(no subject)
again, i posted this to the community:
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I'm so upset, shaky, and in such pain...
I ended up smoking and got the munchies...but I hate so much, I've been trying so hard not to throw up but i'm in so much pain...I had a maple croissant sandwhich, baagel with cream cheese,and a glazed donut from dunkin donuts, a soft taco from taco bell, a packet of ramen, two 60 cal packets of oyster crackers, a cup of cocoa puffs with milk, and 140 cals worth of special k with milk...
please, it hurts so much and water just makes it worse...should i just throw up and get it out of me and over with? i'm so upset right now, i'm shaking and trying not to cry. i keep telling myself its just one binge, it's not the end of the world, but i'm in so much pain, i've only been eating around 500 cals a day the past week, my stomach can't handle this...any help would be greatly appreciated, I just don't know what else to do or where else to go...words just can't describe how i feel right now...i just want my stomach to stop hurting....
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I'm falling apart....why does this hurt so bad? I lost control...and now I don't know what to do. I don't ever want to eat again. I hate living life this! Everything seems to be going wrong. I'm so out of control. I never wanted to be like this. why can't I be normal?? I feel so alone. I feel like I'm trapped! I'm scared...I feel worthless. I feel fat. I'm disgusting. I want to curl up and die, but just laying there reminds me of how much pain i'm in. I want it to pass but it won't. I don't want to throw up because I'm afraid i'll end up in the hospital again.
i've figured out what this is.
this is fat
this is pain
this is hell
this was control
...and this is a loss of control
i want to be happy and thin...is that so much to ask for? No more pain...no more fat...please, i only want happiness. I'm tired of this! I tired of fighting. How long can this go on for? Once my stomach goes back to normal after this binge, then what? I'm just going to be hungry, so hungry it hurts, but of course i'm not going to be able to eat....it's just going to eat away at me. i'll hurt, again. but i'll say its for the best. hungry is only nice when you're skinny. when you're fat, like i am, it just only add to your problems...i dont know what to do or what to say anymore. except,
i hate myself, and i hate this disease.
--------------------------------
I'm so upset, shaky, and in such pain...
I ended up smoking and got the munchies...but I hate so much, I've been trying so hard not to throw up but i'm in so much pain...I had a maple croissant sandwhich, baagel with cream cheese,and a glazed donut from dunkin donuts, a soft taco from taco bell, a packet of ramen, two 60 cal packets of oyster crackers, a cup of cocoa puffs with milk, and 140 cals worth of special k with milk...
please, it hurts so much and water just makes it worse...should i just throw up and get it out of me and over with? i'm so upset right now, i'm shaking and trying not to cry. i keep telling myself its just one binge, it's not the end of the world, but i'm in so much pain, i've only been eating around 500 cals a day the past week, my stomach can't handle this...any help would be greatly appreciated, I just don't know what else to do or where else to go...words just can't describe how i feel right now...i just want my stomach to stop hurting....
--------------------------------------
I'm falling apart....why does this hurt so bad? I lost control...and now I don't know what to do. I don't ever want to eat again. I hate living life this! Everything seems to be going wrong. I'm so out of control. I never wanted to be like this. why can't I be normal?? I feel so alone. I feel like I'm trapped! I'm scared...I feel worthless. I feel fat. I'm disgusting. I want to curl up and die, but just laying there reminds me of how much pain i'm in. I want it to pass but it won't. I don't want to throw up because I'm afraid i'll end up in the hospital again.
i've figured out what this is.
this is fat
this is pain
this is hell
this was control
...and this is a loss of control
i want to be happy and thin...is that so much to ask for? No more pain...no more fat...please, i only want happiness. I'm tired of this! I tired of fighting. How long can this go on for? Once my stomach goes back to normal after this binge, then what? I'm just going to be hungry, so hungry it hurts, but of course i'm not going to be able to eat....it's just going to eat away at me. i'll hurt, again. but i'll say its for the best. hungry is only nice when you're skinny. when you're fat, like i am, it just only add to your problems...i dont know what to do or what to say anymore. except,
i hate myself, and i hate this disease.