Jedi Temple- Coruscant
Normally Jaina wasn't an antisocial person, but she'd taken to staying in her quarters a lot since she got out of the hospital. When she did, to grab dinner (one could not survive on a kiddie pool of fruit alone) or to sneak into a training room against orders not to, she tended to do it on off hours when she knew no one was really around. There were too many condolences from random people, too many stares or whispers from others, and you could just forget going outside the Temple for a while until the story died down some. She could deal with herself and her own conscience just fine, but the general public was another story. One step at a time here.
Besides, she could call people and people could call her and she didn't have any shortage of visitors, so no one could say she was really isolating herself. She had pictures of an alternate universe little brother as a kitten to prove it. And the fact that really having nothing to do was driving her crazy was probably a good thing. Meant that she was at least still herself, or something.
On the bright side, she was getting really good at Angry Birds Space.
Anakin
Of course that wasn't Anakin Skywalker sweeping down the hallway. He'd been dead for a century, and that was exactly the look he was going to skewer you with if you even thought about opening your mouth to ask where he was going.
He was finding Jaina based entirely on her signature in the Force and he was spending no time at all remembering what he'd been up to the last time he'd been in the Temple.
"Jaina?" he called, rapping sharply on the door.
Jaina
So, that was a visitor she hadn't exactly expected, which got Jaina to her feet to answer the door quicker than she would otherwise. Mainly because she didn't want to see what happened if anyone stopped to ask him questions.
The door opened, and she ushered him in. "You do know how to surprise a girl."
Anakin
"Ben thought that if he came and ran into himself, someone's head would explode," Anakin said, "but we didn't want you to be alone."
Jaina
Jaina nodded, closed the door, and immediately went in for a hug. Because maybe she'd needed that.
Also, hugs. In general, she needed hugs.
Anakin
Anakin was here for alllll the hugs, and he wasn't going to let go until she did.
He wasn't going to ask stupid questions about how she was either.
Jaina
She stayed like that for a moment, then pulled away, offering a little smile. "Thanks for this. Much better than just a call."
Anakin
"That's what I thought," Anakin said, finally taking a moment to glance around the room.
It was kind of strange to be here.
Jaina
As far as Jaina was concerned, this room was just like every other room here, only with more boxes of dirt on the shelf. And the pictures were of people he'd probably recognize, between family and Fandom.
"Probably doesn't look much different since you were here, huh?" she guessed. Since the facts that he was supposed to be dead and also had a history with this place contributed equally to why she hadn't invited him before now.
Anakin
"Not really," Anakin admitted. "I was on a different floor at the time, but the rooms are pretty much all the same."
He found a seat and faced her. "It was horrible, huh," he said quietly.
Jaina
"There's not really a word for what it was," Jaina said, pulling a chair over to sit near him. "Years of nightmares and my subconscious didn't even get close to what it was."
Anakin
Anakin wasn't generally much for touching, but he reached out to wrap his arm around her shoulder and draw her in.
"What happened?"
Jaina
"First attempt didn't go well," she began. "We had a surprise Mando raid piggybacking on my mission where the team got taken out. I tried a sniper rifle at first, but could never get a clear shot in, so I had to actually fight him. Luke was sort of aiding my actions remotely, but it wasn't enough. I got a concussion and broken ribs and all I was able to do to him was cut an arm off."
Believe it or not, actually killing him didn't make that moment any less horrible.
Anakin
Anakin was radiating calm and support and affection. It would do Jaina absolutely no good for him to backseat general what had happened--she needed to talk without his opinions screwing it up.
"He didn't take that as a hint to wake up?"
Jaina
"No. I think maybe Uncle Luke acting for me maybe backfired a little," she admitted. "Jacen really thought he was fighting Luke, not me. He barely even noticed me. And in fact, he lost an arm and in the same breath, he decided to use a Nightsister tracking technique so I'd lead him right to our base because I got his blood on me. He didn't even stop."
Anakin
Anakin sighed heavily and gave Jaina another hug, choosing to keep silent and let her tell the story in her own time.
Jaina
"I didn't even get into bacta before I had to go after him the last time," Jaina went on. "I led him to our base so we had to get the jump on him. Things went bad from the start, and by the time I got aboard the ship- one named for our dead little brother, no less- Jacen was trying to dispose of Tenel Ka's father's body after killing him."
Jaina really sort of wished she'd ended this fight concussed, too. This was the one she didn't want to remember in such vivid detail.
"I stabbed him before he even knew I was there, and he got back up and fought. No matter what I did, he just kept popping up and drawing it out. It got really brutal. I honestly don't know why I'm not dead," she admitted. "Maybe if he'd been more focused on killing me instead of trying to warn Tenel Ka, I would be."
Anakin
"What was he trying to warn Tenel Ka about?" Anakin asked, frowning. "That he'd killed her father?"
Jaina
"The Moffs were working on nanoviruses. With one person's DNA they could basically kill off the entire family," she explained. "Having Prince Isolder in custody meant they got his, which put Tenel Ka and Allana at risk."
Anakin
Anakin muttered a really foul Huttese curse under his breath. "Just what the Moffs need to have access to. Really. Are Tenel Ka and Allana all right?"
Jaina
And conversations like this were why Jaina swept her quarters for bugs all the time.
