Tahiri's apartment- Coruscant- Thursday
It shouldn't have been a surprise that things started changing right after Luke left, but it was. It had been decided that part of the people's problem with Jedi came from lack of transparency, and therefore they were being forced to participate in a documentary detailing their lives, and for all the trashy daytime TV Jaina had watched when she was home and bored in her Fandom apartments, she didn't actually want to be on any kind of reality show. Even worse, Daala had declared that all Jedi would be accompanied by government observers to "remind them of their local laws." Kenth Hamner had already begun talking with Nawara Ven about legal proceedings to get that ended, but until then no one was happy.
And with that sort of thing came a desire to be more proactive, which was why Jaina and Jag headed to an apartment building not far from the Temple.
"How did you manage to get free of your Head of State duties?" Jaina wondered as they walked down the hall to find the right apartment.
"Most of what my delegation does is negotiate insanely minute points," he said, sounding thrilled, really. "I let my advisers and advocates do that, and at the end of the day I veto every decision they've made. Thus is the balance of power between ruler and bureaucrat maintained. In the meantime, I get to spend my day with you. And I tell my bodyguard you're protecting me. That's where your ferocious Jedi reputation helps me."
Jaina shook her head as she rang the doorchime for the apartment. "The system is unimaginably broken."
"But fun," Jag said.
The door slid open, but no one was there. There was a short hall, and Jaina could have sworn she smelled freshly cut grass, which had her giving Jag a confused look before they stepped inside, the door sliding shut behind them. Inside, the lighting was done up to shine exactly like sunlight, and yes, the floor was covered in grass. The room was even decorated in patio furniture.
Oh, Tahiri. Never change.
She stood up from a lounge chair when Jag and Jaina arrived, looking a bit wary to see them. "Jedi Solo, Colonel- I mean, Head of State Fel."
Jaina tried not to feel too weird about that. Jag could greet her in his usual manner and that was fine, because he and Tahiri had never been close. She and Jaina had.
"Please, sit down," Tahiri said. "Can I get you anything? Caf, water-"
"No, thank you," Jaina said, and the three of them found seats. And, unable to help herself, Jaina gestured to the grass and said, "Please tell me that your refresher doesn't have a dirt floor."
Tahiri seemed to relax at that, and even smiled. "No, perfectly normal tile," she said, and shrugged. "I've always preferred being barefoot to wearing shoes…but most places aren't that comfortable. Overheated permacrete, carpets where they glare at you for tracking in dirt… Now that I have some credits to spend, I decided I wanted a home where I could be comfortable. And this is much nicer than Tatooine desert sand." Which was course and got everywhere, you know.
"Now that you have credits and aren't living by anyone else's rules," Jaina said.
"That's right."
Jag leaned forward. "We're here to ask you a few questions about Jacen Solo."
Tahiri frowned at him. "You really don't need to say Jacen Solo. When his sister comes to talk to his former apprentice and Jacen is mentioned, I'm not going to suppose you mean some Jacen who waits tables."
"Of course," Jag said, abashed, and looked to Jaina. "In informal circumstances, I really am redundant and stuffy, aren't I?"
Jaina nodded. "Yes, but you're pretty," she said, turning back to Tahiri. "You've heard about the Grand Master and his sentence."
"I heard about his farewell," Tahiri nodded. "I thought about going, but I was pretty sure I wouldn't be welcome."
"Not by everyone," Jaina conceded. There wasn't any point in lying. "We're trying to get a better handle on Jacen's thought processes. What made him turn. When he turned. It's all part of an effort to help the Grand Master- to help Uncle Luke- make his case for his return to Coruscant."
"People have been trying to understand Jacen for two years," Tahiri sighed "No, people have been trying to understand him since we were apprentices. Since you two and Anakin were children together. They've been coming to me since he died. Jedi and government investigators and doctors and the press."
That sounded pretty awful. Jaina had had her share of uncomfortable press situations over the last couple years, but she couldn't imagine having to deal with it when you were coming back from being a Sith and constantly being asked about it. "Any friends among them?"
Not that Jaina felt guilty for not reaching out to her more or anything.
