. If I talk to him too much more often than our 2-4 month system we have now, I will probably not be able to maintain my neutral attitude toward his faults. Anyway. At least he distracted me from my restlessness, right? And I'm not gonna lie, snake that he is, it's still flattering that he has this bizarre attachment to me.
But let us leave the DBFB and move on to altogether more agreeable topics. Which is to say that Monday The Fella told me that Sunday night he read "Daddy Long Legs" (see, its good I didn't distract him so he could read it!). The thing is, even though I knew how much he loves "Little Women" I was still very nervous that he wasn't going to like these books I'd lent him. I thought he would think them silly and childish and unrealistic and just plain annoying. So as soon as he tells me that he read DLL I got all nervous. So what did you think of it, I ask nervously. I needn't have doubted him. "Delightful!" was his response. He was just as in love with the beautiful writing style and humor of the book as I. I know this because he said (now are you ready for this? because this is, without a doubt, the most adorable thing I've ever heard a man say in my presence) "It was so good I almost wanted to cry". Aw man! As though there was anything missing to make him the most perfect man I've ever known, now he is not just loving my favorite books, but almost crying about it...which would be funny if it wasn't exactly the same way I feel about them. Oh, I say "books" because guess what he read last night? That would be the other book I lent him, "A Girl of the Limberlost". He loved this as well. He was clearly kind of embarrassed at the effect both of these books have had on him. I asked him what he thought (I was even more nervous for this one than DLL, as this book doesn't quite have the same effervescent happiness about it, and it DOES have that rather purple proposal scene in it) and he said "hmph. Ducky is right. I think I am a woman. I almost cried several times." I flat out told him that whatever Ducky may think, it is adorable that he says this. But after this apparently shameful admission of sentiment for the book, he just went with it and gushed. He said he wants to find a girl just like Elnora and then marry her. I said that made perfect sense. We discussed how she was absorbed into my psyche in my youth as the model of the ideal woman and what I wanted to grow up to be and he said THAT made perfect sense. While demurring again that he felt odd for liking these books so much, he also said he wants to buy them, and that if he ever has daughters they are going to be raised on them (freak! I love this man) and I told him that he isn't allowed to buy Daddy Long Legs. Why? Because. Why?? Ok, fine. Because I already got it for him, and it is in the mail. Oh wow! That's so nice of me! I know, isn't it? So, that is on its way. Not too much longer after this he had to go up to campus. But he said we would talk later. And he may be coming to blues tonight. First time in almost a year. I surely do hope he comes. I've never really blues danced with him. Do you like how I've given up even trying to get over him? Because it is useless. I'm just gonna go with it.
And that is really all the updating I have. It was Sergey's birthday yesterday. I went over and hung out with him for a few hours. We went and got a Digiorno frozen pizza and ate that while we tried to pick a movie to watch. Pretty typical Sergey. But it was nice. To be able to spend time with him on his birthday and even just to do something so very routine and typical. I got to play with his puppies which was fun. They're super cute. And its just nice, being with Sergey. I love that guy.
And now, I think I'm going to wrap this up and do a little drawing. ("You draw? Eh, I try"). And then read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which I'm rereading now, and loving even more than when I read it the first time. There is a particular feel to that book that makes it very...soothing. It is like the spirit of Zen permeates the very pages. Anyway. It should be a good day
*whenever I say "we" talked you must remember that this is DBFB Juan, so this actually means that he talks, with sporadic comments of assent from me, or even better, just little noises to assert that I'm listening intently