"They're fine. But um. The official story is that Allana was killed," she said. "In reality, she's staying with Mom and Dad and going by Amelia now."
Anakin
Anakin frowned. "Is that safe?"
Jaina
"She's safer than she would be on Hapes," Jaina said with a shrug. "She's been kidnapped and nearly killed by a nanovirus in like two months' time, and that's nothing compared to what people would do to her on Hapes to get at the throne. Her paternity's not common knowledge, so the story that Mom and Dad adopted a war orphan after losing their son should actually fly. Plus she can get training here that she can't at home."
Anakin
Anakin wisely decided not to point out that Han and Leia's track record on childrearing was...spotty.
"It'll give them something to focus on," he said instead.
Jaina
"I think that's part of it. They missed the first four years of her life, and now she's all they have left of Jacen." And aside from a quick blinking back of tears, she could say that like she was totally fine, too.
She was very careful about breaking down too hard in front of people.
Anakin
Anakin was going to hold on a little more tightly anyway, not really buying Jaina's facade for a minute.
"Let it go," he murmured. "You'll feel better."
Jaina
She hugged him back, but shook her head. "I'm okay. Trust me, there's not much 'letting it go' left to be done."
One of the huge benefits to being out of the hospital was that she could have the needed total breakdown without worrying about being checked up on by people or medical droids. She just didn't want it to be habit.
Anakin
He ran his fingers through her hair like he did when Juliet woke up from a nightmare.
"Mmm," he said. "We're generally not poster children for healthy ways of dealing with emotions."
Jaina
"I think I'm mostly okay, considering," Jaina assured him. "I'm not avoiding it. I can't, actually- I killed a Chief of State, half the stories on the news relate to it. I have good days and I have bad days. I just don't like dealing with it in front of people."
Anakin
"And I still count as people on this," Anakin replied with a rueful smile. "Fair enough." He send another pulse of affection and support through the Force. "Deal with it in your own time, my Jaina."
That was advice he wouldn't have understood four years ago.
Jaina
And for that, he was going to be rewarded with honesty!
"Thanks," she said, managing a smile. "If it helps, I think the only one who's not people is Jag. And that's because he's both seen me at my worst on this and I can make him complain about the Moffs or something so it's not just all me. It feels like more even footing that way."
Anakin
"You feel like no one wants to hear you just talk about you?" Anakin asked. "Or that too many people do?"
Jaina
"The second thing, sort of. Everyone's hurting right now, everyone lost someone, and I don't want to be one more thing for them to worry about," Jaina said. "I'm going to be fine- not right away, but I'll get there- and I'd rather show them that by functioning like a normal person rather than unloading on them."
Anakin
"If you change your mind, call me," Anakin said. "I'm out of the timestream, so I'm not as bruised up by this."
Except to hurt to see Jaina.
Jaina
"I will," she promised. "And it's been suggested that getting away for a little bit might not be a horrible idea, so I might be putting in a visit or something soon."
Anakin
"I'm not teaching classes this session, so if you want to go somewhere really far, that's doable," Anakin said. "We'll have to take Rory, Juliet and Chris, too, though."
There was only so much leeway his wife would give him to deal with family matters and leave her with an infant and a preschooler.
Jaina
If anyone needed reassurance that Jaina was trying not to fall back on old habits and react the way she used to, she was actually considering this.
"I could do that," she said. "At least for a little while. It's a little hard to get away from things here."
Anakin
"We've got time," Anakin assured her with a smile. "When it gets to be too much to be here and you won't feel guilty about leaving everyone, come back to Earth. We'll visit some country we've never heard of."
Jaina
"I think you just made a challenge there," she warned. "We moved around too much as an island not to be very good at geography there."
Anakin
"And I'm amazing at RISK," he added, trying to lighten the mood a little more.
Jaina
"Because that game acts as a wonderful travel guide, yes," she said with a nod.
Anakin
"If we want to invade Russia, it does," Anakin argued.
Because that's a normal vacation.
Jaina
"I put my foot down and say right now we're not invading anything," Jaina said immediately.
Anakin
"I don't know," Anakin said, "Chris's diapers are deadly weapons."
Jaina
"More information than I needed before I've even met the kid," Jaina decided.
Though at least now she knew she could.
Anakin
"I have holos," Anakin offered. "His major hobbies are eating, eating, eating, and spitting up on Vladdie."
Jaina
"Let's see," she said immediately. She had a couple of Juliet from a while ago up already, so looking at baby pictures wasn't exactly a huge chore here.
Anakin
Babies made everything better. It was scientific fact. He handed her a little holoprojector and flipped it on. "Here's him and Juliet, and him in the bath--he hates that--and him and Rory on a night where he hadn't slept. That was just before she threatened to make me eat my phone."
Jaina
"You can't help it if you're preserving memories for the future," Jaina totally made up, smiling at the pictures. "He's cute."
Anakin
"He looks like Rory, thank the Force," Anakin said.
Jaina
"Those of us stemming from other branches on the family tree would like to say that your genes are fine, thank you." And she was speaking for all family members here, yes. She'd taken it upon herself.
Anakin
Anakin smiled. "You look like your mother, who looks like her mother. And that's not a bad thing at all."
Jaina
"And I'm used to hearing how much I look like my dad when my hair goes shorter," she said, indicating the little ponytail she had going on. "Maybe it's all about who's looking when, or something."
