Update? What's that? oh. It's that kind of update is it?
Ok, lots of stuff has happened to me since my birthday, as my birthday party was like, the most amazing peice of awesome =) I was so glad that all of my friends could come, bar the odd few but I knew that they had valid reasons. We spent it at the Bierkeller in Bristol and I was dressed up as Marty Mcfly. My friends went as other random fandoms, we had a Kuzco, A Hatter and March Hare, a Rufus and an Android 18 and many more besides.
The down side to the party was I became very drunk - very quick, something that I've never done before. My problem with drinking is I tend to drink a vodka redbull as quick as I do a cola. Meaning that after four of those - two vodka shots, a vodka kick with a shot of pure vodka and an absthine shot I was gone, and that was without the "drink of kings" southern comfort with lemon and lime"
The end result of this drinking was me being a very bubbly little lady, and falling pretty much into a mode of despair, crying after telling everyone how much I love them and appreiate them.
I didn't know really where that started. I know I'm a happy drunk - but the whole always telling people I love them thing, I never used to do that...not even when I was sober. I think it really started when my friend Keith died. I only told him that I loved him the last day I saw him alive, and by then he I didn't know what he thought of me because he was so ill he could barely speak. I never got to say goodbye properly to my granddad either, or Faye - Keith's girlfriend and I guess, being alone is one of those things that I fear most in the world.
Aside from that depressing discussion, I left friday bubbly though through tears, hugging my friends desperately telling them how much I cared before being taken home. The next morning I suffered, bad, but no vomit though I wish I could have done, might of made it easier to live through the weekend.
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Aside from my birthday the events after I felt really down. I don't really know why but I guess I am sort of...battling with my emotions at the moment. Things that I don't know how to talk to people about it, and as much as I would love to talk to my parents about it, I'm afraid of being shunned because that is what happened last time I mentioned such a thing...I would hate to be a disappointment to them.
That and the person I have feelings for, well...that's complicated enough without the previous matter. I guess at the moment I'm a bundle of emotions and the only thing that is keeping me sane is Avalon - drawing, anime soc/BAC and my friends at Uni. Though I did feel really anxious when I was talking to alot of them yesterday. I know they like to pick fun at me - heck, I usually enjoy it. But I wasn't particularly enjoying the subject at hand due to my previous paragraph. =/
I hope I feel better about all this. I didn't mean to make a upseting post but I guess it just got a load off of my chest that I didn't know was building until I started to write.
I hope everyone who is reading this is well, and I will talk to them soon. Oh, and Bower Aston Students, or UWE for that matter vote for Jack Norris =)