Ralroost, Tuesday Fandom time
The Ralroost was about as much home as anyplace to Jaina these days, but there didn't seem to be anything normal or welcoming about it when the transport docked and let her out. She didn't even have time to put her things in her room. A porter did that for her as General Farlander met her to take her to Admiral Kre'fey's office, still in uniform, as requested.
The weird part was that Farlander came with her into the office. Jaina couldn't imagine what sort of bad news should be doled out with another of her commanding officers in the room, but she tried not to let her nerves show. She'd spent the whole trip over trying not to think of who it could be. She knew she'd know if it was her mother. Her father, less so, though she had no doubt that Leia would have contacted her personally. Luke or Mara, she thought she'd know. Maybe Ben. She hadn't spent that much time with him here, wasn't sure she had enough of a bond with him to know if something would have happened to him. Maybe no one was dead. Maybe they were simply captured, in which case death might be preferable for them.
It hadn't been a fun trip.
Upon greeting her, the Bothan admiral stepped directly in front of Jaina and paused, and she tried not to hold her breath. "I wished to see you in comparative privacy in order that I might give you some news of your family," he began.
And here it was. Yet another loss that was probably going to rip right through her. Jaina braced herself for whatever it was he was about to say...
"Your brother Jacen has escaped the enemy and has arrived safely on Mon Calamari," Kre'fey went on. "When you have a chance to catch up with your personal messages, no doubt you'll hear the story in more detail."
....and she was still pretty sure she couldn't have heard him right.
For a moment all she could do was stare, feeling a sort of icy sensation that made everything suddenly feel surreal. And then she began talking, without any clue exactly what she was trying to say. "Are you sure, sir? I saw him, and the Yuuzhan Vong- I was there-"
"Of course it's true. Your brother's been on the holonews- he's very much alive."
Still stunned, her first question was why didn't she know It was Jacen. She'd always been able to feel Jacen. With a galaxy between them she'd been able to feel him blink out, and he'd know when something was wrong with her and call to check up. She'd spent six months insisting that he was dead, that Leia was simply in denial, and she'd believed it because he wasn't there.
But, she realized, she'd shut him out. She'd shut everyone out. It'd just become easier to push people away, especially the ones closest to her. She'd done it with Karal, she was doing that with her grandfather, and she'd done it to Jacen.
And at any point in time, he could have been wondering why he couldn't feel her.
Apparently she wasn't looking at her best, because Farlander asked, "Would you like to sit down, Jaina?" No "Major", just Jaina right now.
"Yes," she said. "If I may."
She found a chair, taking a seat and trying to shake off some of the stun. "Thank you, Admiral," she said, finally remembering her manners. "I appreciate you telling me this way."
"It was the least I could do," Kre'fey said, and then took a seat, turning the conversation back to business like this was any other strategy meeting.
*****
It still didn't feel real and Jaina wasn't entirely sure she could really truly believe any of it until she actually saw Jacen with her own two eyes. It helped that work was to become a distraction again; despite the fact that she'd been called in on a personal matter, Kre'fey was ready to send Twin Suns back into action around Kashyyyk, aboard another ship where they'd be taking quarters for the time being. Upon getting to her room, Jaina immediately knew that she had work to do, and people to call, but first she had to check something.
Her message crèche had filled up, but she was really only looking for one thing. The message from Jacen, which was right there, just waiting for her.
For a moment she had no idea what to do with it.
Her hands were shaking as she set the message up to play, and in an instant, there he was, a small blue holoprojection. She couldn't sense him, but she could see him just as he was. And he kind of looked like hell.
"Hi," he greeted her. "I'm back from the dead."
Jacen proceeded to tell her that he'd been captured by the Yuuzhan Vong and rescued by Vergere- ...Vergere? Seriously?- but didn't give details. She wouldn't have wanted to hear those on a recording anyway. "I'm sorry I didn't try to contact you through our twin bond," he went on. "You were in my thoughts the whole time. But I knew that the Yuuzhan Vong wanted you to try and rescue me- they were ready for it. They wanted to sacrifice us both in a special ceremony. So my greatest chance of staying alive was to keep you as far from me as possible. I hope you've been all right while I've been away. It must have been bad enough knowing that Anakin was dead without thinking that I was gone as well." There was a pause, the hesitation of someone who knew her too well. "I know you're too sensible to get into anything really hurtful, but I hope you're well, and I hope we'll be able to talk soon. Tell Lowie and everyone hi. Take care. I love you."
She had no idea how she felt after seeing that. She felt less guilty about not trying to contact him through their bond, but the reason that he hadn't added new issues on top of the old ones. And he had to know at least some of what she'd done. She'd been snapping before Anakin was killed, and he'd seen her afterwards. It wasn't going to be a story she wanted to tell, that was for sure.
She checked the rest of her messages (thereby learning that due to running into her parents, Jag had known before she did), and debated her next step. There were things she needed to deal with and talk out. Avoidance didn't work on this. She didn't know when she was going to see Jacen, but she needed a clear head for it.
However she was supposed to manage that.
