Facebook Profile Pic Translator
Someone has friend-requested you, but their security settings are intensity in ten cities and all you have to go on is the profile photo. What can you tell about someone just by looking at a profile photo? Find out today!
(Description of photo): What it means.
(Self-shot in mirror, looking at preview screen instead of lens): So insecure that she can’t take her eyes off the preview for a SINGLE GODDAMN SECOND! Do not add.
(high-contrast): Hiding something. Unless you know what that is, do not add.
(holding a beer, other alcohol-related): Drunkard. Do not add.
(group shot): No individual identity, probably suggestible. Add.
(looking away, looking sad): Thinks she’s deep, but she’s chosen to advertise this depth with a Facebook profile photo, so she’s probably shallower than the shallow end of a child’s play pool. Hence, easily manipulated and predictable. Add.
(showing middle finger): This person has not yet learned how to channel her rebellious nature. Could be good for a quick laugh. Add.
(dresses like hipster/emo): Either a hipster/emo or (even worse) wants to be hipster/emo. Do not add.
(photo with girlfriend/boyfriend): Clingy, needy, no fun. Do not add.
(sunglasses taking up more than 60% of photo): Do not add.
(making ‘heart’ shape with hands): Obsessed with appearing “cute” to others. Unless you enjoy talking about unicorns, brightly-coloured socks, ribbons and rainbows, do not add.
(photo of something other than her face): This is worse than having something to hide. This is a complete abrogation of identity. Possible psychosis. Do not add.
(black & white): Thinks she’s arty. probably studying photography or “media studies” at some community college. Very easy to control, but there’s not much of a challenge so you’ll get bored. Whatever. Add.
(newspaper covering 75% of face): If the paper is upside-down, do not add.
(sad face & palm of hand behind rain-streaked window): Even other emos think this is a bit much. Do not add.
(big hair and big eyes peering over Corn Flakes cereal box): Something about this is very attractive. Add, and actively pursue. Years later, you can explain to your grandchildren that it all happened due to a whimsical Facebook profile photo and a sarcastic Livejournal post. Of course in my day we didn’t have Facebook. If I liked a girl, I was forced to exchange bundles of photos via regular post, and register my approval of her asinine statements by taking an announcement out in the local paper.
(primary school pic): Living on past glories, has made no friends in the interim. Do not add.
(cartoonized portraits): Utter self-loathing, wish she was her WoW character. Probably desperate for any sort of attention. Add.
(PG-rated bubble bath w/rubber duck): Whore. Add.
(child in foreground): This person is doing you a favour. If you don’t want to hear long stupid stories about this person’s child, as though it was the first child to do anything, do not add.
(Description of photo): What it means.
(Self-shot in mirror, looking at preview screen instead of lens): So insecure that she can’t take her eyes off the preview for a SINGLE GODDAMN SECOND! Do not add.
(high-contrast): Hiding something. Unless you know what that is, do not add.
(holding a beer, other alcohol-related): Drunkard. Do not add.
(group shot): No individual identity, probably suggestible. Add.
(looking away, looking sad): Thinks she’s deep, but she’s chosen to advertise this depth with a Facebook profile photo, so she’s probably shallower than the shallow end of a child’s play pool. Hence, easily manipulated and predictable. Add.
(showing middle finger): This person has not yet learned how to channel her rebellious nature. Could be good for a quick laugh. Add.
(dresses like hipster/emo): Either a hipster/emo or (even worse) wants to be hipster/emo. Do not add.
(photo with girlfriend/boyfriend): Clingy, needy, no fun. Do not add.
(sunglasses taking up more than 60% of photo): Do not add.
(making ‘heart’ shape with hands): Obsessed with appearing “cute” to others. Unless you enjoy talking about unicorns, brightly-coloured socks, ribbons and rainbows, do not add.
(photo of something other than her face): This is worse than having something to hide. This is a complete abrogation of identity. Possible psychosis. Do not add.
(black & white): Thinks she’s arty. probably studying photography or “media studies” at some community college. Very easy to control, but there’s not much of a challenge so you’ll get bored. Whatever. Add.
(newspaper covering 75% of face): If the paper is upside-down, do not add.
(sad face & palm of hand behind rain-streaked window): Even other emos think this is a bit much. Do not add.
(big hair and big eyes peering over Corn Flakes cereal box): Something about this is very attractive. Add, and actively pursue. Years later, you can explain to your grandchildren that it all happened due to a whimsical Facebook profile photo and a sarcastic Livejournal post. Of course in my day we didn’t have Facebook. If I liked a girl, I was forced to exchange bundles of photos via regular post, and register my approval of her asinine statements by taking an announcement out in the local paper.
(primary school pic): Living on past glories, has made no friends in the interim. Do not add.
(cartoonized portraits): Utter self-loathing, wish she was her WoW character. Probably desperate for any sort of attention. Add.
(PG-rated bubble bath w/rubber duck): Whore. Add.
(child in foreground): This person is doing you a favour. If you don’t want to hear long stupid stories about this person’s child, as though it was the first child to do anything, do not add.