Coruscant- Wednesday Fandom time
Jaina didn't tend to get nervous about difficult conversations, but she was nervous about this one. She had no idea how Jacen would react, which was sad on several levels.
They hadn't used to keep secrets from each other. They didn't share everything, no. They didn't go into every detail of their lives, and they'd always kept details of their love lives to themselves because there were certain things you didn't want to know about your twin. But when he came back from his time in Vong captivity, Jaina heard everything that had happened, including some horrible examples of his torture. In turn, she'd told him about the possibility of him going dark. She hadn't told anyone that she might end up killing him if that happened, but that was either an ace up her sleeve when the time came, or her shameful secret if it never did. Children, however, fell into the category of things she thought they should know about, and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't hurt that she had to find out from her own son from a different reality that would never happen. Despite her own feelings, though, she was going to listen, if he'd talk. This wasn't something he'd do without a good reason, and there were still some pieces missing to the puzzle she felt it was important to find out.
She showed up at his apartment, which she hadn't been to since he'd moved in. Actually, she hadn't seen him in person since visiting him in the hospital before coming back to Fandom. It really did bother her that this was the state of what had once been the most important relationship in her life. With the way she felt about it, she thought maybe it still was. When he opened the door, he didn't look surprised, but he'd probably sensed her. She gave him a smile and greeted him with, "Hey, brother."
"Jaina. I didn't know you were onplanet," he said, but opened the door wider to let her in.
"It was an impromptu thing," she told him. "But while I'm here, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."
"Should I be worried?" he asked casually, inviting her to sit as he did the same.
Yes, he probably should. Especially since Jaina put it bluntly. "I know about Allana."
She could see the caution and surprise in his eyes, but his expression didn't change and she couldn't read him in the Force, which bothered her. "What about her?"
"That she's yours."
Jacen just shook his head. "That's not even possible. I wasn't anywhere near Hapes when she would have been conceived."
There were certain things you learned growing up with a politician mother and, well, Han. Don't admit guilt if you stand a chance of talking your way out of it, talk around the thing you got caught doing, and lying by omission wasn't really lying if you were the one doing it. So if he didn't deny having a thing with Tenel Ka, it was because he'd had a thing with Tenel Ka. "And don't think I wouldn't like to know how you two pulled that off, except for how I wouldn't," she told him.
"If you want to know the baby's paternity, you'd be better off asking Tenel Ka. Not that she seems likely to tell," Jacen advised.
"Jacen, stop," Jaina sighed. "I know your tells. I'm not trying to come down on you, I just want to talk to you as your sister."
He paused for just a moment, but in that moment he seemed to come to some decision. "How did you find out?"
"Fandom thing," she replied, leaving it at that. "I haven't told anyone. Why didn't you say anything?"
Jacen sat back against the sofa cushion, expression unreadable. "Have you been to Hapes?" he asked dryly, knowing she had.
"If they knew Allana's father is a Jedi and not some Hapan noble, it'll be a free for all?" Jaina guessed. It wasn't like she hadn't been trying to figure things out for days, no matter how much she wanted to avoid it.
He nodded. "They're already fighting over which family now has a claim to the throne. If they find out none of them do, her life is at risk. It's only safe for her if no one finds out."
Not for the first time, Jaina was really glad she hadn't ended up in Tenel Ka's job. But now she thought she understood what this had to be like for her brother. He had a daughter, which was a happy thing, but he couldn't lay any claim to her. He had to keep his distance, probably couldn't see her much, and had to fear for her life when all he could do to protect her was to stay silent.
Jacen and Jaina themselves had had to be hidden away until they were two years old, thanks to multiple attacks on them and their little brother. Their whole childhood had been filled with stretches of time where they'd been sent off for protection. In fact, Jaina had grown up resentful of it, and she'd be the first to say that she'd been a brat to her mother about it... right until the day she'd felt what Mara went through having to send Ben to the Maw for his protection. It had happened to Luke and Leia, too, and Jaina was struck by how profoundly sad it was that her family had to keep doing through this. And Jacen had it the worst, because he couldn't tell anyone.