Anakin
Anakin shook his head. "Definitely more Padme than Han," he insisted. "Do I want to know why the hair's shorter?"
Jaina
Jaina made a face. "I maybe slightly caught on fire?"
Better or worse than getting a hand chopped off?
Anakin
Having experienced both, Anakin would go with amputation. It was over faster.
"Shit."
Sometimes Earth curses were just better.
"What happened?"
Jaina
"I flew into the door to an incinerator." She left out the part that Jacen had been aiming to throw her into it, and then tried to leave her for dead. There was a weird part of her that somehow felt like she didn't want to get him into trouble, like she was still nine or something. "It was still hot enough that my back lit right up. Which meant most of my hair had to go."
Anakin
Anakin's hand was over his mouth without him realizing it.
"I know how much that hurts."
Jaina
"I know. It wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been," Jaina assured him. "I think it was out fast, and then everything after that happened fast..." And then there was that horrible time when everything hurt and she didn't care and Jacen was dead and she didn't care much about burns anymore.
Anakin
Anakin was beginning to figure out exactly how she'd ended up on fire, and his eyebrows knitted together.
"And then he was dead?" he guessed softly.
Jaina
"We still managed to cut each other up pretty bad before that, but yeah," she said quietly.
Anakin
Anakin was just going to hug her again. "The ugliest fight I've ever been in was with Obi-Wan on Mustafar," he offered quietly. "It hurts so much more when there's a deep connection."
Jaina
If she pulled out of the hug a little quickly, it was only because it was hard to hug while talking about this part. "That's part of why this hurts so much," she said with a frown. "It's been me and Jacen since before we were even born and it's like the connection wasn't even there anymore. Cutting off his arm... everything else... I can't imagine a day of my life where I won't think about that. And meanwhile it's like he never saw me. It didn't matter that it was his twin coming for him, or that at one point he really could have killed me. He just didn't care."
Anakin
Anakin nodded. "He broke your heart."
Jaina
Yes. Completely.
"He did that a long time ago. I'm just figuring out what it means now."
Anakin
"It's times like that that I wish we could get Obi-Wan to show up," Anakin murmured. "He'd know what to say."
Jaina
"There's no right thing to say," Jaina told him. "And that's okay. You coming here means more than words anyway."
Anakin
He smiled over at her. "I was a little worried," he admitted.
Jaina
"I never would have guessed," she said wryly.
Anakin
"You're my favorite granddaughter. What's a little thing like the um, space-time difference, in the face of that?"
Jaina
"You only say that because you haven't met Allana," Jaina smiled. "But she's still worth breaking people if they see you."
Anakin
"I'll just tell them I'm a Force ghost," Anakin decided.
Jaina
"Oh, sure, that'll work." No. No it would not. "Though there are only a handful of people who know about you, so anyone else would likely think they're just going crazy."
Anakin
"That works too," Anakin said. "I'm not going to stay very long anyway. I'm not going to hang out in the cafeteria or anything."
As tempting as it was to see what had changed in the last hundred years.
Jaina
"How long is not very long?" she wondered.
Anakin
"That's up to you," Anakin said. "How long do you want me to stick around?"
Jaina
"As long as you can stick around," Jaina said unhelpfully. "It's just that I know I'm not a lot of fun right now, and there's not much I can do outside this room without people or reporters prying."
No, reporters were not people as long as she was annoyed with them.
Anakin
Anakin gave her a little look. "Like I care if you're fun to be around. I'd be more worried if you were."
Jaina
She smiled a little at that. The fun thing wouldn't be happening for a while, but smiling she could do. "I also don't want to completely depress you."
Anakin
"Do not worry about me," Anakin said, reaching for her hand again. "I didn't come here because I thought you'd be fascinating company. I came here because I wanted to be here for you. A comm call wouldn't be the same."
Jaina
But worrying about everyone else was such a good distraction!
"It wouldn't," she agreed, squeezing his hand. "And I really do appreciate it. Especially since I've been really bored."
Anakin
"Want to try to kick my ass at sabacc?" Anakin offered.
Jaina
"Yes," Jaina nodded. "Also, try nothing. I got this."
Ben
A few hours after Anakin's arrival, Jaina's commlink went off.
Jaina
Jaina wasn't really getting calls about work these days, meaning all the calls she got on her
comlink were personal. It was purely by habit that she answered, "Solo."
Ben
"Hey," Ben said quietly. "It's me. Um. Older me."
Beat.
"Not in a weird Fandom way."
Jaina
"I guessed," Jaina said with a smile. "How are you doing?"
Ben
"Pretty sure I'm the one who's supposed to be asking that," Ben replied.
Jaina
"Yeah, but I asked first so by the rules of ten-year-olds everywhere, you get to answer," she
said.
She was maybe a little worried about how Ben was handling it, so might as well ask up front
and make it harder not to answer.
Ben
"I'm so, so sorry, Jaina," Ben blurted. "I'd have given anything to have changed how that
went."
Jaina
"I know," Jaina said quietly. "But I don't think anyone could have changed it. Maybe things
went the way they needed to go."
That'd been Jacen's point at the end of the Vong War: that even with Anakin dying, his own
torture, Jaina's fall, without those things, the outcome of the war would have been very
different. That was the sort of thing she was clinging to now, even if she couldn't see how
it all tied together yet.