"I'm not sure I have any friends," Tahiri said matter-of-factly. "Not that I blame anyone for that. Anyone but Jacen and myself."
"You're not likely to make any, either, as a bounty hunter," Jaina said bluntly. "You need to come back to the Order, Tahiri."
"Not until I know who I am. What I am," Tahiri said. "I've been more things than I can count. Tatooine girl, adopted Tusken Raider, Jedi, Yuuzhan Vong hybrid, Sith apprentice… I've got to get rid of all of them for a while. Learn how to hear myself think."
Jag nodded. "So think about Jacen. What have you figured out about him that you haven't told anyone? Details too subtle or seemingly inconsequential, information that nobody else ever asked about."
Tahiri thought about it for a moment. "I can't tell you when he became a Sith. Only that it might not be important when he did, or even that he did. I think Sith was just another thing, another set of armor and weapons and disguises, that he put on top of Jacen. Like 'Jedi,' or 'Solo.' He was always Jacen… until he rejected that too, and became Caedus."
"You're saying that it doesn't matter when he became a Sith?" Jaina asked. She'd been trying to figure out the answer to that question since before he became one.
"Something like that. I think it matters more when Jacen broke. Maybe he broke when Vergere tortured him for all that time. Maybe he broke when he was a kid, when he and you and Anakin kept being handed off to nannies and protectors while your mother and father were off doing other things." She raised a hand to preemptively stop whatever it was Jaina was already opening her mouth to say. "I'm not criticizing. They were being pulled in too many directions at once, by too many responsibilities, and when that happens, something gives." She frowned, looking like she was trying to figure something out. "I think maybe he broke at some other thing, whenever it was he decided that the galaxy was a huge, nasty place that had to be tamed. Whatever gave him the idea, it made such an awful impression that he had to become even more awful to confront it."
"You don't think Lumiya broke him," Jag said.
"I think she shaped him." Now Tahiri looked vulnerable, like she was really opening up to them. "I've been broken. I was broken by the Yuuzhan Vong. I broke when Anakin died. Every time you break, outside forces can shape you, and you can't do anything to stop them. No, I don't think it matters when Jacen became a Sith. I think it matters when he broke."
Jag and Jaina looked at each other. "That's an interesting theory," Jaina said.
Tahiri laughed, just a little bitterly. "Solo-speak for That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"No, I'm serious," Jaina assured her. There was a lot in that that made sense to her. "I'll pass it on to the Grand Master. Right or wrong, it suggests some avenues of investigation we haven't considered."
"Oh. Thank you."
They didn't stay too long after that, because a regular visit was a little strange after you'd just questioned someone you didn't really talk to anymore about her most recent trauma. And that just made Jaina weirdly sad. On her way out, she impulsively hugged Tahiri, because she missed her, and no one should have to go through the things she'd gone through, and because all Tahiris everywhere could probably benefit from more hugs.
"I'm afraid I can't find a way to forgive her so easily," Jag admitted as they walked to the turbolift. "She assassinated a man I respected very highly."
"I had a lot of respect for Admiral Pellaeon, too. But who really killed him? The woman we just talked to, who's trying to find her way back from a very dark place, or the woman of two years ago?"
"One descends from the other. They're inextricably linked." Jag pushed the button for the turbolift car and asked, "Does someone shed all responsibility for what she's done when she suddenly decides it was wrong?"
"Neither one of us has ever been broken the way she has." What Tahiri had said really had made Jaina think, and she and Jag had been through plenty. He'd lost siblings to war, lost his career and family and nearly his life because of Jaina and had to build himself back up from nothing. It was probably a wonder that Jaina didn't spend most days crying under her bed after some of what she'd been through. But Tahiri had barely had time to breathe between traumas during the Vong War, when she was very young, and while the hits had slowed down, they never really stopped coming. There had to be some truth to her words. "Maybe we're too hardheaded, or too stupid, or we've just never run into anything that could damage our core selves the way it happened to her. How do you know what we'd be capable of doing in her situation?"
Jag thought about it, and finally shrugged. "The Jedi have more faith in redemption than I do. I'm not saying my way is best. Just that I'm not sure I could do what you do. Forgive something that monstrous."
