[ORIGINAL COMPOSITION/FIC] (Baseball) Restless
Yesterday I posted that I wrote my original composition..... on baseball + barry + mark. Well, here it is. 35 mins for planning and writing, minus proofreading. So yeah, some parts won't make sense since I was thinking about what to write as I wrote.
INSTRUCTION: Write a multi-paragraph composition on the topic below. In addressing the topic, consider all possibilities. You may draw support from the experiences of others or from any aspect of your life: your reading and your experiences. Remember, you do not have to accept the basic premise of the statement.
TOPIC: A good life does not have to be complex.
WORD COUNT: 500 (yes exactly, which is totally scary. like scary) IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE 300. I better not go crazy and write over because I'll be screwed and they won't mark anything over 330 or so. >.>
NOTES: I found a few more spelling mistake as I type/read this just now. (ETA 12/06/09: Edits are marked with red after I re-read it.)
TEACHER'S COMMENTS: The ending is weak in the comparison to the good description in the middle. 5(+) (5/6) There's good potential here but the beginning is a bit confusing/awkward!
Barry and Mark lay restlessly on Barry's sofa, each with a can of drink in their hand. Both of them are staring mindlessly at the television and are not really watching the show. For the past few days, they have been moping around in Barry's apartment, hoping something interesting would magically appear, so that they could actually make themselves busy. Life without baseball is boring for those two, for baseball is everything to them. It is like a drug: once they are hooked onto it, they will continue to need more. Baseball occupies them, with its busy schedule of going to ballparks, meeting with the media, or flying to places to get to another city. Although the baseball life is a lot of work, Barry and Mark do not mind it at all, as long as they can play and satisfy their addiction.
Now, it is Barry and Mark's off-season. They have planned to visit their respective families during their time off, but they scrapped their plans after losing the motivation to go anywhere. Mark finishes the last of his drink and aimlessly tosses the empty can towards the garbage can bin beside Barry, but instead misses. , and tThe can hits Barry's head, causing Barry to yelp in pain. As Barry recovers, he laughs and tells Mark that his aim has worsened and Mark should practice his pitching before Spring Training starts. Mark waves off Barry's remark and doesn't take it to heart since he knows his friend is joking. Besides, Mark is thinking of the trips he can take and places he can go to so he can fill up his off-season schedule. In his mind, Mark can see himself jumping out of a plane, like a madman trying to escape from his prison, while Barry, still on the plane, is shrinking away like a mouse. Even though it is just a thought, Mark's creativity has provided Mark him with quite a laugh. Mark is content that he can rest his body during the break, but he misses the way a baseball fits into the curve of his palm perfectly or the distinct smell of leather form his glove as he is ready to throw his pitch. Just thinking about the upcoming season has Mark all giddy and energised. Mark opens his eyes from his nostalgic moment to find Barry staring at him. Mark slightly nods, as he understands that Barry also feels the same way. The lying around and being a "couch potato" all day long may be enough for some people. But for them, the busier their life gets, the more they look forward to their next challenge.
Barry slides off his sofa and expertly avoids the garbage on the floor as he gets a closer look at the calendar. He turns and looks back at Mark and grins at him before looking at the calendar and crossing another day off. Soon, Barry and Mark will be able to again, live the good life that they have dreamt of since their childhood.
woot. 5.5/6. Hopefully I can do this well on the provincial. :D
Also: They all thought this was a gay story, which ends up being called "gay porn" by Kiwi. Linus thought it was Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire. ROFL.
INSTRUCTION: Write a multi-paragraph composition on the topic below. In addressing the topic, consider all possibilities. You may draw support from the experiences of others or from any aspect of your life: your reading and your experiences. Remember, you do not have to accept the basic premise of the statement.
TOPIC: A good life does not have to be complex.
WORD COUNT: 500 (yes exactly, which is totally scary. like scary) IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE 300. I better not go crazy and write over because I'll be screwed and they won't mark anything over 330 or so. >.>
NOTES: I found a few more spelling mistake as I type/read this just now. (ETA 12/06/09: Edits are marked with red after I re-read it.)
TEACHER'S COMMENTS: The ending is weak in the comparison to the good description in the middle. 5(+) (5/6) There's good potential here but the beginning is a bit confusing/awkward!
Barry and Mark lay restlessly on Barry's sofa, each with a can of drink in their hand. Both of them are staring mindlessly at the television and are not really watching the show. For the past few days, they have been moping around in Barry's apartment, hoping something interesting would magically appear, so that they could actually make themselves busy. Life without baseball is boring for those two, for baseball is everything to them. It is like a drug: once they are hooked onto it, they will continue to need more. Baseball occupies them, with its busy schedule of going to ballparks, meeting with the media, or flying to places to get to another city. Although the baseball life is a lot of work, Barry and Mark do not mind it at all, as long as they can play and satisfy their addiction.
Now, it is Barry and Mark's off-season. They have planned to visit their respective families during their time off, but they scrapped their plans after losing the motivation to go anywhere. Mark finishes the last of his drink and aimlessly tosses the empty can towards the garbage can bin beside Barry, but instead misses. , and tThe can hits Barry's head, causing Barry to yelp in pain. As Barry recovers, he laughs and tells Mark that his aim has worsened and Mark should practice his pitching before Spring Training starts. Mark waves off Barry's remark and doesn't take it to heart since he knows his friend is joking. Besides, Mark is thinking of the trips he can take and places he can go to so he can fill up his off-season schedule. In his mind, Mark can see himself jumping out of a plane, like a madman trying to escape from his prison, while Barry, still on the plane, is shrinking away like a mouse. Even though it is just a thought, Mark's creativity has provided Mark him with quite a laugh. Mark is content that he can rest his body during the break, but he misses the way a baseball fits into the curve of his palm perfectly or the distinct smell of leather form his glove as he is ready to throw his pitch. Just thinking about the upcoming season has Mark all giddy and energised. Mark opens his eyes from his nostalgic moment to find Barry staring at him. Mark slightly nods, as he understands that Barry also feels the same way. The lying around and being a "couch potato" all day long may be enough for some people. But for them, the busier their life gets, the more they look forward to their next challenge.
Barry slides off his sofa and expertly avoids the garbage on the floor as he gets a closer look at the calendar. He turns and looks back at Mark and grins at him before looking at the calendar and crossing another day off. Soon, Barry and Mark will be able to again, live the good life that they have dreamt of since their childhood.
woot. 5.5/6. Hopefully I can do this well on the provincial. :D
Also: They all thought this was a gay story, which ends up being called "gay porn" by Kiwi. Linus thought it was Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire. ROFL.