,
Until now, anyway. "I understand," she told him. "I do. You and I both helped foil an assassination attempt there, and I saw some of it when I was there myself." In fact, she'd contributed to some of that sort of drama, but she didn't think that would help her argument. "I don't know if you get half the pressure I do about it, but Mom and Dad would probably like to know they're grandparents. And you know they're not going to go around blabbing to everyone."
"They'll want to see her. It's too dangerous," Jacen insisted.
"Give them some credit. Of all people, they'll know what you're dealing with-"
"Jaina, no. When it's safe, that'll be another story, but it's not right now, and Allana's the most important thing now. No one can know."
She pursed her lips, but what was she going to do? It wasn't like he didn't have reason for all the secrecy, and she couldn't tell anyone else how to raise a child she'd never met. "Okay," she said finally. "This stays here."
Jacen raised his eyebrows. "You really wouldn't tell anyone?"
"You think I would?" she asked, a little taken aback.
"You do tend to do things because you think it's the right thing," he pointed out.
"Oh, like you never have. This is different," Jaina promised. "I don't agree entirely, but it's your kid, I don't have a say. So this doesn't go farther than you and me until you give the word."
"I'm glad to hear you say that," Jacen said, and got up to sit next to her. Then he reached to hug her, which she hadn't really been expecting, but it was nice. "I love you, Jaina."
"I love you, too," she said, hugging him back.
A few years down the line, when Jaina was learning shatterpoint and knew the whole story, she'd look back at this and wonder if this wasn't the moment where she could have influenced things, changed them altogether and altered the future to save Jacen.
Or, at least she would if she remembered any of it. By the time Jacen was through with the mindwipe, she didn't know any more about Allana than she had a week ago.
What she'd remember instead was going to see him for a normal visit that ended in him unthinkingly starting an argument that pushed far too many buttons, and her finally stalking off in anger promising herself that she was done trying with him.
[NFB, NFI, OOC okay! I may be having too much fun playing with canon lately.]
They hadn't used to keep secrets from each other. They didn't share everything, no. They didn't go into every detail of their lives, and they'd always kept details of their love lives to themselves because there were certain things you didn't want to know about your twin. But when he came back from his time in Vong captivity, Jaina heard everything that had happened, including some horrible examples of his torture. In turn, she'd told him about the possibility of him going dark. She hadn't told anyone that she might end up killing him if that happened, but that was either an ace up her sleeve when the time came, or her shameful secret if it never did. Children, however, fell into the category of things she thought they should know about, and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't hurt that she had to find out from her own son from a different reality that would never happen. Despite her own feelings, though, she was going to listen, if he'd talk. This wasn't something he'd do without a good reason, and there were still some pieces missing to the puzzle she felt it was important to find out.
She showed up at his apartment, which she hadn't been to since he'd moved in. Actually, she hadn't seen him in person since visiting him in the hospital before coming back to Fandom. It really did bother her that this was the state of what had once been the most important relationship in her life. With the way she felt about it, she thought maybe it still was. When he opened the door, he didn't look surprised, but he'd probably sensed her. She gave him a smile and greeted him with, "Hey, brother."
"Jaina. I didn't know you were onplanet," he said, but opened the door wider to let her in.
"It was an impromptu thing," she told him. "But while I'm here, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."
"Should I be worried?" he asked casually, inviting her to sit as he did the same.
Yes, he probably should. Especially since Jaina put it bluntly. "I know about Allana."
She could see the caution and surprise in his eyes, but his expression didn't change and she couldn't read him in the Force, which bothered her. "What about her?"
"That she's yours."
Jacen just shook his head. "That's not even possible. I wasn't anywhere near Hapes when she would have been conceived."