Ben
Ben blew out a long breath. "Maybe," he said. "Doesn't mean it's not pretty much the most
painful thing ever."
Jaina
Insisting she was okay got harder with the person who'd probably seen exactly what his Jaina
had dealt with. "Yeah," she admitted, then of course pushed that aside for what she felt was
a more important question. "Zekk?"
Ben
"He's fine," Ben assured her quickly. "He's got a new Hapan...friend. And Tahiri's okay
too...or at least she will be."
He paused. "Amelia?"
If she recognized the name, he'd have his answer.
Jaina
...So she was guessing Zekk was going to find Taryn, at least. Which she was still fine with.
She just wanted to make sure he didn't get eaten alive there.
"Not everyday you get a little sister in your thirties," she replied.
Ben
"She's a handful," Ben said, sounding a little lighter, "and has weird taste in pets."
Jaina
"Do I want to know?" she asked warily. She remembered some of Jacen's pets, okay. A person
could only wrangle a crystal snake so many times before you said no more.
Ben
"Do you have any particularly strong feelings about nexu?"
Jaina
Jaina went really quiet for a moment.
"Well, she's definitely Jacen's."
Ben
"And her mother's too," Ben said quietly, "but the echoes of Jacen will hurt for a while."
Jaina
"I haven't spent a ton of time with her," Jaina admitted. "At least, not as much as I should.
The 'sorry I killed your dad' feeling's a little big right now."
Which probably wasn't fair to Allana, really. Jaina wasn't really sure how much she
understood of what had happened, and Jacen had scared the kid pretty good. Allana certainly
didn't seem to have a problem with Jaina, at any rate. But logic didn't make certain things
better- give it time.
Ben
"She understands," Ben said quietly. "She's one of us."
Just another Skywalker-Solo kid waiting for the adults to get themselves together, Ben meant.
Jaina
"It just takes some time," Jaina told him. She was the same way with her parents sometimes,
even as supportive as they were. It mostly depended on where her head was at the time. "I'll
get there."
Ben
"It does," Ben murmured. "It took me until last summer, really."
Jaina
There was actually part of her that thought, It can't take me that long. I have things to
do.
Because some things never ever changed.
"I'm trying to work through it to maybe speed that up a little..." she said. Fact was, she
didn't know that she had it in her to dwell that long, even for something like this. She'd go
crazy and explode first.
Ben
"Well, I didn't actually deal with any of it until that summer, either," Ben admitted.
Jaina
"Don't wait that long again," Jaina said seriously, but not harshly. "Deal with it in your
own way, but the longer you wait, the worse it is."
Hey, check that out, she was learning.
Ben
"If you and Ender both say the same thing, I suppose it must be true," Ben said with a tiny
smile. "But don't worry about me so you stop worrying about you."
Call it a family trait.
Jaina
"I wouldn't say I'm really worried about me. And others shouldn't worry, either," she said.
"I'm doing my absolute best not to give anyone anything to worry about."
Which would so totally work, of course.
Ben
"Jaina," Ben said gently, "Jacen's gone. People are going to worry about you. You've been a
pair since before you were born."
Jaina
"I know, I know." But the part that hurt there was the knowledge that she and Jacen
hadn't really been a pair in six years. ...Actually, more like eleven years, and there
wasn't any hope of fixing that now. "But I'm not handling this the way I did when Anakin
died. I'm actually trying, and I hope people see that."
Ben
"They will," Ben promised. "I will. Well, me. I don't know about the other Ben."
Jaina
Jaina smiled at that. "Let's hope on him," she said. "How's your Jaina doing?"
Shh, if there was ever a time for reassurance, this was it.
Ben
"She's good," Ben said. "Focused, but able to tease again. Getting married..."
Jaina
Well that wasn't something she'd expected...
"Wait, what?"
Ben
"Able to tease again?"
Ben, be nice.
Jaina
"The last thing. Go back to the last thing." The last thing which, by the way, kind of fit
with what she knew the timeline in Chak's time had gone and that was a little freaky.
Ben
"I never mentioned that?"
No, Ben, you never did.
Jaina
"Noooo," she said, and guessed, "Jag?" Maybe she was hoping the answer would be easy there.
Ben
"If I say yes, will that make you happier?" Ben asked.
Jaina
She had to think about that. She couldn't say it would be a surprise. "Maybe. We'll see."
Ben
"In that case...yes," Ben said. "You're marrying Jag. He doesn't get taller."
Jaina
"It's really weird," she decided. "And I should not tell him that."
Ben
"About the height thing?"
Jaina
Good sign: Jaina was back to eyerolling at things.
"Well, I won't tell him that either, but I meant the married thing."
Ben
Ben had been trying to cheer her up, so the tone of voice made him worry less.
"Probably a good plan."
Jaina
"If it isn't too weird, tell her congratulations for me," Jaina said. As if the thought of
literal self-congratulations wasn't anything but weird.
Ben
"I will," Ben said. "She knows about you."
Jaina
"Good. I deserve to be known about." See, she could tease sometimes.
Ben
"She says it'll get a little easier," Ben said softly. "I should let you go. Granddad isn't
driving you barvy?"
Jaina
"Nah, he's fine," Jaina said with a little smile. "Try not to worry. I'll be fine, and I'll
be back when I can."
Ben
"There's a giant hug with your name on it waiting for then," Ben promised. "Love you, Jaina."
