The Anakin Solo- late Thursday
The instant Jacen's life blinked out of existence, Jaina felt like hers had, too.
Part of it was shock, both psychological and physical. Moments ago she'd been able to feel the Force flowing through her like it never had before, and now she didn't feel anything. When that and the adrenaline faded, her injuries began to take hold, and she knew they were severe, though what they were wasn't obvious to her right now. The only thing that was obvious to her now that her brother was dead at her feet. That was all that mattered.
Jacen was dead, and he was dead because she had killed him.
Jaina didn't know if she ended up sitting on the floor on purpose, or if she'd finally just collapsed that way. She cradled Jacen's head in her lap, just sitting there, holding him. That was about all she could do now. She couldn't cry, because she couldn't remember how to feel, or cry. She wasn't even sure she was actually really here. She was somewhere else. Even her thoughts were happening to someone else, so getting help or getting out didn't even occur to her. Besides, it would mean leaving Jacen. She was okay staying here whispering to him, consoling him even though he couldn't hear her, telling him that he'd never really be gone because he'd be alive in her heart. It was what he'd told her back during the Vong war, when her wingmate Anni died. It had helped then. Now she just wanted him to understand how true it was even though he couldn't understand anymore, and wouldn't understand anything ever again.
It was Jag who found her. Jaina was aware of the door opening, and she heard him yell for someone, telling them to hurry, and then he was beside her, reaching to pull Jacen away from her. The anger at that... that Jaina felt. Or knew on some level she felt. Something. She reacted strongly, Force-throwing him away, yelling what she meant to be "Don't touch him," but thanks to half her face being broken, it sounded unintelligible.
To his credit, Jag not only got up after being thrown across the room, he came back to her. He'd learned, though, and kept his movements slow, and he didn't even try to touch Jacen. Instead he tended to her, reaching for his medkit to give her a stim-shot, and took her hand. He'd been careful to go for the one that wasn't at the end of a clearly broken arm. "Help's on the way, Jaina. You're going to be fine."
It was nice of him to say that. She wasn't so sure she was going to make it, and as the stim-shot took hold, clearing her head of some of the haze, she remembered things that she had to say. She had to really struggle to speak, because her cheek was split open and broken and she couldn't seem to make her face work right, but she asked, "Do something... for me?"
"You're going to make it," Jag told her. "I promise."
"You can't promise. And I still... need you to..."
"Of course. Anything."
"Find... Zekk."
Jaina hadn't expected him to take that the way that he did. He looked crushed, but he didn't act jealous, he didn't get mad, he just nodded. "Okay. As soon as the medics get here, I'll go tell him-"
"No," she insisted. "He's missing. Hit during the StealthX raid." Dummy.
"Oh." Upon hearing that, he looked more upset than he had when he'd thought he'd just been rejected. That was when Jaina knew for sure that she loved him. "We'll find him," Jag assured her. "Don't worry."
"Have to worry."
"I'll make sure Master Skywalker knows, too. We will find him."
Jaina knew how things went. She knew that they might not find him. There might not be anything left of Zekk to find. Jag knew that, too, but he was trying, for her. She squeezed his hand, though she didn't feel like she had the strength to do so. She wasn't even sure she managed it. She knew she meant to, anyway. "Thanks."
"Thanks aren't necessary," Jag told her. "Zekk is a good man."
She shook her head, and found that that was not a smart move. She didn't know when exactly she'd managed to mess up the vertebrae more than she'd thought, but her neck exploded in pain and she decided she was just not going to move it again. "Not for... Zekk. For getting here first. Glad it was... you."
He didn't look happy about that, probably because it still sounded like she was being pretty final about things. She was aware that these might be the last things she ever said, after all. "Me, too," he said. "But hold on. Help is coming."
"Second thing," she went on. "Mirta Gev."
"Yes?"
"Upstairs. Alive. Get her... out." It was becoming harder to concentrate again, to make her mouth form the words that she needed it to, but the fact that she needed to focus kept her from getting too frustrated.
Jag nodded. "I'll make sure."
