Somewhere in space- GFFA- Monday
For a long time after she ended the call, Jaina sat in silence, waiting to see what she was going to do.
She wanted to be able to grieve Katniss like a normal person, though it'd been over a decade since she'd forgotten how to do that. Still, she felt it was deserved, because Jaina was both proud of her for going out on her own terms and wanted to yell at her at the same time. She regretted that she hadn't known her better, known her outside a child's cheerful babble or talking about the Games, to wishing she'd had more time to train her, like that would have somehow helped in the end, and there was a very large part of her that wanted to take down every person who'd made this happen to make sure it would never happen again.
That last part worried her in a faint sort of way, because the numbness she felt now almost always gave way to violence eventually, and she couldn't do that. They'd make planetfall by morning, and then it'd be back to work, where as a Jedi she couldn't just take it all out on someone, even a criminal, just because she didn't know what to do with her emotions. She had a bad history with that, and especially since one particular conversation with Eric she was very cognizant of her reactions to tragedy and how anger never, ever worked out for her. And that would just put her in mind of Myrkr, and she hated that she kept thinking of that now, like it'd cheapen what she'd just seen, but she couldn't deny that Katniss and the Games brought up a lot of things she didn't know how to deal with. And it was all because a girl was dead who didn't deserve it.
She dropped her shields.
Within a minute or two, Zekk came to the aft cabin where she'd been sitting since she first made today's call, sensing that something bad had happened. It occurred to Jaina that she was really lucky to be with the one person who would understand fully what she was feeling and why she was feeling it without having to try and find words for it or admit anything aloud that she didn't want to. All she had to do was look up at him and he took a seat next to her, putting an arm around her, and suddenly it was a total shock to her that tears actually came.
[NFB, NFI, welcome to the post that wouldn't let me sleep last night until I wrote it out.]
She wanted to be able to grieve Katniss like a normal person, though it'd been over a decade since she'd forgotten how to do that. Still, she felt it was deserved, because Jaina was both proud of her for going out on her own terms and wanted to yell at her at the same time. She regretted that she hadn't known her better, known her outside a child's cheerful babble or talking about the Games, to wishing she'd had more time to train her, like that would have somehow helped in the end, and there was a very large part of her that wanted to take down every person who'd made this happen to make sure it would never happen again.
That last part worried her in a faint sort of way, because the numbness she felt now almost always gave way to violence eventually, and she couldn't do that. They'd make planetfall by morning, and then it'd be back to work, where as a Jedi she couldn't just take it all out on someone, even a criminal, just because she didn't know what to do with her emotions. She had a bad history with that, and especially since one particular conversation with Eric she was very cognizant of her reactions to tragedy and how anger never, ever worked out for her. And that would just put her in mind of Myrkr, and she hated that she kept thinking of that now, like it'd cheapen what she'd just seen, but she couldn't deny that Katniss and the Games brought up a lot of things she didn't know how to deal with. And it was all because a girl was dead who didn't deserve it.
She dropped her shields.
Within a minute or two, Zekk came to the aft cabin where she'd been sitting since she first made today's call, sensing that something bad had happened. It occurred to Jaina that she was really lucky to be with the one person who would understand fully what she was feeling and why she was feeling it without having to try and find words for it or admit anything aloud that she didn't want to. All she had to do was look up at him and he took a seat next to her, putting an arm around her, and suddenly it was a total shock to her that tears actually came.
[NFB, NFI, welcome to the post that wouldn't let me sleep last night until I wrote it out.]