Jaina
"Love you, too, Ben." And okay, maybe she did feel a little better now.
[Preplayed with sith_happened/momslilassassin for great "omg too much stuff going on" justice, and NFB/NFI. If you would like to comment, though, that is all right.]
Besides, she could call people and people could call her and she didn't have any shortage of visitors, so no one could say she was really isolating herself. She had pictures of an alternate universe little brother as a kitten to prove it. And the fact that really having nothing to do was driving her crazy was probably a good thing. Meant that she was at least still herself, or something.
On the bright side, she was getting really good at Angry Birds Space.
Anakin
Of course that wasn't Anakin Skywalker sweeping down the hallway. He'd been dead for a century, and that was exactly the look he was going to skewer you with if you even thought about opening your mouth to ask where he was going.
He was finding Jaina based entirely on her signature in the Force and he was spending no time at all remembering what he'd been up to the last time he'd been in the Temple.
"Jaina?" he called, rapping sharply on the door.
Jaina
So, that was a visitor she hadn't exactly expected, which got Jaina to her feet to answer the door quicker than she would otherwise. Mainly because she didn't want to see what happened if anyone stopped to ask him questions.
The door opened, and she ushered him in. "You do know how to surprise a girl."
Anakin
"Ben thought that if he came and ran into himself, someone's head would explode," Anakin said, "but we didn't want you to be alone."
Jaina
Jaina nodded, closed the door, and immediately went in for a hug. Because maybe she'd needed that.
Also, hugs. In general, she needed hugs.
Anakin
Anakin was here for alllll the hugs, and he wasn't going to let go until she did.
He wasn't going to ask stupid questions about how she was either.
Jaina
She stayed like that for a moment, then pulled away, offering a little smile. "Thanks for this. Much better than just a call."
Anakin
"That's what I thought," Anakin said, finally taking a moment to glance around the room.
It was kind of strange to be here.
Jaina
As far as Jaina was concerned, this room was just like every other room here, only with more boxes of dirt on the shelf. And the pictures were of people he'd probably recognize, between family and Fandom.
"Probably doesn't look much different since you were here, huh?" she guessed. Since the facts that he was supposed to be dead and also had a history with this place contributed equally to why she hadn't invited him before now.
Anakin
"Not really," Anakin admitted. "I was on a different floor at the time, but the rooms are pretty much all the same."
He found a seat and faced her. "It was horrible, huh," he said quietly.
Jaina
"There's not really a word for what it was," Jaina said, pulling a chair over to sit near him. "Years of nightmares and my subconscious didn't even get close to what it was."
Anakin
Anakin wasn't generally much for touching, but he reached out to wrap his arm around her shoulder and draw her in.
"What happened?"
Jaina
"First attempt didn't go well," she began. "We had a surprise Mando raid piggybacking on my mission where the team got taken out. I tried a sniper rifle at first, but could never get a clear shot in, so I had to actually fight him. Luke was sort of aiding my actions remotely, but it wasn't enough. I got a concussion and broken ribs and all I was able to do to him was cut an arm off."
Believe it or not, actually killing him didn't make that moment any less horrible.
Anakin
Anakin was radiating calm and support and affection. It would do Jaina absolutely no good for him to backseat general what had happened--she needed to talk without his opinions screwing it up.
"He didn't take that as a hint to wake up?"
Jaina
"No. I think maybe Uncle Luke acting for me maybe backfired a little," she admitted. "Jacen really thought he was fighting Luke, not me. He barely even noticed me. And in fact, he lost an arm and in the same breath, he decided to use a Nightsister tracking technique so I'd lead him right to our base because I got his blood on me. He didn't even stop."
Anakin
Anakin sighed heavily and gave Jaina another hug, choosing to keep silent and let her tell the story in her own time.
Jaina
"I didn't even get into bacta before I had to go after him the last time," Jaina went on. "I led him to our base so we had to get the jump on him. Things went bad from the start, and by the time I got aboard the ship- one named for our dead little brother, no less- Jacen was trying to dispose of Tenel Ka's father's body after killing him."
Jaina really sort of wished she'd ended this fight concussed, too. This was the one she didn't want to remember in such vivid detail.
"I stabbed him before he even knew I was there, and he got back up and fought. No matter what I did, he just kept popping up and drawing it out. It got really brutal. I honestly don't know why I'm not dead," she admitted. "Maybe if he'd been more focused on killing me instead of trying to warn Tenel Ka, I would be."
Anakin
"What was he trying to warn Tenel Ka about?" Anakin asked, frowning. "That he'd killed her father?"
Jaina
"The Moffs were working on nanoviruses. With one person's DNA they could basically kill off the entire family," she explained. "Having Prince Isolder in custody meant they got his, which put Tenel Ka and Allana at risk."
Anakin
Anakin muttered a really foul Huttese curse under his breath. "Just what the Moffs need to have access to. Really. Are Tenel Ka and Allana all right?"
Jaina
And conversations like this were why Jaina swept her quarters for bugs all the time.
"They're fine. But um. The official story is that Allana was killed," she said. "In reality, she's staying with Mom and Dad and going by Amelia now."
Anakin
Anakin frowned. "Is that safe?"
