That's A Strong Word XII

[solo1y]

An (increasingly detailed) occasional series of things I hate. You should hate them too.

• "I've never had any complaints LOL!" Well of course not; they're not going to tell you, are they?
• "Of course I know! I just want to see if you know." You don't know, so shut up. Idiot.
• People who don't understand the concept of a hypothetical question. Yes, I know That Would Never Happen, which is why I used the word "if", you fucking moron.
• Karaoke
• You're not an "associate". You're an entry-level employee and the company has apparently discovered the most patronising way to screw you over.
• "I think I'm easy to get along with" Well of course you do, you shitbag - you're you! Pity the poor fools who have to deal with you on a daily basis.
• "I had this really weird dream." Well of course you did! Who has dreams where everything goes completely normally? If you never have weird dreams, if the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you in a dream is getting the incorrect change in a shop, then you might need professional attention.
• People who can't apologise properly. Just say you understand what you did wrong and you're sorry and that's that. If you throw in a bunch of excuses or reasons why you really did the right thing, then it's not an apology; it's just more of the self-serving bullshit that got you into this mess in the first place.
• Taking a photo of yourself in the mirror so that photo is 85% camera. What the hell are you doing? If I want to know what a camera looks like I'll go to Best Buy.
• "I hate to tell you / I hate to break this to you" No you don't, you lying sack of shit. You're loving every minute of this. I don't mind you being an asshole; just don't pretend that somehow it goes against your miserable, petty nature.

Related: That's a Strong Word XI (links to others)