Well, he hadn't grown up in her family. "I hope I never make a really big mistake in your presence then."
[NFB, NFI, go ahead and leave some OOC if you want. Dialogue and a couple lines taken from Outcast by Aaron Allston, and I kinda think this entire series was worth it if only for Tahiri.]
And with that sort of thing came a desire to be more proactive, which was why Jaina and Jag headed to an apartment building not far from the Temple.
"How did you manage to get free of your Head of State duties?" Jaina wondered as they walked down the hall to find the right apartment.
"Most of what my delegation does is negotiate insanely minute points," he said, sounding thrilled, really. "I let my advisers and advocates do that, and at the end of the day I veto every decision they've made. Thus is the balance of power between ruler and bureaucrat maintained. In the meantime, I get to spend my day with you. And I tell my bodyguard you're protecting me. That's where your ferocious Jedi reputation helps me."
Jaina shook her head as she rang the doorchime for the apartment. "The system is unimaginably broken."
"But fun," Jag said.
The door slid open, but no one was there. There was a short hall, and Jaina could have sworn she smelled freshly cut grass, which had her giving Jag a confused look before they stepped inside, the door sliding shut behind them. Inside, the lighting was done up to shine exactly like sunlight, and yes, the floor was covered in grass. The room was even decorated in patio furniture.
Oh, Tahiri. Never change.
She stood up from a lounge chair when Jag and Jaina arrived, looking a bit wary to see them. "Jedi Solo, Colonel- I mean, Head of State Fel."
Jaina tried not to feel too weird about that. Jag could greet her in his usual manner and that was fine, because he and Tahiri had never been close. She and Jaina had.
"Please, sit down," Tahiri said. "Can I get you anything? Caf, water-"
"No, thank you," Jaina said, and the three of them found seats. And, unable to help herself, Jaina gestured to the grass and said, "Please tell me that your refresher doesn't have a dirt floor."
Tahiri seemed to relax at that, and even smiled. "No, perfectly normal tile," she said, and shrugged. "I've always preferred being barefoot to wearing shoes…but most places aren't that comfortable. Overheated permacrete, carpets where they glare at you for tracking in dirt… Now that I have some credits to spend, I decided I wanted a home where I could be comfortable. And this is much nicer than Tatooine desert sand." Which was course and got everywhere, you know.
"Now that you have credits and aren't living by anyone else's rules," Jaina said.
"That's right."
Jag leaned forward. "We're here to ask you a few questions about Jacen Solo."
Tahiri frowned at him. "You really don't need to say Jacen Solo. When his sister comes to talk to his former apprentice and Jacen is mentioned, I'm not going to suppose you mean some Jacen who waits tables."
"Of course," Jag said, abashed, and looked to Jaina. "In informal circumstances, I really am redundant and stuffy, aren't I?"
Jaina nodded. "Yes, but you're pretty," she said, turning back to Tahiri. "You've heard about the Grand Master and his sentence."
"I heard about his farewell," Tahiri nodded. "I thought about going, but I was pretty sure I wouldn't be welcome."
"Not by everyone," Jaina conceded. There wasn't any point in lying. "We're trying to get a better handle on Jacen's thought processes. What made him turn. When he turned. It's all part of an effort to help the Grand Master- to help Uncle Luke- make his case for his return to Coruscant."
"People have been trying to understand Jacen for two years," Tahiri sighed "No, people have been trying to understand him since we were apprentices. Since you two and Anakin were children together. They've been coming to me since he died. Jedi and government investigators and doctors and the press."
That sounded pretty awful. Jaina had had her share of uncomfortable press situations over the last couple years, but she couldn't imagine having to deal with it when you were coming back from being a Sith and constantly being asked about it. "Any friends among them?"
Not that Jaina felt guilty for not reaching out to her more or anything.
"I'm not sure I have any friends," Tahiri said matter-of-factly. "Not that I blame anyone for that. Anyone but Jacen and myself."
"You're not likely to make any, either, as a bounty hunter," Jaina said bluntly. "You need to come back to the Order, Tahiri."