Jaina
"She's safer than she would be on Hapes," Jaina said with a shrug. "She's been kidnapped and nearly killed by a nanovirus in like two months' time, and that's nothing compared to what people would do to her on Hapes to get at the throne. Her paternity's not common knowledge, so the story that Mom and Dad adopted a war orphan after losing their son should actually fly. Plus she can get training here that she can't at home."
Anakin
Anakin wisely decided not to point out that Han and Leia's track record on childrearing was...spotty.
"It'll give them something to focus on," he said instead.
Jaina
"I think that's part of it. They missed the first four years of her life, and now she's all they have left of Jacen." And aside from a quick blinking back of tears, she could say that like she was totally fine, too.
She was very careful about breaking down too hard in front of people.
Anakin
Anakin was going to hold on a little more tightly anyway, not really buying Jaina's facade for a minute.
"Let it go," he murmured. "You'll feel better."
Jaina
She hugged him back, but shook her head. "I'm okay. Trust me, there's not much 'letting it go' left to be done."
One of the huge benefits to being out of the hospital was that she could have the needed total breakdown without worrying about being checked up on by people or medical droids. She just didn't want it to be habit.
Anakin
He ran his fingers through her hair like he did when Juliet woke up from a nightmare.
"Mmm," he said. "We're generally not poster children for healthy ways of dealing with emotions."
Jaina
"I think I'm mostly okay, considering," Jaina assured him. "I'm not avoiding it. I can't, actually- I killed a Chief of State, half the stories on the news relate to it. I have good days and I have bad days. I just don't like dealing with it in front of people."
Anakin
"And I still count as people on this," Anakin replied with a rueful smile. "Fair enough." He send another pulse of affection and support through the Force. "Deal with it in your own time, my Jaina."
That was advice he wouldn't have understood four years ago.
Jaina
And for that, he was going to be rewarded with honesty!
"Thanks," she said, managing a smile. "If it helps, I think the only one who's not people is Jag. And that's because he's both seen me at my worst on this and I can make him complain about the Moffs or something so it's not just all me. It feels like more even footing that way."
Anakin
"You feel like no one wants to hear you just talk about you?" Anakin asked. "Or that too many people do?"
Jaina
"The second thing, sort of. Everyone's hurting right now, everyone lost someone, and I don't want to be one more thing for them to worry about," Jaina said. "I'm going to be fine- not right away, but I'll get there- and I'd rather show them that by functioning like a normal person rather than unloading on them."
Anakin
"If you change your mind, call me," Anakin said. "I'm out of the timestream, so I'm not as bruised up by this."
Except to hurt to see Jaina.
Jaina
"I will," she promised. "And it's been suggested that getting away for a little bit might not be a horrible idea, so I might be putting in a visit or something soon."
Anakin
"I'm not teaching classes this session, so if you want to go somewhere really far, that's doable," Anakin said. "We'll have to take Rory, Juliet and Chris, too, though."
There was only so much leeway his wife would give him to deal with family matters and leave her with an infant and a preschooler.
Jaina
If anyone needed reassurance that Jaina was trying not to fall back on old habits and react the way she used to, she was actually considering this.
"I could do that," she said. "At least for a little while. It's a little hard to get away from things here."
Anakin
"We've got time," Anakin assured her with a smile. "When it gets to be too much to be here and you won't feel guilty about leaving everyone, come back to Earth. We'll visit some country we've never heard of."
Jaina
"I think you just made a challenge there," she warned. "We moved around too much as an island not to be very good at geography there."
Anakin
"And I'm amazing at RISK," he added, trying to lighten the mood a little more.
Jaina
"Because that game acts as a wonderful travel guide, yes," she said with a nod.
Anakin
"If we want to invade Russia, it does," Anakin argued.
Because that's a normal vacation.
Jaina
"I put my foot down and say right now we're not invading anything," Jaina said immediately.
Anakin
"I don't know," Anakin said, "Chris's diapers are deadly weapons."
Jaina
"More information than I needed before I've even met the kid," Jaina decided.
Though at least now she knew she could.
Anakin
"I have holos," Anakin offered. "His major hobbies are eating, eating, eating, and spitting up on Vladdie."
Jaina
"Let's see," she said immediately. She had a couple of Juliet from a while ago up already, so looking at baby pictures wasn't exactly a huge chore here.
Anakin
Babies made everything better. It was scientific fact. He handed her a little holoprojector and flipped it on. "Here's him and Juliet, and him in the bath--he hates that--and him and Rory on a night where he hadn't slept. That was just before she threatened to make me eat my phone."
Jaina
"You can't help it if you're preserving memories for the future," Jaina totally made up, smiling at the pictures. "He's cute."
Anakin
"He looks like Rory, thank the Force," Anakin said.
Jaina
"Those of us stemming from other branches on the family tree would like to say that your genes are fine, thank you." And she was speaking for all family members here, yes. She'd taken it upon herself.
Anakin
Anakin smiled. "You look like your mother, who looks like her mother. And that's not a bad thing at all."
Jaina
"And I'm used to hearing how much I look like my dad when my hair goes shorter," she said, indicating the little ponytail she had going on. "Maybe it's all about who's looking when, or something."
Anakin
Anakin shook his head. "Definitely more Padme than Han," he insisted. "Do I want to know why the hair's shorter?"
Jaina
Jaina made a face. "I maybe slightly caught on fire?"
Better or worse than getting a hand chopped off?
