Tales of Winter from the Far, Far South
I.
It snowed an inch overnight.
DC schools: 2 hour delay.
Fairfax County schools: outright canceled.
The collective inhabitants of the District of Columbia, the state of Virginia, and probably Maryland as well: utter flaming panic chaos.
Me: exploiting that chaos for my own personal gain.
II.
It's about 20, 25 degrees Farenheit, perhaps 15 if you account for wind chill. I'm feeling pretty bundled in my wool peacoat, gloves, and light scarf, when some crazy lady outside the metro... who is wearing an ankle-length duck down arctic expedition jacket complete with giant furry hood, extra hat, giant wooly scarf and arctic expedition gloves... starts fluttering at me for being inappropriately dressed for the weather and don't young people these days have any brains.
I look at her... wait politely until she's done... and announce "I'm Canadian" before walking away.
I'm pretty sure she tries to follow me and continue her lecture, but she is less good at running on icy patches than I am, and I manage to lose her in the panicking crowd.
III.
"Miss B, it's so cold out! How come you aren't wearing a coat?"
"First of all, child, we are literally walking twenty feet across the playground from one building to the other. Second of all, the sun is out and it's not even that cold out."
...
"I mean yes it's cold out don't do what I do I am setting a horrible example ANTHONY ZIP YOUR COAT UP."
III.
"Okay, kids, since we're having some nice snowy weather this week, I thought we could use these snowflake stickers to help model what perimeter and area - "
"NOOOOOOO NOT MORE SNOW NOOOO SNOW ICK ACK BAD UGH ARGH NOOOOOO"
"...are you sure you're actual, genuine 8-year-olds?"
IV.
The grocery stores and Target are utter screaming panic chaos right now. It would be funny if I didn't need to go there too. However, in my case it's routine pantry and cleaning supply re-stocking as opposed to apocalypse prevention. And I, unlike the flailing, gibbering individuals who are grabbing every gallon of milk off the shelves, know exactly how many provisions I need to acquire in order to get through a 24-hour blizzard and the two days of plowing that follow. And I also know that, in anticipation of a blizzard with wind gusts of up to 60mph, it's probably smarter to stock up on bread and bottled water. Just saying. But I guess everyone else will figure that out soon enough. In the meantime, more for me.
V.
Step one: retrieve car brush from car.
Step two: retrieve car shovel from trunk.
Step three: place windshield wipers in vertical position.
Step four: get extremely odd looks from neighbors.
Step five: gloat internally over how utterly screwed everyone else will be come morning.
It snowed an inch overnight.
DC schools: 2 hour delay.
Fairfax County schools: outright canceled.
The collective inhabitants of the District of Columbia, the state of Virginia, and probably Maryland as well: utter flaming panic chaos.
Me: exploiting that chaos for my own personal gain.
II.
It's about 20, 25 degrees Farenheit, perhaps 15 if you account for wind chill. I'm feeling pretty bundled in my wool peacoat, gloves, and light scarf, when some crazy lady outside the metro... who is wearing an ankle-length duck down arctic expedition jacket complete with giant furry hood, extra hat, giant wooly scarf and arctic expedition gloves... starts fluttering at me for being inappropriately dressed for the weather and don't young people these days have any brains.
I look at her... wait politely until she's done... and announce "I'm Canadian" before walking away.
I'm pretty sure she tries to follow me and continue her lecture, but she is less good at running on icy patches than I am, and I manage to lose her in the panicking crowd.
III.
"Miss B, it's so cold out! How come you aren't wearing a coat?"
"First of all, child, we are literally walking twenty feet across the playground from one building to the other. Second of all, the sun is out and it's not even that cold out."
...
"I mean yes it's cold out don't do what I do I am setting a horrible example ANTHONY ZIP YOUR COAT UP."
III.
"Okay, kids, since we're having some nice snowy weather this week, I thought we could use these snowflake stickers to help model what perimeter and area - "
"NOOOOOOO NOT MORE SNOW NOOOO SNOW ICK ACK BAD UGH ARGH NOOOOOO"
"...are you sure you're actual, genuine 8-year-olds?"
IV.
The grocery stores and Target are utter screaming panic chaos right now. It would be funny if I didn't need to go there too. However, in my case it's routine pantry and cleaning supply re-stocking as opposed to apocalypse prevention. And I, unlike the flailing, gibbering individuals who are grabbing every gallon of milk off the shelves, know exactly how many provisions I need to acquire in order to get through a 24-hour blizzard and the two days of plowing that follow. And I also know that, in anticipation of a blizzard with wind gusts of up to 60mph, it's probably smarter to stock up on bread and bottled water. Just saying. But I guess everyone else will figure that out soon enough. In the meantime, more for me.
V.
Step one: retrieve car brush from car.
Step two: retrieve car shovel from trunk.
Step three: place windshield wipers in vertical position.
Step four: get extremely odd looks from neighbors.
Step five: gloat internally over how utterly screwed everyone else will be come morning.