"Not someone slow. She has... blaster rifles. Third. I have ... if I... People need to know."
"Jaina, you're going to be fine."
"Can't make my parents do it."
"Make us do what?" said a familiar voice.
She looked up to see her parents rushing over. Their eyes were rimmed with red and their faces were pale, and there was no way they didn't already know about Jacen. Leia had to have felt it. But Han was doing his best to look confident, while Leia was trying- and failing- to hide her alarm behind a calm veneer.
And then they got close enough to see the scene, see Jacen lying there with his head in his sister's lap. The facades crumbled. Jaina half expected them both to cry, and that part of her that was getting fuzzy again remembered when they saw Anakin, he'd been cleaned up and made presentable first. Jaina had mussed his hair. This time, they weren't getting that illusion that things had ended okay, that maybe it hadn't been bad for him.
It seemed like they were both trying to avoid looking at their dead son but neither could do so, and after a moment, Leia silently pulled an airsplint from the medpac in her hands and immobilized Jaina's broken arm, while Han found a canister of sterinumb to spray on her burned back. It probably helped them to do that. On some level, Jaina knew, they were probably trying to reassure her, to let her know that nothing had changed between them. But that was impossible, of course. Jaina had become the Sword of the Jedi, with everything that meant.
Once Jaina's back had been tended to, her father dared to speak again. "How are you doing, kid?"
'Fine' was not an answer. She didn't think she'd be fine ever again. "How... I look," she managed. "And not just... the outside."
Han nodded. "Yeah, me too." He looked back toward the door, where Cilghal had arrived with a pair of young Jedi Knights and a hovergurney. "But you've got to pull through, okay? I don't know if we can make it without you."
"I do," she said, and looked to her mother. "You together... nothing can break... that." They'd survived Anakin. They'd survive Jacen. They'd survive her, too.
Leia smiled sadly. "Maybe not," she said, stepping back so Cilghal and her assistants could start to work. "But I'm really tired of having that tested. So listen to your father."
[NFB, NFI, OOC makes me happy. Dialogue and a couple things from Invincible by Troy Denning. I have had all the tears writing this, I am not even gonna lie.]
Part of it was shock, both psychological and physical. Moments ago she'd been able to feel the Force flowing through her like it never had before, and now she didn't feel anything. When that and the adrenaline faded, her injuries began to take hold, and she knew they were severe, though what they were wasn't obvious to her right now. The only thing that was obvious to her now that her brother was dead at her feet. That was all that mattered.
Jacen was dead, and he was dead because she had killed him.
Jaina didn't know if she ended up sitting on the floor on purpose, or if she'd finally just collapsed that way. She cradled Jacen's head in her lap, just sitting there, holding him. That was about all she could do now. She couldn't cry, because she couldn't remember how to feel, or cry. She wasn't even sure she was actually really here. She was somewhere else. Even her thoughts were happening to someone else, so getting help or getting out didn't even occur to her. Besides, it would mean leaving Jacen. She was okay staying here whispering to him, consoling him even though he couldn't hear her, telling him that he'd never really be gone because he'd be alive in her heart. It was what he'd told her back during the Vong war, when her wingmate Anni died. It had helped then. Now she just wanted him to understand how true it was even though he couldn't understand anymore, and wouldn't understand anything ever again.
It was Jag who found her. Jaina was aware of the door opening, and she heard him yell for someone, telling them to hurry, and then he was beside her, reaching to pull Jacen away from her. The anger at that... that Jaina felt. Or knew on some level she felt. Something. She reacted strongly, Force-throwing him away, yelling what she meant to be "Don't touch him," but thanks to half her face being broken, it sounded unintelligible.
To his credit, Jag not only got up after being thrown across the room, he came back to her. He'd learned, though, and kept his movements slow, and he didn't even try to touch Jacen. Instead he tended to her, reaching for his medkit to give her a stim-shot, and took her hand. He'd been careful to go for the one that wasn't at the end of a clearly broken arm. "Help's on the way, Jaina. You're going to be fine."