Anakin
Having experienced both, Anakin would go with amputation. It was over faster.
"Shit."
Sometimes Earth curses were just better.
"What happened?"
Jaina
"I flew into the door to an incinerator." She left out the part that Jacen had been aiming to throw her into it, and then tried to leave her for dead. There was a weird part of her that somehow felt like she didn't want to get him into trouble, like she was still nine or something. "It was still hot enough that my back lit right up. Which meant most of my hair had to go."
Anakin
Anakin's hand was over his mouth without him realizing it.
"I know how much that hurts."
Jaina
"I know. It wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been," Jaina assured him. "I think it was out fast, and then everything after that happened fast..." And then there was that horrible time when everything hurt and she didn't care and Jacen was dead and she didn't care much about burns anymore.
Anakin
Anakin was beginning to figure out exactly how she'd ended up on fire, and his eyebrows knitted together.
"And then he was dead?" he guessed softly.
Jaina
"We still managed to cut each other up pretty bad before that, but yeah," she said quietly.
Anakin
Anakin was just going to hug her again. "The ugliest fight I've ever been in was with Obi-Wan on Mustafar," he offered quietly. "It hurts so much more when there's a deep connection."
Jaina
If she pulled out of the hug a little quickly, it was only because it was hard to hug while talking about this part. "That's part of why this hurts so much," she said with a frown. "It's been me and Jacen since before we were even born and it's like the connection wasn't even there anymore. Cutting off his arm... everything else... I can't imagine a day of my life where I won't think about that. And meanwhile it's like he never saw me. It didn't matter that it was his twin coming for him, or that at one point he really could have killed me. He just didn't care."
Anakin
Anakin nodded. "He broke your heart."
Jaina
Yes. Completely.
"He did that a long time ago. I'm just figuring out what it means now."
Anakin
"It's times like that that I wish we could get Obi-Wan to show up," Anakin murmured. "He'd know what to say."
Jaina
"There's no right thing to say," Jaina told him. "And that's okay. You coming here means more than words anyway."
Anakin
He smiled over at her. "I was a little worried," he admitted.
Jaina
"I never would have guessed," she said wryly.
Anakin
"You're my favorite granddaughter. What's a little thing like the um, space-time difference, in the face of that?"
Jaina
"You only say that because you haven't met Allana," Jaina smiled. "But she's still worth breaking people if they see you."
Anakin
"I'll just tell them I'm a Force ghost," Anakin decided.
Jaina
"Oh, sure, that'll work." No. No it would not. "Though there are only a handful of people who know about you, so anyone else would likely think they're just going crazy."
Anakin
"That works too," Anakin said. "I'm not going to stay very long anyway. I'm not going to hang out in the cafeteria or anything."
As tempting as it was to see what had changed in the last hundred years.
Jaina
"How long is not very long?" she wondered.
Anakin
"That's up to you," Anakin said. "How long do you want me to stick around?"
Jaina
"As long as you can stick around," Jaina said unhelpfully. "It's just that I know I'm not a lot of fun right now, and there's not much I can do outside this room without people or reporters prying."
No, reporters were not people as long as she was annoyed with them.
Anakin
Anakin gave her a little look. "Like I care if you're fun to be around. I'd be more worried if you were."
Jaina
She smiled a little at that. The fun thing wouldn't be happening for a while, but smiling she could do. "I also don't want to completely depress you."
Anakin
"Do not worry about me," Anakin said, reaching for her hand again. "I didn't come here because I thought you'd be fascinating company. I came here because I wanted to be here for you. A comm call wouldn't be the same."
Jaina
But worrying about everyone else was such a good distraction!
"It wouldn't," she agreed, squeezing his hand. "And I really do appreciate it. Especially since I've been really bored."
Anakin
"Want to try to kick my ass at sabacc?" Anakin offered.
Jaina
"Yes," Jaina nodded. "Also, try nothing. I got this."
Ben
A few hours after Anakin's arrival, Jaina's commlink went off.
Jaina
Jaina wasn't really getting calls about work these days, meaning all the calls she got on her
comlink were personal. It was purely by habit that she answered, "Solo."
Ben
"Hey," Ben said quietly. "It's me. Um. Older me."
Beat.
"Not in a weird Fandom way."
Jaina
"I guessed," Jaina said with a smile. "How are you doing?"
Ben
"Pretty sure I'm the one who's supposed to be asking that," Ben replied.
Jaina
"Yeah, but I asked first so by the rules of ten-year-olds everywhere, you get to answer," she
said.
She was maybe a little worried about how Ben was handling it, so might as well ask up front
and make it harder not to answer.
Ben
"I'm so, so sorry, Jaina," Ben blurted. "I'd have given anything to have changed how that
went."
Jaina
"I know," Jaina said quietly. "But I don't think anyone could have changed it. Maybe things
went the way they needed to go."
That'd been Jacen's point at the end of the Vong War: that even with Anakin dying, his own
torture, Jaina's fall, without those things, the outcome of the war would have been very
different. That was the sort of thing she was clinging to now, even if she couldn't see how
it all tied together yet.
Ben
Ben blew out a long breath. "Maybe," he said. "Doesn't mean it's not pretty much the most
painful thing ever."
Jaina
Insisting she was okay got harder with the person who'd probably seen exactly what his Jaina
had dealt with. "Yeah," she admitted, then of course pushed that aside for what she felt was
a more important question. "Zekk?"