[NFB, NFI, OOC okaaaaaaay. Dialogue from Destiny's Way by Walter Jon Williams. This has been a presentation of "...How should I feel about this?" theater.]
The weird part was that Farlander came with her into the office. Jaina couldn't imagine what sort of bad news should be doled out with another of her commanding officers in the room, but she tried not to let her nerves show. She'd spent the whole trip over trying not to think of who it could be. She knew she'd know if it was her mother. Her father, less so, though she had no doubt that Leia would have contacted her personally. Luke or Mara, she thought she'd know. Maybe Ben. She hadn't spent that much time with him here, wasn't sure she had enough of a bond with him to know if something would have happened to him. Maybe no one was dead. Maybe they were simply captured, in which case death might be preferable for them.
It hadn't been a fun trip.
Upon greeting her, the Bothan admiral stepped directly in front of Jaina and paused, and she tried not to hold her breath. "I wished to see you in comparative privacy in order that I might give you some news of your family," he began.
And here it was. Yet another loss that was probably going to rip right through her. Jaina braced herself for whatever it was he was about to say...
"Your brother Jacen has escaped the enemy and has arrived safely on Mon Calamari," Kre'fey went on. "When you have a chance to catch up with your personal messages, no doubt you'll hear the story in more detail."
....and she was still pretty sure she couldn't have heard him right.
For a moment all she could do was stare, feeling a sort of icy sensation that made everything suddenly feel surreal. And then she began talking, without any clue exactly what she was trying to say. "Are you sure, sir? I saw him, and the Yuuzhan Vong- I was there-"
"Of course it's true. Your brother's been on the holonews- he's very much alive."
Still stunned, her first question was why didn't she know It was Jacen. She'd always been able to feel Jacen. With a galaxy between them she'd been able to feel him blink out, and he'd know when something was wrong with her and call to check up. She'd spent six months insisting that he was dead, that Leia was simply in denial, and she'd believed it because he wasn't there.
But, she realized, she'd shut him out. She'd shut everyone out. It'd just become easier to push people away, especially the ones closest to her. She'd done it with Karal, she was doing that with her grandfather, and she'd done it to Jacen.
And at any point in time, he could have been wondering why he couldn't feel her.
Apparently she wasn't looking at her best, because Farlander asked, "Would you like to sit down, Jaina?" No "Major", just Jaina right now.
"Yes," she said. "If I may."
She found a chair, taking a seat and trying to shake off some of the stun. "Thank you, Admiral," she said, finally remembering her manners. "I appreciate you telling me this way."
"It was the least I could do," Kre'fey said, and then took a seat, turning the conversation back to business like this was any other strategy meeting.
*****
It still didn't feel real and Jaina wasn't entirely sure she could really truly believe any of it until she actually saw Jacen with her own two eyes. It helped that work was to become a distraction again; despite the fact that she'd been called in on a personal matter, Kre'fey was ready to send Twin Suns back into action around Kashyyyk, aboard another ship where they'd be taking quarters for the time being. Upon getting to her room, Jaina immediately knew that she had work to do, and people to call, but first she had to check something.
Her message crèche had filled up, but she was really only looking for one thing. The message from Jacen, which was right there, just waiting for her.
For a moment she had no idea what to do with it.
Her hands were shaking as she set the message up to play, and in an instant, there he was, a small blue holoprojection. She couldn't sense him, but she could see him just as he was. And he kind of looked like hell.
"Hi," he greeted her. "I'm back from the dead."
Jacen proceeded to tell her that he'd been captured by the Yuuzhan Vong and rescued by Vergere- ...Vergere? Seriously?- but didn't give details. She wouldn't have wanted to hear those on a recording anyway. "I'm sorry I didn't try to contact you through our twin bond," he went on. "You were in my thoughts the whole time. But I knew that the Yuuzhan Vong wanted you to try and rescue me- they were ready for it. They wanted to sacrifice us both in a special ceremony. So my greatest chance of staying alive was to keep you as far from me as possible. I hope you've been all right while I've been away. It must have been bad enough knowing that Anakin was dead without thinking that I was gone as well." There was a pause, the hesitation of someone who knew her too well. "I know you're too sensible to get into anything really hurtful, but I hope you're well, and I hope we'll be able to talk soon. Tell Lowie and everyone hi. Take care. I love you."
She had no idea how she felt after seeing that. She felt less guilty about not trying to contact him through their bond, but the reason that he hadn't added new issues on top of the old ones. And he had to know at least some of what she'd done. She'd been snapping before Anakin was killed, and he'd seen her afterwards. It wasn't going to be a story she wanted to tell, that was for sure.
She checked the rest of her messages (thereby learning that due to running into her parents, Jag had known before she did), and debated her next step. There were things she needed to deal with and talk out. Avoidance didn't work on this. She didn't know when she was going to see Jacen, but she needed a clear head for it.
However she was supposed to manage that.
[NFB, NFI, OOC okaaaaaaay. Dialogue from Destiny's Way by Walter Jon Williams. This has been a presentation of "...How should I feel about this?" theater.]