"Not until I know who I am. What I am," Tahiri said. "I've been more things than I can count. Tatooine girl, adopted Tusken Raider, Jedi, Yuuzhan Vong hybrid, Sith apprentice… I've got to get rid of all of them for a while. Learn how to hear myself think."
Jag nodded. "So think about Jacen. What have you figured out about him that you haven't told anyone? Details too subtle or seemingly inconsequential, information that nobody else ever asked about."
Tahiri thought about it for a moment. "I can't tell you when he became a Sith. Only that it might not be important when he did, or even that he did. I think Sith was just another thing, another set of armor and weapons and disguises, that he put on top of Jacen. Like 'Jedi,' or 'Solo.' He was always Jacen… until he rejected that too, and became Caedus."
"You're saying that it doesn't matter when he became a Sith?" Jaina asked. She'd been trying to figure out the answer to that question since before he became one.
"Something like that. I think it matters more when Jacen broke. Maybe he broke when Vergere tortured him for all that time. Maybe he broke when he was a kid, when he and you and Anakin kept being handed off to nannies and protectors while your mother and father were off doing other things." She raised a hand to preemptively stop whatever it was Jaina was already opening her mouth to say. "I'm not criticizing. They were being pulled in too many directions at once, by too many responsibilities, and when that happens, something gives." She frowned, looking like she was trying to figure something out. "I think maybe he broke at some other thing, whenever it was he decided that the galaxy was a huge, nasty place that had to be tamed. Whatever gave him the idea, it made such an awful impression that he had to become even more awful to confront it."
"You don't think Lumiya broke him," Jag said.
"I think she shaped him." Now Tahiri looked vulnerable, like she was really opening up to them. "I've been broken. I was broken by the Yuuzhan Vong. I broke when Anakin died. Every time you break, outside forces can shape you, and you can't do anything to stop them. No, I don't think it matters when Jacen became a Sith. I think it matters when he broke."
Jag and Jaina looked at each other. "That's an interesting theory," Jaina said.
Tahiri laughed, just a little bitterly. "Solo-speak for That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"No, I'm serious," Jaina assured her. There was a lot in that that made sense to her. "I'll pass it on to the Grand Master. Right or wrong, it suggests some avenues of investigation we haven't considered."
"Oh. Thank you."
They didn't stay too long after that, because a regular visit was a little strange after you'd just questioned someone you didn't really talk to anymore about her most recent trauma. And that just made Jaina weirdly sad. On her way out, she impulsively hugged Tahiri, because she missed her, and no one should have to go through the things she'd gone through, and because all Tahiris everywhere could probably benefit from more hugs.
"I'm afraid I can't find a way to forgive her so easily," Jag admitted as they walked to the turbolift. "She assassinated a man I respected very highly."
"I had a lot of respect for Admiral Pellaeon, too. But who really killed him? The woman we just talked to, who's trying to find her way back from a very dark place, or the woman of two years ago?"
"One descends from the other. They're inextricably linked." Jag pushed the button for the turbolift car and asked, "Does someone shed all responsibility for what she's done when she suddenly decides it was wrong?"
"Neither one of us has ever been broken the way she has." What Tahiri had said really had made Jaina think, and she and Jag had been through plenty. He'd lost siblings to war, lost his career and family and nearly his life because of Jaina and had to build himself back up from nothing. It was probably a wonder that Jaina didn't spend most days crying under her bed after some of what she'd been through. But Tahiri had barely had time to breathe between traumas during the Vong War, when she was very young, and while the hits had slowed down, they never really stopped coming. There had to be some truth to her words. "Maybe we're too hardheaded, or too stupid, or we've just never run into anything that could damage our core selves the way it happened to her. How do you know what we'd be capable of doing in her situation?"
Jag thought about it, and finally shrugged. "The Jedi have more faith in redemption than I do. I'm not saying my way is best. Just that I'm not sure I could do what you do. Forgive something that monstrous."
Well, he hadn't grown up in her family. "I hope I never make a really big mistake in your presence then."
[NFB, NFI, go ahead and leave some OOC if you want. Dialogue and a couple lines taken from Outcast by Aaron Allston, and I kinda think this entire series was worth it if only for Tahiri.]