Ben
"He's fine," Ben assured her quickly. "He's got a new Hapan...friend. And Tahiri's okay
too...or at least she will be."
He paused. "Amelia?"
If she recognized the name, he'd have his answer.
Jaina
...So she was guessing Zekk was going to find Taryn, at least. Which she was still fine with.
She just wanted to make sure he didn't get eaten alive there.
"Not everyday you get a little sister in your thirties," she replied.
Ben
"She's a handful," Ben said, sounding a little lighter, "and has weird taste in pets."
Jaina
"Do I want to know?" she asked warily. She remembered some of Jacen's pets, okay. A person
could only wrangle a crystal snake so many times before you said no more.
Ben
"Do you have any particularly strong feelings about nexu?"
Jaina
Jaina went really quiet for a moment.
"Well, she's definitely Jacen's."
Ben
"And her mother's too," Ben said quietly, "but the echoes of Jacen will hurt for a while."
Jaina
"I haven't spent a ton of time with her," Jaina admitted. "At least, not as much as I should.
The 'sorry I killed your dad' feeling's a little big right now."
Which probably wasn't fair to Allana, really. Jaina wasn't really sure how much she
understood of what had happened, and Jacen had scared the kid pretty good. Allana certainly
didn't seem to have a problem with Jaina, at any rate. But logic didn't make certain things
better- give it time.
Ben
"She understands," Ben said quietly. "She's one of us."
Just another Skywalker-Solo kid waiting for the adults to get themselves together, Ben meant.
Jaina
"It just takes some time," Jaina told him. She was the same way with her parents sometimes,
even as supportive as they were. It mostly depended on where her head was at the time. "I'll
get there."
Ben
"It does," Ben murmured. "It took me until last summer, really."
Jaina
There was actually part of her that thought, It can't take me that long. I have things to
do.
Because some things never ever changed.
"I'm trying to work through it to maybe speed that up a little..." she said. Fact was, she
didn't know that she had it in her to dwell that long, even for something like this. She'd go
crazy and explode first.
Ben
"Well, I didn't actually deal with any of it until that summer, either," Ben admitted.
Jaina
"Don't wait that long again," Jaina said seriously, but not harshly. "Deal with it in your
own way, but the longer you wait, the worse it is."
Hey, check that out, she was learning.
Ben
"If you and Ender both say the same thing, I suppose it must be true," Ben said with a tiny
smile. "But don't worry about me so you stop worrying about you."
Call it a family trait.
Jaina
"I wouldn't say I'm really worried about me. And others shouldn't worry, either," she said.
"I'm doing my absolute best not to give anyone anything to worry about."
Which would so totally work, of course.
Ben
"Jaina," Ben said gently, "Jacen's gone. People are going to worry about you. You've been a
pair since before you were born."
Jaina
"I know, I know." But the part that hurt there was the knowledge that she and Jacen
hadn't really been a pair in six years. ...Actually, more like eleven years, and there
wasn't any hope of fixing that now. "But I'm not handling this the way I did when Anakin
died. I'm actually trying, and I hope people see that."
Ben
"They will," Ben promised. "I will. Well, me. I don't know about the other Ben."
Jaina
Jaina smiled at that. "Let's hope on him," she said. "How's your Jaina doing?"
Shh, if there was ever a time for reassurance, this was it.
Ben
"She's good," Ben said. "Focused, but able to tease again. Getting married..."
Jaina
Well that wasn't something she'd expected...
"Wait, what?"
Ben
"Able to tease again?"
Ben, be nice.
Jaina
"The last thing. Go back to the last thing." The last thing which, by the way, kind of fit
with what she knew the timeline in Chak's time had gone and that was a little freaky.
Ben
"I never mentioned that?"
No, Ben, you never did.
Jaina
"Noooo," she said, and guessed, "Jag?" Maybe she was hoping the answer would be easy there.
Ben
"If I say yes, will that make you happier?" Ben asked.
Jaina
She had to think about that. She couldn't say it would be a surprise. "Maybe. We'll see."
Ben
"In that case...yes," Ben said. "You're marrying Jag. He doesn't get taller."
Jaina
"It's really weird," she decided. "And I should not tell him that."
Ben
"About the height thing?"
Jaina
Good sign: Jaina was back to eyerolling at things.
"Well, I won't tell him that either, but I meant the married thing."
Ben
Ben had been trying to cheer her up, so the tone of voice made him worry less.
"Probably a good plan."
Jaina
"If it isn't too weird, tell her congratulations for me," Jaina said. As if the thought of
literal self-congratulations wasn't anything but weird.
Ben
"I will," Ben said. "She knows about you."
Jaina
"Good. I deserve to be known about." See, she could tease sometimes.
Ben
"She says it'll get a little easier," Ben said softly. "I should let you go. Granddad isn't
driving you barvy?"
Jaina
"Nah, he's fine," Jaina said with a little smile. "Try not to worry. I'll be fine, and I'll
be back when I can."
Ben
"There's a giant hug with your name on it waiting for then," Ben promised. "Love you, Jaina."
Jaina
"Love you, too, Ben." And okay, maybe she did feel a little better now.
[Preplayed with sith_happened/momslilassassin for great "omg too much stuff going on" justice, and NFB/NFI. If you would like to comment, though, that is all right.]