It was nice of him to say that. She wasn't so sure she was going to make it, and as the stim-shot took hold, clearing her head of some of the haze, she remembered things that she had to say. She had to really struggle to speak, because her cheek was split open and broken and she couldn't seem to make her face work right, but she asked, "Do something... for me?"
"You're going to make it," Jag told her. "I promise."
"You can't promise. And I still... need you to..."
"Of course. Anything."
"Find... Zekk."
Jaina hadn't expected him to take that the way that he did. He looked crushed, but he didn't act jealous, he didn't get mad, he just nodded. "Okay. As soon as the medics get here, I'll go tell him-"
"No," she insisted. "He's missing. Hit during the StealthX raid." Dummy.
"Oh." Upon hearing that, he looked more upset than he had when he'd thought he'd just been rejected. That was when Jaina knew for sure that she loved him. "We'll find him," Jag assured her. "Don't worry."
"Have to worry."
"I'll make sure Master Skywalker knows, too. We will find him."
Jaina knew how things went. She knew that they might not find him. There might not be anything left of Zekk to find. Jag knew that, too, but he was trying, for her. She squeezed his hand, though she didn't feel like she had the strength to do so. She wasn't even sure she managed it. She knew she meant to, anyway. "Thanks."
"Thanks aren't necessary," Jag told her. "Zekk is a good man."
She shook her head, and found that that was not a smart move. She didn't know when exactly she'd managed to mess up the vertebrae more than she'd thought, but her neck exploded in pain and she decided she was just not going to move it again. "Not for... Zekk. For getting here first. Glad it was... you."
He didn't look happy about that, probably because it still sounded like she was being pretty final about things. She was aware that these might be the last things she ever said, after all. "Me, too," he said. "But hold on. Help is coming."
"Second thing," she went on. "Mirta Gev."
"Yes?"
"Upstairs. Alive. Get her... out." It was becoming harder to concentrate again, to make her mouth form the words that she needed it to, but the fact that she needed to focus kept her from getting too frustrated.
Jag nodded. "I'll make sure."
"Not someone slow. She has... blaster rifles. Third. I have ... if I... People need to know."
"Jaina, you're going to be fine."
"Can't make my parents do it."
"Make us do what?" said a familiar voice.
She looked up to see her parents rushing over. Their eyes were rimmed with red and their faces were pale, and there was no way they didn't already know about Jacen. Leia had to have felt it. But Han was doing his best to look confident, while Leia was trying- and failing- to hide her alarm behind a calm veneer.
And then they got close enough to see the scene, see Jacen lying there with his head in his sister's lap. The facades crumbled. Jaina half expected them both to cry, and that part of her that was getting fuzzy again remembered when they saw Anakin, he'd been cleaned up and made presentable first. Jaina had mussed his hair. This time, they weren't getting that illusion that things had ended okay, that maybe it hadn't been bad for him.
It seemed like they were both trying to avoid looking at their dead son but neither could do so, and after a moment, Leia silently pulled an airsplint from the medpac in her hands and immobilized Jaina's broken arm, while Han found a canister of sterinumb to spray on her burned back. It probably helped them to do that. On some level, Jaina knew, they were probably trying to reassure her, to let her know that nothing had changed between them. But that was impossible, of course. Jaina had become the Sword of the Jedi, with everything that meant.
Once Jaina's back had been tended to, her father dared to speak again. "How are you doing, kid?"
'Fine' was not an answer. She didn't think she'd be fine ever again. "How... I look," she managed. "And not just... the outside."
Han nodded. "Yeah, me too." He looked back toward the door, where Cilghal had arrived with a pair of young Jedi Knights and a hovergurney. "But you've got to pull through, okay? I don't know if we can make it without you."
"I do," she said, and looked to her mother. "You together... nothing can break... that." They'd survived Anakin. They'd survive Jacen. They'd survive her, too.
Leia smiled sadly. "Maybe not," she said, stepping back so Cilghal and her assistants could start to work. "But I'm really tired of having that tested. So listen to your father."
[NFB, NFI, OOC makes me happy. Dialogue and a couple things from Invincible by Troy Denning. I have had all the tears writing this, I am not even gonna lie.]