There were certain things you learned growing up with a politician mother and, well, Han. Don't admit guilt if you stand a chance of talking your way out of it, talk around the thing you got caught doing, and lying by omission wasn't really lying if you were the one doing it. So if he didn't deny having a thing with Tenel Ka, it was because he'd had a thing with Tenel Ka. "And don't think I wouldn't like to know how you two pulled that off, except for how I wouldn't," she told him.
"If you want to know the baby's paternity, you'd be better off asking Tenel Ka. Not that she seems likely to tell," Jacen advised.
"Jacen, stop," Jaina sighed. "I know your tells. I'm not trying to come down on you, I just want to talk to you as your sister."
He paused for just a moment, but in that moment he seemed to come to some decision. "How did you find out?"
"Fandom thing," she replied, leaving it at that. "I haven't told anyone. Why didn't you say anything?"
Jacen sat back against the sofa cushion, expression unreadable. "Have you been to Hapes?" he asked dryly, knowing she had.
"If they knew Allana's father is a Jedi and not some Hapan noble, it'll be a free for all?" Jaina guessed. It wasn't like she hadn't been trying to figure things out for days, no matter how much she wanted to avoid it.
He nodded. "They're already fighting over which family now has a claim to the throne. If they find out none of them do, her life is at risk. It's only safe for her if no one finds out."
Not for the first time, Jaina was really glad she hadn't ended up in Tenel Ka's job. But now she thought she understood what this had to be like for her brother. He had a daughter, which was a happy thing, but he couldn't lay any claim to her. He had to keep his distance, probably couldn't see her much, and had to fear for her life when all he could do to protect her was to stay silent.
Jacen and Jaina themselves had had to be hidden away until they were two years old, thanks to multiple attacks on them and their little brother. Their whole childhood had been filled with stretches of time where they'd been sent off for protection. In fact, Jaina had grown up resentful of it, and she'd be the first to say that she'd been a brat to her mother about it... right until the day she'd felt what Mara went through having to send Ben to the Maw for his protection. It had happened to Luke and Leia, too, and Jaina was struck by how profoundly sad it was that her family had to keep doing through this. And Jacen had it the worst, because he couldn't tell anyone.
,
Until now, anyway. "I understand," she told him. "I do. You and I both helped foil an assassination attempt there, and I saw some of it when I was there myself." In fact, she'd contributed to some of that sort of drama, but she didn't think that would help her argument. "I don't know if you get half the pressure I do about it, but Mom and Dad would probably like to know they're grandparents. And you know they're not going to go around blabbing to everyone."
"They'll want to see her. It's too dangerous," Jacen insisted.
"Give them some credit. Of all people, they'll know what you're dealing with-"
"Jaina, no. When it's safe, that'll be another story, but it's not right now, and Allana's the most important thing now. No one can know."
She pursed her lips, but what was she going to do? It wasn't like he didn't have reason for all the secrecy, and she couldn't tell anyone else how to raise a child she'd never met. "Okay," she said finally. "This stays here."
Jacen raised his eyebrows. "You really wouldn't tell anyone?"
"You think I would?" she asked, a little taken aback.
"You do tend to do things because you think it's the right thing," he pointed out.
"Oh, like you never have. This is different," Jaina promised. "I don't agree entirely, but it's your kid, I don't have a say. So this doesn't go farther than you and me until you give the word."
"I'm glad to hear you say that," Jacen said, and got up to sit next to her. Then he reached to hug her, which she hadn't really been expecting, but it was nice. "I love you, Jaina."
"I love you, too," she said, hugging him back.
A few years down the line, when Jaina was learning shatterpoint and knew the whole story, she'd look back at this and wonder if this wasn't the moment where she could have influenced things, changed them altogether and altered the future to save Jacen.
Or, at least she would if she remembered any of it. By the time Jacen was through with the mindwipe, she didn't know any more about Allana than she had a week ago.
What she'd remember instead was going to see him for a normal visit that ended in him unthinkingly starting an argument that pushed far too many buttons, and her finally stalking off in anger promising herself that she was done trying with him.
[NFB, NFI, OOC okay! I may be having too much fun playing with canon lately.]